An Accurate View of God

 Many people grow up with a warped view of God. He may be thought of as a huge etherial Creature that sits on a giant throne in some distant land in the sky. He's harsh, and ready to strike when you make a wrong move. He is impersonal and disinterested—unless you mess up. He makes rules that feel like punishment, and likes to hold back good things from us. He labels things as sinful that our nature naturally wants (sex outside of marriage, recreational drugs, excess alcohol, the love of money, etc)—depriving us. He's angry and menacing and watching with critical eyes. This view of God is completely wrong, and yet many people hold thoughts along these lines.

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15, ESV).

Other people fall on the other end of the spectrum and see God as a hip Friend in the sky. He loves us all (true) so much, that He will overlook our sin. He changes His mind about what His Word clearly says based on popular opinion of the present day. He's an "anything goes" kind of God who turns His face from sinful choices because He is our Friend and doesn't want to upset us or make waves. He's a God who takes every "good" person home to heaven when they die, no matter if they were a true believer or not. This is another completely false view of God that many hold as truth.

Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth (Psalm 96:9, ESV)!

The truth is, neither of these views is accurate. God is gracious and full of mercy, but He is also holy. God's holiness demands respect and reverence. God is also loving and kind, yet demands obedience, repentance from sin, and our whole hearts—a living sacrifice. He is fair and just and always in control. He isn't subject to change, which we should find refreshing and encouraging—we never have to wonder what He expects because He never changes. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8, ESV).

God is our Creator, and as such, He understands us perfectly. He knows what is bad for us and can cause us heartache and pain—that's why He asks us to keep our bodies pure. He doesn't hold things back from us to make us miserable; He asks us not to do certain things because they will damage us. God longs to have a relationship with each one of us, and yet He leaves our pursuit of Him as a choice we must make. He will pursue us, but He will never force us to choose Him. 

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me (Revelation 3:20, ESV).

Having an accurate view of God is important if we are to know Him and serve Him. The only way we can know Him is to come to Him through the Father. How is this possible? By putting our faith and trust in the gift of the cross of Calvary. There, Jesus died to put away sin forever, calling us to believe that He is the Son of God who died to rescue us from sin and hell, and rose on the third day, victorious over death. This truth is what we call 'salvation'—an act of acceptance in what Jesus accomplished for us on that cross. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, ESV).

Once we come to intimately know Jesus as our Savior, our view of Him should change. The more we study the Bible, the more we learn about Him. The more we pray and spend time with Him, the more clearly we see and understand Him. We won't have a warped view—we will begin seeing the truth of who God is through the lens of time spent learning and communicating with Him. 

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105, ESV).

God wants us to know Him—and He knows us better than anyone else ever could (and still loves us)! How we live and love as Christians has a loud voice. Our behavior reflects on our Savior. May we each live in such a way that the world has a clearer picture of who our God is, and that through us, they may have a desire to know Him better.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15, ESV),

Choose Truth

 The past year has been tough—that's not hard to deny. From dirty politics, to racial tension, to Covid19 information (or misinformation), one thing that stands out is how difficult it is to find truth these days. We can't find truth on the news; we are fed lies every day on social media, and we sure can't get a solid answer from our political leaders. It's disheartening and causes insecurity and fear. Our media feeds on this fear, piling on information that is greatly skewed. And while feeling disillusioned by outside sources is frustrating, it's far less hurtful than when it comes from our inner circle.

I was listening to a radio broadcast the other day and the pastor relayed a personal story that stuck with me. Someone had said something about him that was completely untrue—someone he knew and thought was his friend. This piece of information got under his skin and caused him three sleepless nights and plenty of anger. When he met with one of his friends for coffee, he brought up what had happened. His friend stopped him halfway through the conversation and said, "Enough. I don't want to hear about that anymore!" Taken aback, his friend went on to explain that what was said was untrue, in the past, and if dwelt on, would shift his focus from serving God to being sidetracked by this issue.

