Looking Ahead and Standing Guard

It's a New Year—2022! It seems hard to believe we are where we are, and that we've come through some really difficult years and face a new one with all its challenges ahead of us. While we've closed out 2021, we still have some of the same issues staring us in the face as we begin 2022. And yet among all of the challenges, we still serve the same Faithful God. But as we look ahead, it's great to take stock of where we are today, where we've been, and how we can do better tomorrow.  

There's much to be said about being committed and faithful to fulfilling our spiritual purpose, and yet Satan is no less interested today in manipulating our spiritual demise. The fact is, he's very good at what he does, and if we don't guard ourselves, we will fall spiritually. When we fall, every other area of our life will suffer. Our families will suffer, our marriage will suffer, our relationships will suffer and we will not be an employee or employer that exemplifies integrity or godliness. In no way is it true that as believers, we are promised an easy ride—that's called prosperity gospel, and is unscriptural at its core. But when we fail to guard ourselves and give in to Satan's temptations when life gets tough, it will dismantle us spiritually—affecting us and those we love. 

Perhaps one of the most powerful sermons I recently heard spoke of how it's a good practice to walk yourself mentally through a fall. Imagine yourself sitting down those you love and respect the most, confessing your failure to them—eye to eye, one by one. Imagine their response as they hear news that will disappoint them or break their hearts—and how it will break yours to see the pain caused by bad choices. It's an exercise that's sobering and frightening and helps us visualize the damage that comes from bad choices. And here's the honest truth—it's a possibility for every single one of us no matter our age or how long we've walked with Christ so we must be on guard. 

As we embark on a new year, it's a good time to reflect on our priorities. Where is the biggest chunk of my time spent? Who am I focused on the most? Am I being obedient to God's call on my life, and living to serve and please Him? Somedays, the answer may look much better than the next. And somedays, I feel pricked in my heart that its primary focus isn't first on Jesus. We don't set out to rearrange our priorities, it happens little by little and day by day in the choices we make. If we are too busy, we often cut out the most vital part of what we need spiritually—unhurried time with our Father in heaven. 

It's true that we've maneuvered through some pretty challenging years—years we couldn't have even begun to imagine. We've faced physical challenges, social challenges, emotional challenges and when you group all of those together, it can spill over into our spiritual health, crippling us and making us vulnerable to Satan's attacks against us. But I think one of the most precious truths we can hold on to is this: Jesus is the same—He never changes no matter what our circumstances may look like today. He's the same compassionate, grace-filled, loving Savior He was yesterday, last year, and even 1,000 years ago. Whatever we face this year, He's with us and He's for us.

As I think of 2022, I want to see my priorities balance out a little more than they've looked like previously. I want to stop living as a believer on auto pilot, going through the motions at times yet lacking spiritual fervor. I want to lay out further groundwork to protect my marriage, my family, my local church and the relationships I enjoy with family and friends. I want to acknowledge the propensity each day for slow steps in the wrong direction, and make corrections that will keep me on a path that pleases Christ. And should I live long enough to close out 2022, I pray that I'll see growth, development, enhanced relationships and harmony and joy in my home as I look back on the year. I pray I'll be committed to continually loving and better serving my husband, my family, my church family and most of all Jesus. And then I also pray that I'll strive for even more the following year so that each year, little by little, I'm starting to look a lot more like Him and a lot less like me. 

The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps (Proverbs 16:9, ESV).

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change (James 1:17, ESV).

A Heart like King David

     You may be familiar with David's story in the Bible. It's a pretty shocking one, to be frank. You have a man lusting after a bathing woman, and he uses his position of authority to claim her, sexually. Never mind that she is a married woman- married to one of his faithful soldiers. David has Bathsheba brought to the palace, and takes what he has no business taking from her. His sin led to a pregnancy. The pregnancy would expose his sin- and so he has her husband placed in the front lines of battle, knowing it would claim his life. He then takes her as his own wife, but God will bring to light what David tried to hide, as He always does.
     This story isn't just a story, it happened. It reeks of sin and selfishness, yet King David is known to God as a "man after God's heart." In fact, God called him this on two separate occasions. Our humanity often doesn't speak the language of grace, like God. We look at this story and see someone who is awful, selfish, evil, and deserves punishment- but fail to see it in ourselves. Some possibly struggled with the blog post yesterday about the beginning of my husband's story of infidelity. But in all honesty, before God, we are all just sinners in need of His grace and mercy.
     I love how King David's sin didn't disqualify him from further service to God- in fact, some of his best days came after his affair and murder of Uriah. Many of the most touching Psalms were written by David, with a broken spirit sold out for His beloved God- the God of grace and redemption. This brings another story to mind found in Luke 7 of a sinful woman who entered the home where Jesus was, and poured out an outrageously costly jar of perfume on the feet of Jesus, and used her hair to wipe it off. Simon didn't understand why Jesus would let this sinful woman come close to Him. I love how Jesus admonishes him and says these precious words: "because her sins have been forgiven, she has loved much (Luke 7:47)." 
     When we have experienced God's grace from a very low point in life, we have the makings of  David's heart- one that wants to please God. We may look down our noses at sin, and never experience the joy of knowing God's grace at a level that brings absolute love and devotion. I want to have a heart like David, and I want to have compassion for those that are brought low. I want to see myself in David's highs, but I also want to see myself clearly as the sinful David- capable of falling, and often failing. I pray that I will guard myself each day, and understand how easily I can give in to temptation. And I pray most of all, to show God's grace to any who fall along their way, and to love them unconditionally, just as God loves me. 

