The more time we spent together, the more we knew things were not only different this time, but right. We were living separately, and we wanted that to change soon. Evening and weekend dates were great, but as a married couple wanting to re-commit and spend forever together, it just wasn't enough. Every time he drove away from our driveway after dropping me off, my heart felt sad and incomplete. And so we began to make some plans.
Our biggest issue wasn't even about us, but for those who had to "catch up" with our own feelings- namely, our kids and relatives. While we were ready to move forward, we understood it could be a challenge for those closely connected to us. This was a topic we discussed at length in our counseling sessions, yet as adults, we were encouraged to do what was right for our marriage, and in time, others would see what we knew in our own hearts. By spending time with others in our new start together, they would be able to see the changes in us, and in my husband.
We wanted to start fresh- new vows, new rings and a new "us". We chose a date for my husband to return home, and we chose a date for renewing our vows. We went to Jared's (because if you don't go there, they can't say "he went to Jared's";) and picked out new rings. We made plans for what we wanted our vow ceremony to look like, and who we wanted to attend. We planned a second honeymoon and we started to get pretty excited for what was ahead.
As I've said so many times, our fresh start wouldn't have been possible without the unmistakeable hand of God. He moved in ways that to this day, amaze and humble me. He uses people we may never expect Him to. He uses abilities we didn't know we had. He uses music. He uses conviction of our spirit. He is truly all-powerful and as scripture tells us, there is nothing too hard for Him. It is humbling to know that this Almighty God would care for our marriage and our lives. Who am I, that God should care? His ways are beyond my thinking, and His goodness exceeds my understanding. No matter what is happening in your own life, be assured that He is interested- He is watching, listening and working. There is such an enormous amount of comfort in knowing that the very One that holds the world in His hands, holds me- and He holds you, too! Don't ever lose sight of this One we serve, and how deeply He cares for us!
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world," John 16:33 ESV
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for caring about me and for my marriage. Your power is more than I can understand, and apart from it, my marriage would've never had a chance for a fresh start. That You are so interested in my little world is humbling, and yet it's so wonderfully sweet. Each day I am grateful for Your love, and for being one of Your children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Showing posts with label conviction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conviction. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Part Three- His Deliverance (told by him)
*** For the full story, don't miss Part One and Two, posted the last two days! And don't miss tomorrow either :)
God wasn't finished with dealing with me, thankfully. I left that restaurant and went to my sister's home, where I was staying. I slept all of about two hours that night, just wrestling with lies from Satan, and truth that God was putting right in front of me. That night was a night full of emotional torment and exhaustion.
I got out of bed on Saturday morning to do a few things, and it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I determined that I would reach out to Ruth and just let her know how sorry I was, and how her blog had touched me. I have never, since I was saved, felt such a conflict in my soul. Satan was fighting hard to keep me down, but God was telling me it could all be mended.
I wanted to reach out to my wife, not only to apologize, but to tell how how shameful and real it was, to see in writing the awful pain I had caused, and how ashamed and sorrowful I felt in wrecking her life. Satan wanted me to keep believing this was all normal and okay- so many dealt with this all the time. He kept reminding me that I had ruined her, my family, my own life, and was beyond any usefulness.
I finally got the courage to text her, and to my amazement, she responded. I told her what was happening, and what had been on my heart, and her response was that she would pray, and she would have others join her in praying for me. I could feel the power of God moving that day in such a real way. I texted her back at one point and told her I felt much like the man lying in the ditch left for dead (Luke 10). She sent me back words that were like medicine for my wounds. Ruth displayed the true character of Christ. Here she was, helping the very one who had wronged her, and hurt her so deeply.
The awful thoughts of guilt and pain Satan wanted me to focus on were eventually overcome by the wonderful fact that my God has chosen not to remember the sins of the past, and he has already covered the future with the blood of His Son. I got so wrapped up in what was happening that afternoon in my heart, that I literally forgot one of the major jobs I was supposed to complete that day. If the people had known what was going on, I am sure they would understand.
I want to encourage any who may see someone in need- whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically, to step in. We have so much to offer the hurting when we can tell them of One Who loves, cares and heals. No matter how close to impossible it may seem, God is always able! There is no situation too big for Him to handle. Yes, Satan will offer alternative ways to handle our problems and they will always lead to ruin, pain, and despair. Listen closely for a Voice Who calls you to hope, to peace and to life everlasting! In Jesus alone, we find rest from our struggles, and light from the darkness of sin. And if God allows you to see someone struggling, faithfully answer the call!
