** Please read Part One if you find this post and have not been following. My entire story will be told over the course of a few days.
After returning from my New Year's trip and breaking things off with the other woman, I needed some of my things from our house. I knew Ruth would be at church Wednesday night, so I asked if it would be okay if I came by and grabbed a few of my things. I knew it would be easier on everyone if I went when they were not home.
What I saw when I got to the house rocked my world pretty hard. My side of the closet had been totally cleaned out and my clothes had been packed in boxes and stored under my desk in the front office. Ruth had left me a pretty challenging note that began to eat at me. I responded with some pretty selfish and stupid words and actions that I hoped would hurt them back. I was fighting against the idea that God could win this battle.
By Friday, January 4th, the conflict had grown. I was leaving work and I wanted to reach out to my wife but I was very hesitant. I knew she still shared her location with me, so I could see that she was out eating with a friend very close to where I was. I missed her, and was already feeling the touch of God in my heart about how I had treated her and my kids.
I was sitting alone at a nearby restaurant and God clearly directed me to look and see what, if anything, she had posted about this on social media. I was caught totally off guard. I had not been on Twitter in months and I found her page and began to read a blog that she had created about spouses that had been betrayed by infidelity. I was so angry with what I was reading and could not believe she would put this out there for anyone to read. In that moment, God struck me right in the heart and He said to me, "why are you angry? This is what you have caused."
I was sitting in that restaurant all alone with tears running down my face as I read several of her blogs back to back. I went from complete anger to total shame and a real sense of guilt for what I had done. How could someone, especially one who proclaims to be a Christian, have left a beautiful woman and two awesome kids with such pain and with such terrible feelings? While I didn't want to answer, I knew how- the lust of the flesh. My selfish motives had blinded me, and driven me to fulfill them and abandon the ones I loved. I had fallen and I had devastated and wrecked the one most precious thing in my life- my family.
Isn't it amazing how God used what my wife was fearful to share, to point me to Him? He knew what it would take for me to fully see the consequences of my sin, and He led her to write exactly what was needed in order to rescue me. That's God- He works in ways that at times, astound me! I am so thankful He gave her the gift of writing this blog, created to help others, but was also the source that led me straight into the arms of my Savior, and ultimately, home! Our prayer is that you may know this same God- One so interested in you! Oh, how He loves us!
For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 ESV
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. Romans 8:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Spirit Who convicts us of our sin and calls us into Your presence. We will never find true joy, peace and contentment outside of Your will. Forgive me, Father, for the many times I seek pleasure from my sinful desires, forgetting how only You can fill me, Lord. Help me to guard myself against Satan by arming myself with Your Word. Keep my feet on the path that leads to life, and may I always turn from wandering from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
No comments:
Post a Comment