Why Do I Need Friends?

          "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then  
           wait to hear the answer." - Ed Cunningham

      I had just lost a pregnancy I desperately longed for since I was a little girl, it seemed. A sonogram revealed something I never imagined- my baby had died in the womb. A "blighted ovum" they called it, something that was fairly common, but didn't feel common to me. Tears came until there were none left. I was heartbroken, tired and out of words. All of the anticipation of being a mom ended with a D & C, removing the remains of my precious first child. So many people loved me, and I knew that. But I'll never forget the friend that came to sit with me- not to say anything, because no amount of words could fix my sadness. She came to sit with me, just offering her presence. She mourned across the couch, and I felt better because I knew she was there. She was a friend to me in my time of need, and I was so thankful for her.
     Then there was that awful period after my marriage fell apart. My home was similar to one that had just lost a family member, and in a sense, that's exactly what had happened. People brought food. People came to sit with me. People came to pray with me. These precious friends cried with me, too- feeling my grief alongside me. They came to hang out and help me feel supported and less lonely. They sent flowers and cards, and texted to check on me. They helped to fill a huge void in my life- the missing companionship of my husband. These people gave me life when my heart felt dead. They made me smile and laugh and gave me light when I felt surrounded by darkness. Because that's what friends do, right?
     Friends are something we all need. They enrich our lives and throw us a lifeline when life gets rough and we feel like we're drowning in sorrow and fear. Our all-knowing, wonderful God created the whole concept of friendship for a reason- because He knew how much we needed them. Women generally do better with establishing friendships than men, yet men are no less in need of true friends. Friends are a huge source of support throughout our lives, offering love, advice, help and encouragement. Friends are a network of accountability as well, giving us a sounding board and perspective. They tell us when we need to straighten up- not afraid of ruffling our feathers. 
     Life's problems seem a little more bearable with the support of our friends. We feel more capable in hard times, because they help us carry the load. We share our burdens with our closest friends, not worried they will ostracize us or turn their backs on us. We can be vulnerable with them, because we know they care for us and want what's best for us. Men- you need people like this in your life, and you need to learn to be a friend to other men that need you. When you have friends, they will be there for you when you fall. They will encourage you to get back up again. Women- if you struggle with friendships, you also need them. You can try to handle life's problems alone, but why would you want to? As Christians, we enjoy a friend relationship with our heavenly Father, but we also need a godly network of people in our lives that will be there for us in good times and bad times. If you find yourself in a crisis, these people will be there for you. I will always be thankful for my friend group, and for how they carried me through my most painful seasons. If you're one of them, know you will always have a special place in my heart. And if you ever need a friend, I am here for you. Let's not be too proud to share our burdens and allow others to help us when our burdens are simply too heavy for us to carry ourselves. Thank God for the gift of friendship, and how He gives abundantly when we simply ask for a friend. 
PS... My husband that I wrote about in this post? Today, he's my closest friend. I'll never get over how amazing God is, and how He really does give abundantly more!

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9 (ESV)
A friend loves at all times, ... Proverbs 17:17a (ESV)
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another, Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of friendship. Thank You for those You have placed in our lives, sharing the burdens and joys we experience. Help us, in turn, to be a good friend to others. And Father, we thank You for being our greatest Friend. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Those Who Believe in Us

     I've been blessed in life with a large support group. These people believe in me, even when I doubt myself. They've encouraged me through the more difficult classes or exams in my years of education, prayed for me when I was ill, rallied me through child rearing, cheered for me during competition, and consoled me in my heartaches. These are people who love me, and they back up their words with action. I am thankful for this wonderful group of people, and oftentimes wonder what I would do without them. 

     Having people that believe in me is pretty powerful, but I am also blessed with people that believe in us- my marriage, specifically. Spending time with people who support my marriage, whether in good times or bad times, is so important. I've witnessed people who cheer for the individual, and not for the couple. They will encourage you to "do you", and that "we" aren't so much the focus. If you have people encouraging this way of thinking in you, I will boldly say this way of thinking is against scriptural teaching. 

