Ultimatums

     Relationships are riddled with ultimatums. We give them often to our kids. There are consequences for not listening to our instruction. We tell our kids to clean their rooms, do their homework, improve their attitude, or use shampoo this time when they shower (have you been there?) . If they don't listen, there will be punishment for ignoring our request. There are good reasons for these ultimatums, because we are building our little ones into responsible, respectable adults. It's a process with a lot of trial and error, but with consistent effort, it will pay off.
     Ultimatums get a little stickier in marriage relationships. Because the bottom line is, we are often trying to change our spouse to suit our needs or wants. Our ultimatums may come across a little less obvious. We may pout if we don't get the attention we desire. We may yell or belittle if we don't see eye to eye on an issue. We may withhold sex if we are angry over an offense. Our ultimatums in this realm, fall into being selfish, rather than molding character or behavior. 
     But some ultimatums have their place in a marriage. Certain behaviors aren't acceptable, and if they continue, the marriage will possibly not be able to survive. Like infidelity. This behavior must stop in order for a marriage to have a chance. Some people may immediately close the door to a cheating spouse, and never look back. It's because infidelity is a very serious offense, and must be dealt with. It causes pain, insecurity, and unbelievable heartache. 
     During the process of dealing with infidelity in my own marriage, I have to confess something I am not proud of- I gave God ultimatums. I said things like, "God, please fix this fast, because I can't take this anymore." Or, "God, please remove this woman so he is no longer tempted by her." Instead of giving God ultimatums, I should have stated my heart, and let Him do His thing- whatever that was. I was ultimately asking God for changes to eliminate our weaknesses, and not allowing His strength to overcome them. God forgive me for trying to boss You around!
     Certain situations in life will require us to give ultimatums. But it is still my prayer, that when the behavior and heart has changed, grace will follow! Whether it is my children that need it, or my husband, I want to be characterized as being a woman of grace and forgiveness. Many times I fail at this, but being able to offer grace to someone who needs it, is an opportunity to pay forward what Christ has done for me!

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. Romans 12:17 ESV
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Galatians 6:7 ESV
For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. James 2:10 ESV
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me be wise with ultimatums. Help me to season them with grace and understanding, but to stand for truth. Forgive my selfish demands that You follow through on my wishes, in my time, and help me instead to have faith in Your ability to handle any crisis. I thank You, Lord, for always hearing my prayers, and forgiving my shortcomings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!