But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:15 ESV
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, Ephesians 1:7 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin." Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to recognize my own weaknesses, and not just see them in others. Give me a compassionate heart- one that sees the lost, the hurting, and those who have fallen, with love. I thank You for being a God of restoration, and I thank You for the countless times You have showered me with Your undeserving grace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

His Story- Playing with Fire

     This isn't something you set out to do. If I could have stepped back, and seen the destruction and ruin from my choices, I would have run the other way with abandon. But wisdom was no longer my friend, as I had ever so slightly turned my back on God. Satan only needs a tiny opening, and he attacks with vengeance. I had always considered myself strong, but I was about to be exposed for my lack of exercising His strength in me.
     It started innocently enough. I had met her two years prior in a business setting. A co-worker of mine introduced us, as they had gone to school together. She was in our corporate accounting department at our headquarters, and each month I had to email her new accounts for editing and corrections. At the beginning of the month, I would send the expected email,  and never thought anything of it. One particular month, I had an issue, and needed to call regarding it. We talked for a few minutes, and I found the conversation intriguing. The reason for intrigue, was her playfulness on the other end of the phone.
     I continued to send my monthly email, and found out she had been transferred to another department. I was curious as to why, as I felt she did a great job in accounting. I found out her cell number, to inquire about the transfer. I wanted to know where she planned to transfer, and the reason why. I now had a dangerous piece of information- a personal way to contact a woman who wasn't my wife. 
     We now had established a regular format of conversation, based on me lending advice and support. I would check in every few weeks, and eventually every week, and before I knew it- daily contact! The more contact we had, the more fun it seemed to me. It felt like an outlet from my hectic life- an escape from what I felt trapped in. Conversations would start with business related issues, and then drift into more personal things. I vividly remember talking to her while driving, and she asked me if I was married. I remember feeling guilty when I told her I was, and I remember her pause in the conversation, and then we moved on to other topics of discussion. 
     My heart felt guilt in these conversations and thoughts, and God convicted me throughout this time, but I pushed it aside. So often I would get a text from my wife, followed by one from her. It was if God was reminding me of what I was doing- and who my attention should be on. I thought I could handle it, but without acknowledging the Spirit within, I was vulnerable and weak- a perfect target for Satan.
     This is the beginning of a story I wish I could change, but I let down my guard, and left my First Love- Christ. It's so important to keep ourselves armed with the whole armor of God. His reasons for boundaries and warning of sin, isn't to punish us and keep us from good things. The fact is- He loves us, and wants to protect us from hurt and ruin. Had I been connected in a healthy way with the Lord, I would have avoided hurting my wife, my children, and so many others. If you have been there, you understand the guilt and devastation of your choices. But this is the beginning of my story- and I serve a God of amazing grace. As you journey with me through it, I pray you will see my story with eyes of compassion, and that you would use it as an example of a heart that grows cold to Jesus. Learn from my story- the great cost of turning from God.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12 ESV
If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10 ESV
Be sober-minded; be watchful, Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, how I wish I had listened to Your voice, and followed Your way for me. Instead, I allowed Satan to bring me down. I hurt those who love me the most, and I hurt You. Father, forgive me for the pain I have caused, and I thank You for grace I don't deserve, yet You liberally offer it to us without end. Help me to have the courage to share my journey, praying it will show others redemption found only in You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

The Facade of the Perfect Marriage

     I bet if you took a minute to think about it, you could come up with a few couples you would classify as the "perfect christian couple." This couple seems to have it all together- a nice home, a couple kids, decent job, involved in the community, and prominent in the church. Everyone loves them, and wants to be like them. People assume they have the perfect marriage and feel envious of them. That was us.
     While we may be able to check off the boxes of what the world considered qualifications of being "that couple", there were things that were lacking. When our foundation is anything but Christ, it isn't solid enough. And because as Christians, we are all just sinners, saved by grace, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. 
     I want to just point out that Hollywood movies and romantic fiction don't do us any favors. Those characters aren't realistic, and give us a false notion of what relationships are really like. Women are going to get upset that men don't romance them more. Men are going to leave the toilet seat up. Women will worry about crazy impossible things that could maybe, possibly happen to the kids;) Men will get stressed about money. These things are going to cause friction because we are just different creatures. Our differences can complement one another, or divide us. 
     Our marital cracks entered in the form of busyness. It is an issue that most couples face, but how we let it affect us is crucial. Another crack for us was coasting on auto-pilot. Marriage takes effort, and we often let other things take precedence. These seemed like legitimate issues initially, but Satan only needs little cracks to stick his foot in the door. If we are not guarding our marriages, and investing in them, we are opening them up to problems. If you are a husband, lead well. If you are a wife, encourage his leading and respect him. If you are a husband, love well. If you are a wife, return love and passion. These may seem elementary in nature, but they are important fundamentals to put in place. 
     No marriage is perfect. Don't fall for believing that about your marriage, or anyone else's. Each one of us is capable of falling to temptation, so arm yourself and be on guard. When we allow God to have priority in our marriages, we are more equipped to handle life's storms. Read and pray together. Serve together. Spend time together. Love one another- even when it's hard! Live and love authentically, allowing people to see the real you. When we share our imperfections, it draws others to us that have similar needs. So, I choose to thank God for my imperfections, and pray that they will point others to the only Perfect One, Jesus Christ!

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Romans 12:9 ESV
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11 ESV
But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, allow me to live authentically. I pray that my imperfections and failures will be used to point others to You. Help us to guard our marriages, and to fully invest in them. For broken marriages, I pray for healing and help. We thank You for accepting us, imperfect and sinful. You are compassionate and gracious, and I thank You for that, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!