     Marriage was God's idea. It is a covenant made before God, that isn't meant to be broken. While a marriage facing a sexual affair, like mine, breaks the covenant, God is always a God of restoration. He believes in mending broken things, just like He believes in saving sinners. People who supported our marriage in the darkest of times, were true warriors and champions of love. We were rich with many who prayed for us, visited us, encouraged us, and supported restoration, continuing to do the same today. They believed restoration would happen for us, not giving in to doubt.  

     While having people who believe in me is a gift I greatly appreciate, having people who believe in us is invaluable. Believing in us requires faith- faith that God would work a miracle in us. It required knowledge in One able to restore, transform, and heal. Without the hand of God intervening, I have no doubt we would have been finished. But I love how God gave us people early on in our marriage- people who understood marriage God's way. People who knew the Master Healer, and how He longed to heal the broken. People who refused to bash our spouse, even when they likely deserved it. People who knew, somehow, someway, that God would see us through. 

     If you are married, surround yourselves with people who believe in the two of you. When you do, you have a good support system in place if you ever find your marriage in a crisis. While we always have our Heavenly Father available to us in any situation, we know He gives us other believers to help hold us up through life's journey. I am thankful for each person God has placed in our lives for support and care. And I am thankful for those who not only believed in me, but believed in the truth that what God began in the two of us, He would bring to completion. Because of what they witnessed God do in their own lives, they knew that no situation was without hope- not even us! Thank you for never giving up on us, and believing in the beautiful reality of what we are enjoying in our present- a restored marriage! 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13 ESV
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Romans 14:19 ESV
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, Hebrews 10:24 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for surrounding me with people who believe in my marriage. In the dark times, it must've seemed difficult to imagine a restored marriage for us, but there were those that continued to believe it would happen. Thank You for those who continued to remain hopeful, supporting us with encouragement,  because they knew the God we serve- A God who delights in restoration. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

So, What Next?

     What a journey this has been, blogging our story. What blows me away is when it all began, it was so different than where we ended up. I started this journey with a broken heart and little hope at restoration, and look what God did! It's our miracle story, and one I will always be grateful for and humbled by. We made friends along the way- you know who you are. So many of you wrote words of support, love and encouragement. For those who did, you'll never know how much that meant to me. For those who liked and shared and commented- thank you! You guys were the ones that kept me going when I didn't always feel like it! 
      While it may seem our story has come to an end, in reality- it's just starting, and we feel so blessed. I am not leaving my blog site or website, but our posts will now only be once a week. I will share old posts on occasion to reach new readers who may be freshly beginning their infidelity journey. Occasionally, I will blog more about our life as we go, but I will primarily share relationship posts and updates on my devotional book release expected later this year. Many of you encouraged me to seek publishing, and because of your support, my dream is becoming a reality. Thank you so much for that; we can't wait to see what God has for us through writing and sharing our story with others. 
     To my parents- your support in my writing has been such a blessing to me. You each read daily, comment, and personally encouraged me each time I saw you! I love you both so much, and I'm so grateful for your help and support. To those who emailed me regarding your own marriage battle, don't think for a minute that we will stop praying for you! You are the reason we wrote each day, and we are so thankful you are sharing your story with us. To my kids- thank you for allowing yourselves to be interjected into my posts. You guys are my rock stars, and have been by my side each step of the way! To those who pray for us- you have no idea how much that means to us! Without God's intervention, my life story would be very different today. To my little brother who shares my Twitter post EVERY SINGLE DAY, thanks, D:) To my sister and her husband- your therapy dinners out with us are some of our most favorite times. To my sister-in-law- you were seriously such a lifeline to me and I'll treasure you always! To my family and friends who fought this battle with us each day- I love you from the bottom of my heart. 
     And then there is my husband. You always had my heart, no matter what. My eyes tear up thinking of what we have come through, but in the end- you chose me all over again. I'm honored to share life with you, and I'll always be your biggest fan. You are the reason for the sparkle in my eyes, and the light in my smile. Thank you for loving me, for all you do for me, and for allowing God to change your heart. I believe with everything in me that our best years are ahead of us, and I can't wait to see the blessings God has for us. I love you forever and always!
     Last, but most precious, is the love and faithfulness of my Jesus. I love this  name, for it was Jesus Who experienced life in this world, yet never sinned. He never hurt anyone, He never turned His back on anyone- He was human, yet perfect and holy. And what a precious name He was given- One Who would save His people from their sins, and I'm so thankful that included me. Without His hand in my life, I would be lost, empty and hopeless. His care for me is such a wonderful gift, and He cared so much for my marriage, that He reached down and rescued it. Jesus, I will forever love You, and look forward to serving You for all eternity. Thank You, Lord, for Your grace, mercy and love, and for giving me more than I could ever ask or imagine. 
     Thank you all again for sharing by reading- and the many other ways you showed you cared. May each of you experience God's best in your lives, and may you truly know Him and live to serve Him. Putting Him first will always be the wisest choice and will lead you to His best ever story for you. My heart is touched by all of you- some known to me, and some I don't know. Please share our website with any who may need it- theselightafflictions.com. You're always welcome to contact us through FB or email- roomcdonald@bellsouth.net. God bless you all!
Love, Ruth

