Why Do I Need Friends?

          "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then  
           wait to hear the answer." - Ed Cunningham

      I had just lost a pregnancy I desperately longed for since I was a little girl, it seemed. A sonogram revealed something I never imagined- my baby had died in the womb. A "blighted ovum" they called it, something that was fairly common, but didn't feel common to me. Tears came until there were none left. I was heartbroken, tired and out of words. All of the anticipation of being a mom ended with a D & C, removing the remains of my precious first child. So many people loved me, and I knew that. But I'll never forget the friend that came to sit with me- not to say anything, because no amount of words could fix my sadness. She came to sit with me, just offering her presence. She mourned across the couch, and I felt better because I knew she was there. She was a friend to me in my time of need, and I was so thankful for her.
     Then there was that awful period after my marriage fell apart. My home was similar to one that had just lost a family member, and in a sense, that's exactly what had happened. People brought food. People came to sit with me. People came to pray with me. These precious friends cried with me, too- feeling my grief alongside me. They came to hang out and help me feel supported and less lonely. They sent flowers and cards, and texted to check on me. They helped to fill a huge void in my life- the missing companionship of my husband. These people gave me life when my heart felt dead. They made me smile and laugh and gave me light when I felt surrounded by darkness. Because that's what friends do, right?
     Friends are something we all need. They enrich our lives and throw us a lifeline when life gets rough and we feel like we're drowning in sorrow and fear. Our all-knowing, wonderful God created the whole concept of friendship for a reason- because He knew how much we needed them. Women generally do better with establishing friendships than men, yet men are no less in need of true friends. Friends are a huge source of support throughout our lives, offering love, advice, help and encouragement. Friends are a network of accountability as well, giving us a sounding board and perspective. They tell us when we need to straighten up- not afraid of ruffling our feathers. 
     Life's problems seem a little more bearable with the support of our friends. We feel more capable in hard times, because they help us carry the load. We share our burdens with our closest friends, not worried they will ostracize us or turn their backs on us. We can be vulnerable with them, because we know they care for us and want what's best for us. Men- you need people like this in your life, and you need to learn to be a friend to other men that need you. When you have friends, they will be there for you when you fall. They will encourage you to get back up again. Women- if you struggle with friendships, you also need them. You can try to handle life's problems alone, but why would you want to? As Christians, we enjoy a friend relationship with our heavenly Father, but we also need a godly network of people in our lives that will be there for us in good times and bad times. If you find yourself in a crisis, these people will be there for you. I will always be thankful for my friend group, and for how they carried me through my most painful seasons. If you're one of them, know you will always have a special place in my heart. And if you ever need a friend, I am here for you. Let's not be too proud to share our burdens and allow others to help us when our burdens are simply too heavy for us to carry ourselves. Thank God for the gift of friendship, and how He gives abundantly when we simply ask for a friend. 
PS... My husband that I wrote about in this post? Today, he's my closest friend. I'll never get over how amazing God is, and how He really does give abundantly more!

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9 (ESV)
A friend loves at all times, ... Proverbs 17:17a (ESV)
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another, Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of friendship. Thank You for those You have placed in our lives, sharing the burdens and joys we experience. Help us, in turn, to be a good friend to others. And Father, we thank You for being our greatest Friend. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Rings

     I will never forget the day my best friend became my fiance, and slipped an engagement ring on my finger. We were walking along the beach on Topsail Island, and he proposed to me. That ring was special to me, and so was the man that placed it on my hand. I couldn't wait to show everyone- so much so, that even though I had sun poisoning on my LIPS, and had pink scaly lotion on them, I just HAD to go to church to share my news. Seriously, I can't believe I did that, looking back!
     Rings are special, especially to us women. And the story behind them is even more special. So when I decided to remove my wedding ring, it tore at my heart. My ring meant that I belonged to someone, and removing it meant that I didn't. Most people my age wore one, and I wondered how many, like me, took it for granted. When I first put mine on at the age of 22, I never really took it off. It was there, and after the initial newness of it wore off, I didn't really pay too much attention to it. 
     If you have faced infidelity, you may have your own "ring story". My husband removed his immediately- and seeing his hand without it, made me feel sick to my stomach.  Initially, I kept mine on for a month or two, unable to part with the significance of the promises I had made. But slowly, I began to see that it was a symbol of what was, rather than what is. I would have given anything to not face the truth, but my marriage was simply broken, and until that changed, my ring would remain packed away. 
     It's hard to face promises that aren't kept. When we make a promise, we should keep it, and I especially felt this was true regarding a marriage union. But the bottom line is, we can only control our end of keeping promises- the responsibility of the promises made by our spouse rests on them. When I slipped off my wedding ring, it wasn't because I forgot the promises I made, it was because he did. 
     I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father that always keeps His promises! He will never let us down, and we can always count on Him to follow through on His Word. I thought of that often, as I looked at my empty ring finger. While my husband forgot what he vowed on that hot summer day in 1993, Jesus won't ever forget me. If you are brokenhearted because someone let you down in a big way, allow the comfort of a faithful Savior to soothe your pain. Remind yourself of the promises He has made to you, and that He has good plans for you- even though your heart hurts today. Oh, how He loves us!

It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Ecclesiastes 5:5 ESV
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Numbers 23:19 ESV
So that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. Hebrews 6:18 ESV
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, it hurts to have our hearts broken by empty promises; especially by our own spouse. Give me the help, courage, and strength for whatever is ahead, and give me wisdom to follow Your way for me. Open doors that should be open, and close doors that should be closed- and help me to honor whichever You choose for me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!