How many can relate to this story? I can. What people say about me matters—even though I often tend to brush it off outwardly (but inside it's very damaging). But when the information is inaccurate, it's even more hurtful. One point we need to consider is this—if you're doing something for the Lord, expect adversity. Nothing will trip us up more than an attack against our character—especially from a close source. And so when this happens, we must ask some questions of ourselves.

Is what has been said about me true in any way? Really allow yourself time to reflect on this and search for proof behind statements or assumptions. We often are not aware of how our words or actions may be taken by others. If there is truth to what has been said, address the issue and make the necessary changes. Mending relationships is important, and when we are at fault for the breech, we should be taking the first step to restoring the relationship.

What if the information is not true—what do I do about it? This can be difficult when it's coming from someone you know, trust, or love. It hurts. Addressing the issue and offering "your side" is helpful, but won't always correct the situation. If someone truly knows your character, they should be willing to hear your side and consider the possibility that what they have heard does not align with what they have observed in your words and actions. If they refuse to believe the truth over the misinformation they have heard, you will have to leave it at an apology and allow God to work in their hearts on the matter. Staying stuck in this place will rob you of your spiritual purpose and the joy we should experience as God's children.

What if the information is actually true–even if it was taken the wrong way? A heartfelt apology is in order—not only to the one you have offended, but to God as well. When we say or do hurtful things, we hurt more than just the person we offended—we hurt the heart of our Heavenly Father. This step goes against our pride and our fleshly desire to be "right". It's humbling to accept responsibility for our actions and to offer an apology, but it's absolutely required. The apology may or may not be accepted—and if it is not, that's on them. As believers, we should show care and grace when we offend or have been offended. 

Words can be very damaging. Gossip, lies against someone's character, and spreading misinformation hurt people. Consider this when you have something to say, or something to share with others. Is it true? Is it accurate? Is it profitable? Is it damaging? Will it build up, or tear down? Before we open our mouths, may we take into consideration these important questions, and be willing to shut our mouths when what we have to say is unkind, malicious or untrue. May we be known as encouragers and people who speak the truth in love. 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21, ESV).

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18, ESV).

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak (Matthew 12:36, ESV),

"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor (Exodus 20:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to weigh our words—the words we say and the words we hear. Help us to be truthful and to dwell on truth, knowing that dwelling on lies causes us to become angry and bitter. Purify our hearts so that our words will follow. In Your name we pray, Amen.

Lies We've Been Sold

I stood in front of my mirror the other morning and actually felt a little disgusted with myself. I blame Covid quarantine, but the truth is—it's rooted far deeper than that excuse. A little extra weight, gray roots and cellulite were enough to bring me frustration and a feeling of discontentment. We can't seem to see beyond the exterior, no matter how hard we wish we all could. "She's nice though", they say, which means she's lacking in less important ways. Does all of this resonate with you, or have you not "heard" what's expected of us—or so we've been disillusioned to believe?

The truth is, we've bought into the lies of Hollywood. It doesn't matter if I'm 50 because 50 is now the new 30. Really? Tell that to my body. If you aren't slim, dressed well, tan and have beautiful teeth and hair, you don't measure up. In fact, we have the audacity to say things like: "you could hardly blame him" when we lose the attention of our spouse. Do you know how ridiculous that statement is?  

This lie transfers to our relationships. There are those who choose a circle of friends that look a certain way or act a certain way—attractive and affluent. These relationships are often built on things that have no real lasting value and crumble when faced with adversity. The same is true of marriages. If they were based solely on looks and sexual attraction, they were built on a faulty foundation and won't be able to stand the test of hardship and the realities of life.

Who has ever thought their life would be better if they only looked better? There is a whole retail world full of proof that this is a common vein of thought. The fitness industry is also proof that we are a people who suffer greatly from insecurity. Yes—exercise is important, but oftentimes the sad reality is that we've bought into the perception that being fit is required for being loved and valued. So how do we combat the lies we've bought into and free ourselves from them? 

