I'm a private person. I don't really like people to know personal things about me- especially bad things. And to be honest, for close to a year, I stayed quiet as much as possible about our marriage crisis. Infidelity is humbling and embarrassing- not something you want to just chat about with random people. Often, I didn't even want to talk about it with the people I loved the most. It's messy and complicated and full of heartache, so it is safer to hush up.
Last summer, I felt a stirring inside me about using our story to reach others and hopefully use it for good. Each time I thought about it, I quickly brushed the idea aside to write a blog. At the time, I began writing a book. This book is a 6 week daily devotion for betrayed spouses. I had visions of one day seeking publishing for it, but I honestly didn't know if I would ever pursue publishing. This book is personal to me, and I wasn't ready to share even though I felt God preparing me to open up through writing. Today, that book is in editing for publishing and I feel overwhelmed at God's blessing.
I have always enjoyed writing, but until it came from my heart, I struggled to connect thoughts to paper. Infidelity is something people don't talk about, but a reality for so many. In my circles I rarely hear about it which made me feel pretty lonely in my journey through it. The thing is this- I know it's happening, and I know it's a real issue, yet when people don't talk about it, there is little help to gain from others that understand. Yes- parts of the story are too personal and not beneficial to share, but keeping quiet was becoming a burden, and God was nudging me to have the courage to publicly share my story.
The biggest drawback for me was fear- fear of what my husband would think or say. We were not together when I started this blog initially, and I knew he would be upset with me if he found it (and I knew he would, in time). Right before he left in late December, I wrote my first blog entry and it sat on my computer for a few days. I was literally terrified when I thought of hitting "publish". And each day, God spoke to me asking me to do what I was afraid to do. I didn't understand what He planned to do with it at the time, but on this side of the story, I am blown away (and when you read more of my blog, you will be too;). If fear is holding you back from doing something God has called you to do, I want to urge you to have the courage to listen to His voice. If He is speaking and you're sure it's Him, He has a purpose in what He is asking of you. Let go of the fear, and simply trust Him. And when you see what He has planned, just like me- you'll be blown away!
Whoever is of God hears the words of God. John 8:47a ESV
And he said to them, "Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. Mark 4:24 ESV
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I will wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes fear holds me back from listening to Your voice. Help me let go of my fear and simply follow You wherever You would have me to go, or whatever You call me to do. I thank You for loving me and for investing in my little world and for speaking to me. May I have an attentive ear to Your voice always, Lord. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
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