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11a ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for each reader and their support and encouragement. I pray that our story helps others who are hurting and struggling through their own story of infidelity. Open doors You want us to walk through and lead us away from closed doors- and give us the faith and wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Broken Home- Broken Kids

     I am a mama bear when it comes to my babies. My babies really aren't babies- they are in their early 20's, but to me, they will always be my babies.  If you hurt them, it hurts me more. I would walk through fire for them, and slay dragons for them, if they existed. I don't like to see them disappointed or hurt, and most parents feel the same way.
     One of Satan's biggest lies, regarding separation and divorce, is that it's better for the kids this way. Unless we are talking an abusive relationship, I don't buy that lie. I witnessed the change in my children, and the devastating effect it had on them- and it wasn't for the better. Their security was shattered, their role model was tarnished, and their lives were forever changed by infidelity. 
     My kids grew up in a home centered on Jesus, and the principles of God's Word. They were told from the earliest age that we would always be together, and they didn't have to worry about divorce in our home. We told them we were 100% committed to one another, and would always remain that way. So they didn't worry- it wasn't in the cards for our family. They saw their friends families broken, but never feared it would happen to us. So when it did, it was completely unexpected, and an absolute shock.
     Our children are a gift to us. They look up to us, and a stable upbringing is so important for a healthy mind. I will never forget the looks on the faces of our kids when they were told by their dad he was choosing to leave. If I could stop right here, and just reach out to any reader that may be on the side of having an affair- PLEASE COUNT THE COST! And for any other reader- GUARD YOUR MARRIAGE, PLEASE! Infidelity causes so much pain, and steals so much, from so many.
     While there is a lot of brokenness in our family and home, we serve a God of restoration. If you are a christian, you've witnessed how He changed you when He brought you out of darkness, into His light. This same God can do this with marriages, and families. He can't do it without our cooperation, but apart from Him, I have no doubt we would remain broken. Relationships have to be rebuilt, and trust and respect will be a process. While I am a fan of quick fixes, there isn't one for a home assaulted by infidelity. 
     While a quick fix isn't possible, a long term solution is. In Him, there is always hope when we are willing. If you are both willing, the first key is to have God at the center of all that is ahead. If you try to use any substitute for the Holy Spirit, the results will be lacking. Be there for your kids as a safe place to share feelings, and give them love and support. Encourage counseling and foster an open line of communication with them. While we will at times fail our kids as parents, our Heavenly Father never will. We have the perfect example in Him, and the perfect Parent. We will fall short of His example, but with His guidance, and our obedience to Him, we can repair what was broken. It may never be the same, but there is a possibility for something better- and only God can do that. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, Titus 2:7 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. Psalm 71:20-21

Dear Heavenly Father, help our children who are hurting from our choices, and those of our spouses. Help us to be there for them, and show them unconditional love and support. Give healing and restoration, as only You can. I thank You for the precious gift of our children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!