I'm going to share with you what God has to say about us, but understand that I'm in no way presenting to you that I'm free of insecurity myself. It's crazy to me how I can listen to the lies of Hollywood but refuse to believe the truth of my Creator. When I think of it that way, it honestly makes no sense. But on those days you may struggle yourself, with unwanted weight, thinning hair, wrinkles, or whatever it is you dislike about yourself (because we all have things we don't like), we can find comfort in God's Word. In It, we won't find condemnation for falling short of the world's standards; we will only find we are deeply loved and treasured by God.

First off—we are reminded from God's Word that outward beauty is not where it's at. Beauty fades and oftentimes produces vanity. What God sees as beauty is found inside of us. We may think to ourselves, "well, that won't get me married" but marrying someone based on our looks won't satisfy us or build a relationship that will last. What God sees as beautiful has to do with our hearts and our response to serving and loving Him. Here are a few scriptures that prove this truth:

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30)."

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4)."

I'm not sure about you, but I know for me, one of the joys of Heaven will be the relief found in laying aside the pressures of this world's standards. None of it will matter anymore, and none of what I invested myself in for furthering my outward beauty will follow me there. What will matter will be my inner beauty—or absence of it. Some of the most insecure people are those who seem to have everything on the outside but are empty inside. Let's make building up treasure in Heaven a greater goal than the effort we put in looking attractive on the outside.

For women especially, body image is a real struggle. We measure ourselves against 3-5% of the population considered "beautiful". The reality is, most of us don't fall into that tiny slice of the pie, but in God's eyes, all of that doesn't matter. What does matter is my heart. I hope, like me, you can remember these things when you have a morning where you feel overly critical of your flaws. I hope it helps you see yourself through God's eyes and releases you from the lies we've bought into. I hope that today, you remember how loved and treasured you are, and how you are made in the very image of God. 

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to see beyond the exterior and see what really matters in ourselves and in others. The world lies to us. Satan lies to us. But in You, we are loved and treasured. Thank You, Father, for that wonderful truth. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Reality as Christ Followers

 What does it really look like to follow Jesus? I think Christians today have a distorted view of what their life should be like as Christ followers. From the perversion of prosperity gospel, many have come to feel that the Christian life should be easy if we simply try to keep the rules. Give, and you'll be wealthy. Give, and you'll be healthy. Give, and God will bless your family and marriage and everything will go just as you dreamed it would. Is this biblical, or is it full of misconceptions and empty promises?

The best way to answer this in short is to look at Scripture. What does the Bible tell us to expect as Christians? Here are a few scriptures to consider:

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world (John 16:33). The Bible says as Christ followers, we will have tribulation—we can expect it! But it also tells us that even then, we can still feel the peace of knowing He is with us and will overcome the world.

And he said to them, "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions (Luke 12:15)." The Bible says an abundance of possessions will only lead us to coveting; jealous thoughts and sin. God doesn't ever say we will have everything we want, in fact, the more we have, the less we realize our need for Him.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18). The Bible says we will suffer at times, but to remember the eternal hope that awaits us in glory.

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2). The Bible says we should help bear one another's burdens—which shows us that burdens are part of life as a Christ follower.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)." The Bible says that loving money should not be part of our Christian experience. Instead, we should be content with what we have—not desiring earthly riches, but instead, remembering our wealth is found in our eternal inheritance.

I have been a Christ follower now for a little over 39 years! In that time, I've experienced some real honest-to-goodness hard seasons. I've seen so many other Christians experience really difficult trials, some personally, and some in those they love—sickness, death, bankruptcy, addiction, infidelity, betrayal, unemployment, and more. I haven't yet met a Christian who navigated life unscathed—no trials or difficulties. Sin has broken this world, and none of us are exempt from the consequences. 

