Starting over again is a wonderful gift that only God could've given us. I am thankful each day that we are establishing a new marriage relationship, and not working toward a divorce. Things are brighter, better, and shine with promise. And while there is so much positive stuff going on, the damage from behind us lurks in the mind, and Satan beckons us to listen to his old spiel of garbage. What will we do with what he whispers to us, and how can we make sure we don't buy into his load of bull again?
If you are the betrayed spouse and find yourself rebuilding a marriage that has been damaged by infidelity, you know the struggles associated with it. Any behavior out of the new norm causes anxious thoughts. There are certain triggers that would cause me to panic, should I see them arise. And even with our best plan to stay focused on the present, our past often calls out to us and tries to derail the progress we are making.
Our wonderful marriage counselor has given some great advice on this. Look for patterns, and unless they are there, push away doubts that may try to creep in. In the past, my husband had a clear pattern for behavior associated with infidelity. In the present, none of that behavior exists- therefore, I need to focus on the good that is happening, and refuse to listen to the lies of the devil. When I find my mind going to my old crazy place, I have chosen instead to focus on this scripture, full of hope and encouragement : "Finally brothers (or sisters), whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is JUST, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is COMMENDABLE, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS." (Philippians 4:8 ESV).
Our mind is a complicated place, full of ideas and thoughts and imaginations. I am learning to train mine to focus on what is true, and not what may happen. There isn't really a better tool I've found for navigating through negative thought patterns, than to focus on the actual truth of this moment. God has used this scripture to re-train my brain from unhealthy places that can get me stuck in negativity from untruths. What a waste of my time and energy it is to stay in those bad places. If you're fighting against thoughts that hold no real truth or legitimacy in your present place, I encourage you to find the help and hope I have found in Philippians 4:8. Each time your mind goes to a place of worry and fear, train it instead, to think on things that are lovely, pure, honorable, just, praise worthy, and true! And in time, I believe with assurance, my brain will figure out it just isn't worth messing with Satan's lies. Our good God gives us all that we need to be successful within His Word! Praise the Lord for not leaving us alone in our struggles, but supplying our every need to be victorious over them!
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 ESV
Lead me in truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:5 ESV
Even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:17 ESV
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Psalm 51:6 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of Your Word, so full of all we need and yet we often struggle. We struggle because we don't use Your Word to give us truth and focus, and I confess that before You, Lord. I thank You for giving the gift of re-training our minds to focus on You and all that You are to us. Help me each day, to remember the power I possess in Your Spirit. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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