If Christianity meant life would go smoothly, then the world would explode with followers—but the emphasis would be on the absence of trials and not on the Person we follow. God wants us to want Him for Who He is and what He did on the cross for us—not for personal gain or an easy life. The truth is, life is difficult, but as Christ followers we have a real Resource for help. Jesus left this earth when He was taken up into Heaven after His resurrection. But He did not leave us. Instead, He sent His Holy Spirit to live inside of every believer, giving us help through life's most difficult challenges. 

So if you are a Christ follower and life has had its harder seasons, you're not alone. Our suffering here is but for a little while; our hope rests in our eternal home—a place free from sin's "side effects". If you've been promised that life as a Christian will go well if you just follow a few simple guidelines, you've been lied to. Prosperity gospel is rooted in mistruths and has led many astray. Without life's problems, we would not feel the need we have for Jesus—and we do need Him. Our challenges are a blessing in many ways for showing us the way to Christ. 

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for meeting our needs, yet reminding us that life isn't about the abundance of possessions. We thank You for those hard seasons, and for how they help us to grow and depend on You. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!

God Hates

     The church has been remiss lately, to properly teach who God really is. We are comfortable with God's grace, speak easily of His love and forgiveness, and encourage others with His words of mercy and kindness. We easily share this message of Jesus with others, yet shy away from the rest of the story. But when we don't tell the whole story, the half we are comfortable with causes other to have a false idea of the gospel-one that fails to show their real need of redemption. The truth is, there are things that God hates, and when we understand that we all are guilty before Him, we can appreciate His purpose of coming to save us. 
     While it's true that God is love, we cannot soften the message of Jesus by forgetting the very things scripture tells us He hates. Solomon writes of seven things God hates in the book of Proverbs. God hates pride, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift at running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among others. (See Proverbs 6:16-19). And when each of us is honest, we are guilty before God. Churches are failing to proclaim this message, and instead, feed their flock messages that make them feel good about themselves.
This failure has led many to fall into the delusion of spiritual safety when in fact, their need has never been recognized.
     If we were good people, God would not have had to send His perfect, holy Son to the world to die for us. It would have been a waste and completely unnecessary, yet God never does anything without a clear purpose. Our generation enjoys sin, and I don't think this is a new concept. Sin gives us a season of pleasure, and we want to excuse our actions because we don't want to stop them. We also don't want to face the fact that our behavior requires reconciliation with God. If you attend a place of worship that is failing to teach the truth about the need for redemption from sin, the message being taught is inaccurate and deceptive. If you attend a place that preaches of sin and the consequence for it, including the good news of the Cross, thank God you are in a place sharing the whole message of Jesus.
     Our world wants a sin tolerant God. We make excuses for sinful behavior, claiming God's love for all, as a way to reconcile our choices. The truth is, God does love each person, regardless of our behavior. But the flip side is that God hates sin. Scripture is clear about what sin is, and how God feels about it. God's Word is not open to negotiation, and what was recorded in His Word is no less relevant today. Satan has been masterful in infiltrating the message and hearts of God's people with a disconnection from the true state of each of us before a Holy God. The sobering truth is that our failure to reconcile our sin before God results in an eternity in hell. It's a message that makes us squirm. It isn't a feel good message, but the gospel is.
     We can't share the truth about what God hates without remembering what He loves-He loves us! Our sin is only a temporary barrier when we allow God's grace to remove it from us through His sacrifice at Calvary. His blood cleanses us from our sin, removing the punishment for the sins He hates. God's love transforms us, bringing us out of spiritual darkness into light! And when we realize the depravity of our hearts, we have such a deeper appreciation of God's sacrifice! Yes, we need saving, but thank God He made a bridge through the blood of Jesus! Let's be responsible with sharing the whole message of Jesus-not shying away from the truth of our real need for rescue!

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23, ESV).
For we all must appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil (2 Corinthians 5:10, ESV).
Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out (Acts 3:19, ESV),
And if anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire (Revelation 20:15, ESV).

Dear heavenly Father, give us courage to share the whole message of Your gospel, and the need we have of redemption from sin. May we speak an accurate message filled with Your truth, and may we see it transform the lives of the lost. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

Patterns and Rebuilding Trust

     Starting over again is a wonderful gift that only God could've given us. I am thankful each day that we are establishing a new marriage relationship, and not working toward a divorce. Things are brighter, better, and shine with promise. And while there is so much positive stuff going on, the damage from behind us lurks in the mind, and Satan beckons us to listen to his old spiel of garbage. What will we do with what he whispers to us, and how can we make sure we don't buy into his load of bull again?
     If you are the betrayed spouse and find yourself rebuilding a marriage that has been damaged by infidelity, you know the struggles associated with it. Any behavior out of the new norm causes anxious thoughts. There are certain triggers that would cause me to panic, should I see them arise. And even with our best plan to stay focused on the present, our past often calls out to us and tries to derail the progress we are making. 
     Our wonderful marriage counselor has given some great advice on this. Look for patterns, and unless they are there, push away doubts that may try to creep in. In the past, my husband had a clear pattern for behavior associated with infidelity. In the present, none of that behavior exists- therefore, I need to focus on the good that is happening, and refuse to listen to the lies of the devil. When I find my mind going to my old crazy place, I have chosen instead to focus on this scripture, full of hope and encouragement : "Finally brothers (or sisters), whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is JUST, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is COMMENDABLE, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS." (Philippians 4:8 ESV).
     Our mind is a complicated place, full of ideas and thoughts and imaginations. I am learning to train mine to focus on what is true, and not what may happen. There isn't really a better tool I've found for navigating through negative thought patterns, than to focus on the actual truth of this moment. God has used this scripture to re-train my brain from unhealthy places that can get me stuck in negativity from untruths. What a waste of my time and energy it is to stay in those bad places. If you're fighting against thoughts that hold no real truth or legitimacy in your present place, I encourage you to find the help and hope I have found in Philippians 4:8. Each time your mind goes to a place of worry and fear, train it instead, to think on things that are lovely, pure, honorable, just, praise worthy, and true! And in time, I believe with assurance, my brain will figure out it just isn't worth messing with Satan's lies. Our good God gives us all that we need to be successful within His Word! Praise the Lord for not leaving us alone in our struggles, but supplying our every need to be victorious over them!

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 ESV
Lead me in truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:5 ESV
Even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:17 ESV
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Psalm 51:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of Your Word, so full of all we need and yet we often struggle. We struggle because we don't use Your Word to give us truth and focus, and I confess that before You, Lord. I thank You for giving the gift of re-training our minds to focus on You and all that You are to us. Help me each day, to remember the power I possess in Your Spirit. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Sunday Relationship Post- Secrets

     You can probably go way back to your earliest memories and recall the birth of secret keeping in your life. Whispers in the ears of your sister or brother that circled around a likely trivial thought or event. "Don't tell," we would say. Or those hushed voice conversations with our best friends at recess, revealing our deepest thoughts. Whatever your memories conjure up, these were harmless secrets we often did tell, even if we promised not to.
     Then life got a little more complicated, and so did the secrets. They took on a more serious tone now, with real consequences if we failed to uphold our promise to keep them. The truth is, we all need someone to talk to and share our feelings with, and oftentimes our burdens are carried by others when we feel free enough to share. Having a trusted confidant is invaluable when life throws up some curveballs. 
     Then comes marriage. This a place where secrets are dangerous. They divide us and cause distrust. While our spouse should be our greatest confidant, we often turn to others instead. When we are faced with serious issues, we need to have open communication in order to be able to share our struggles with our spouse. It's so important to feel comfortable sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings in a marriage. And if we feel things about one another that are things we see as issues, we need to go to our spouse for resolution, rather than an outside source. 
     There are secrets that are harmless- surprises for one another or sensitive information told to us through another relationship that will not have any impact on your marriage. But in most cases, secrets will cause trouble in a marriage, and open doors of distrust and insecurity. When it comes to infidelity, secrets are the root problem and in order to heal and reestablish trust, they are off limits. The importance of honesty and openness cannot be overstated. Simply put, make a promise to keep nothing from your spouse- not overspending, not an encounter with a flirt, not career decisions, not parenting issues, nor any other piece of information that should be openly shared. 
     God has called each of His children to honesty. We cannot keep secrets from Him since He knows all, and sees all. And He doesn't want us to keep them in our marriages either. Honesty is a characteristic we associate with a godly marriage, and if we want our marriage to be healthy and God honoring, secrets have no place in them. As difficult as it is, I challenge you to open the doors of your heart and mind with your spouse and put away secrets that divide, not unite. 

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Luke 12:2 ESV
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:25 ESV
I tell you on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:36-37 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for honesty in my marriage and all of my relationships. Keep me from covering up secrets from those I love, and from tearing down trust in relationships I have with my loved ones. Help me to be a person of my word, and to be trusted by all that know me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

His Story- Buried in Lies

     Have you ever found yourself caught in a lie? We have to all be honest here- we all lie. It's not okay, and it's doesn't make it excusable, but we are all guilty. It's an uncomfortable moment, to know you are caught, and yet we seldom just raise our hand, and say- I'm sorry, I lied. Instead, we usually tell another one to try to get out of the first. It's an ugly cycle, for sure. When it comes to infidelity, everything is pretty much a lie.
     An affair is not based on truth. We tell lies, or lies of omission, to cover up the truth. The simple act of slipping off a wedding ring to deceive, is a lie. Leaving out details of my marriage and family, is dishonest. Telling my wife lies to hide my actions became second nature. It was an ugly and exhausting place to live- a world of disillusionment. This was not what I had been saved for- rather it had been what I was saved from! And here I was, shrugging back into the cloak of sin and evil. 
     I have always been known by others for my integrity and honesty, and for the truth of who I had become to be uncovered, made me very uncomfortable, and shattered my image and self-esteem. The truth is this- lies are humbling. I had lived too long in a place of pride and dishonesty, and living a double life would eventually bring me to the bottom. 
     It's hard to lose respect of those who loved me the most, and yet it was because of my own actions. There wasn't a time I was comfortable with my actions or the lies I was telling, and yet I continued to do it out of selfishness. It took a long time for me to see what was driving me to this out-of-character behavior, but the bottom line was simply a selfishness that had no place in the life of a believer.
     You may struggle with lies as well, and find it hard to keep track of what you have said. Lies hurt those that love us, but they also hurt our Heavenly Father. Lies need to be confessed in order to be forgiven. If you are the one deceiving, own up to it and allow God to help make things right. If you have been hurt by the lies of your spouse, I pray you will get the apology you so deserve. But if you don't, you can still find freedom in forgiving them without ever receiving an apology. You can't ever make a marriage reconcile this way, but if reconciliation isn't possible, freedom always is. I am so grateful for the grace of God, for without it, I would be lost forever. His grace makes all things possible, and the grace shown to me by my wife was a gift I couldn't understand, apart from her knowing the heart of our Savior. I am thankful to share my journey with you, and pray that through my sin and betrayal, I can point you to the only One that can erase it all, and give hope and life through His Son!

Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22 ESV
Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Colossians 3:9-10 ESV
For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light. Luke 8:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live in truth, and to let my words be acceptable in Your sight. Forgive me for lies, deceit, and selfishness. Help to restore my relationships, and to be a man after Your heart. I thank You for grace, and second chances. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Relinquishing Control in our Marriage Messes

     I don't like gray. I'm not talking colors, I'm talking about things that fall outside the lines. I am more of a black and white girl, and prefer safety nets. I don't like vague or the unknown. These things make my head spin and fill me with anxiety. If I'm honest, I don't like giving control over to anyone else, in case they mess things up. And when my marriage crumbled, I wanted to figure out a way I could fix it- fast! 
     Maybe if I said just the right thing at the right time, I could turn this shipwreck around. If I dressed differently, maybe he would return my affection, and ultimately return home. I came up with quite a few game plans, and watched every one of them go up in smoke. I begged and pleaded with God to fix things. I knew He was able, but He chose not to immediately release me from this fiery trial. I remember the countless times that I lay crumbled on the floor, tearfully pleading with my Heavenly Father to have mercy and restore my husband and my marriage. There was no doubt in my mind of His ability to swiftly answer me in the positive, yet He remained silent on the matter.
     Friends, when God is silent, He is STILL working. If God had answered me right away, and brought my husband home, I would not know Him the way I do today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with worry. Worry says I am not trusting God, and that stings when I hear it plainly stated. All of my suggestions to Him on what He could try next, are actually insulting to Who He is. How could I think I knew better than God? I'm ashamed, looking back, at some of my thought patterns which perfectly displayed my distrust in the Lord. 
     Infidelity is so traumatic, that we often don't think clearly. If I can't trust my husband anymore, can I trust God? I knew in my head that God was trustworthy, but my heart was just not getting it. The truth is, God cares for my marriage more than I ever possibly could, but He also cares about me individually. Just as we want our children to trust us, especially with the big things in life, God is no different with us. By choosing to make me wait, He exercised my faith in Who He is. When I tried to maintain the control I never really had, I became anxious. But when I relinquished control and let God fight my battles, I felt peace.  
     If your marriage is a mess, I get it, it's stressful. If you're struggling with trying to control the outcome, I know of One Who is able to handle it for you. Honestly, the problem is just too big for us, but it isn't too big for our God. When we allow Him to step in and take control, we can have faith that the best possible outcome will happen- and only He knows what that is. Letting the fate of my marriage rest in the hands of the Almighty was the only path to the peace I longed for. He knows what we need, and when to move. Stop fighting for control, sweet friend, and lay your burden at His feet. Rest in knowing that this all powerful God can handle it, and we simply can't! 

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV
Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. Psalm 115:3 ESV
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your absolute ability to handle my problems. Forgive me for trying to control my marriage, and its outcome. Help me to remember that I will only feel peace when I leave it in Your capable hands, and that anxiety will attack me when I try to do it on my own. Thank You for caring not only for my marriage, but for me. I love You for being invested in every aspect of my life, and will always be grateful that You chose me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

A Day in the Life of Broken Trust

     It starts with one lie. This isn't a lie that says, "no- that dress doesn't make you look fat (when maybe it does)!" It's something more serious in nature than that. For me, what stands out the most was a lie about location. The trip home from work was taking longer and longer and things were starting to not add up. Once you notice one lie, you begin to see more clearly that others follow. This begins the slow and awful crumble to marital ruin, because one solid foundation of marriage, is trust.
     My days and my thought patterns were completely altered once I lost trust in my husband. There were actions that continued to chink away at what was left of our marriage. Weird locations. Cell phone always face down. Constant texting when all of our family was present. New clothing. Long hours at the gym. A loss of intimacy. Weekend business trips. Anger. Sarcasm. Loss of interest in spiritual things. These were all terrifying to witness, and pointed to the awful truth we never want to accept in our marriages- unfaithfulness! 
     When we begin to doubt that we can trust our spouse, we begin to wonder if anyone is truly authentic. This is someone that should never have been dishonest with us. Marriage should be an open book- one where we are free to share our thoughts and feelings and be completely honest (except for the dress- because maybe I don't REALLY want to know that). When trust is jeopardized, walls go up. When walls go up, communication suffers. 
     The mind of a spouse that has lost trust is a complicated place. Anxiety sprouts up with anything that seems out of place. The mind goes to conclusions that are often not based on fact, but on fears. We imagine the worst, because we are living it. We initially lose confidence because the lies take away our security. It's a definite body slam to our world, and how we decide to brush ourselves off, and stand up is crucial to how we move forward in a spiritually healthy way. For me, there was One I knew I could always trust. His Word is full of kept promises and security. I knew that no matter who let me down on this earth, God never would. For this simple, yet beautiful reason, I clung to Him with desperation. 
     If you are floundering in a world of distrust and insecurity, I want to encourage you to start with Jesus. In Him, we are accepted. In Him, we are loved. In Him, we will never be lied to or rejected. In His Words, we can find healing. And with Him, we can learn to trust again. Whether it is in our marriages, or in other relationships, we are given the tools through scripture. We may or may not be given the opportunity to rebuild our marriages. I am confident if we are given the opportunity, through Christ, we can restore trust in time. It won't be a quick and easy process, but it can happen with broken and willing hearts. If we aren't given that opportunity with our spouse, we can find solid ground in our Savior. He does not want us to live in a world jaded by lies, but wants us to live in the freedom of His absolute truth. Living in fear of lies is not God's plan for us. So when these fears cross my mind and heart, I need to lay them at the feet of my Heavenly Father, and let them go. There is freedom in the blood of Jesus, and I'm going to choose His freedom over Satan's fear.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God, I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4 ESV
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 ESV
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. Psalm 13:5 ESV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, 
When lies threaten my security, help me look to You for solid ground. While lies hurt me, I pray You will open my heart in time to healing and forgiveness. Help me to find freedom from the fear of lies, and rest in the sure foundation of Your love and truth. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

The Pain of Rejection

     We all struggle with insecurities and things that make us feel like we come up short. We wish we were thinner, younger, smarter, more organized, more talented, better looking, and a handful of other things. We are usually our own worst critics. I can see my own flaws so easily, and fail to see the good qualities I possess. Couple that with rejection from your spouse, and you have a real recipe for feeling sad and insecure. 
     We've heard it since we were young if we grew up in church. We are told we are beautiful in God's eyes- a masterpiece. And while that sounds good to our ears, it doesn't seem to speak louder than being cast aside by our spouse. We get waylaid by the rejection, and wonder what is wrong with us. Why am I not good enough? Was it my extra pounds, double chin, or maybe my cellulite? Was I not interesting or exciting to be around? Maybe I was too silly or too serious. Whatever the case, we begin to doubt ourselves, and our qualities. When we listen to the voices of rejection, we fall into Satan's trap for us. It holds us captive in self pity and insecurity, and puts us in a form of bondage that God doesn't want for us. 
     The bottom line when it comes to marriage, is even if I tacked on 100 extra pounds, grew a second nose, or acquired a disfiguring injury, none of that disqualifies me from being chosen by my spouse. If I chose to talk less or laugh too loud, it may be annoying, but it isn't an excuse to look elsewhere. Marriage isn't based on our qualifications, but on a vow made before our Heavenly Father. When a married person forgets this, it is deeply disappointing to God, and is emotionally traumatic to their spouse. 
     If you're stuck in the hurt of feeling rejected, I am so sorry. I won't say I don't understand, because I do. I could sit beside you, shoulder to shoulder, and tell you "me too." It hurts to be told that you aren't wanted anymore. We touched on it earlier in this post, but we need to listen closer to God's voice. We really are a masterpiece! We really are fearfully and wonderfully made. Those are truths told to us by our Creator. He doesn't tell lies or change His mind about what He has said. These are statements that can set us free from our insecurities. God promises us, even in the middle of this painful journey, that better days are ahead for us. He DOES have good plans for us. He will never reject us, and His love will never fail. Let's cling to these words from God's Word: 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 ESV
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 NLT
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live in truth rather than Satan's lies. Help me escape the trap of insecurity so I can live with purpose- Your purpose for me! Give healing and help in this dark part of my journey, and help me remember the hope of better days ahead. Thank you for Your faithful love, and for accepting all who come to You, and never rejecting us. It is a privilege to be accepted by You, Lord, and I thank You for not overlooking me, or setting me aside. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!