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:4 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your mercy, grace and kindness shown to us. Lord, we don't deserve Your perfect love, and yet You lavish it on us anyways. Thank You for rescuing me from the pit of despair, and placing my feet on solid ground. Help us, Lord, to rescue others we see in need and not to turn our backs on them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
God wasn't finished with dealing with me, thankfully. I left that restaurant and went to my sister's home, where I was staying. I slept all of about two hours that night, just wrestling with lies from Satan, and truth that God was putting right in front of me. That night was a night full of emotional torment and exhaustion.
I got out of bed on Saturday morning to do a few things, and it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I determined that I would reach out to Ruth and just let her know how sorry I was, and how her blog had touched me. I have never, since I was saved, felt such a conflict in my soul. Satan was fighting hard to keep me down, but God was telling me it could all be mended.
I wanted to reach out to my wife, not only to apologize, but to tell how how shameful and real it was, to see in writing the awful pain I had caused, and how ashamed and sorrowful I felt in wrecking her life. Satan wanted me to keep believing this was all normal and okay- so many dealt with this all the time. He kept reminding me that I had ruined her, my family, my own life, and was beyond any usefulness.
I finally got the courage to text her, and to my amazement, she responded. I told her what was happening, and what had been on my heart, and her response was that she would pray, and she would have others join her in praying for me. I could feel the power of God moving that day in such a real way. I texted her back at one point and told her I felt much like the man lying in the ditch left for dead (Luke 10). She sent me back words that were like medicine for my wounds. Ruth displayed the true character of Christ. Here she was, helping the very one who had wronged her, and hurt her so deeply.
The awful thoughts of guilt and pain Satan wanted me to focus on were eventually overcome by the wonderful fact that my God has chosen not to remember the sins of the past, and he has already covered the future with the blood of His Son. I got so wrapped up in what was happening that afternoon in my heart, that I literally forgot one of the major jobs I was supposed to complete that day. If the people had known what was going on, I am sure they would understand.
I want to encourage any who may see someone in need- whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically, to step in. We have so much to offer the hurting when we can tell them of One Who loves, cares and heals. No matter how close to impossible it may seem, God is always able! There is no situation too big for Him to handle. Yes, Satan will offer alternative ways to handle our problems and they will always lead to ruin, pain, and despair. Listen closely for a Voice Who calls you to hope, to peace and to life everlasting! In Jesus alone, we find rest from our struggles, and light from the darkness of sin. And if God allows you to see someone struggling, faithfully answer the call!
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:4 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your mercy, grace and kindness shown to us. Lord, we don't deserve Your perfect love, and yet You lavish it on us anyways. Thank You for rescuing me from the pit of despair, and placing my feet on solid ground. Help us, Lord, to rescue others we see in need and not to turn our backs on them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Part Two- His Deliverance (told by him)
** Please read Part One if you find this post and have not been following. My entire story will be told over the course of a few days.
After returning from my New Year's trip and breaking things off with the other woman, I needed some of my things from our house. I knew Ruth would be at church Wednesday night, so I asked if it would be okay if I came by and grabbed a few of my things. I knew it would be easier on everyone if I went when they were not home.
What I saw when I got to the house rocked my world pretty hard. My side of the closet had been totally cleaned out and my clothes had been packed in boxes and stored under my desk in the front office. Ruth had left me a pretty challenging note that began to eat at me. I responded with some pretty selfish and stupid words and actions that I hoped would hurt them back. I was fighting against the idea that God could win this battle.
By Friday, January 4th, the conflict had grown. I was leaving work and I wanted to reach out to my wife but I was very hesitant. I knew she still shared her location with me, so I could see that she was out eating with a friend very close to where I was. I missed her, and was already feeling the touch of God in my heart about how I had treated her and my kids.
I was sitting alone at a nearby restaurant and God clearly directed me to look and see what, if anything, she had posted about this on social media. I was caught totally off guard. I had not been on Twitter in months and I found her page and began to read a blog that she had created about spouses that had been betrayed by infidelity. I was so angry with what I was reading and could not believe she would put this out there for anyone to read. In that moment, God struck me right in the heart and He said to me, "why are you angry? This is what you have caused."
I was sitting in that restaurant all alone with tears running down my face as I read several of her blogs back to back. I went from complete anger to total shame and a real sense of guilt for what I had done. How could someone, especially one who proclaims to be a Christian, have left a beautiful woman and two awesome kids with such pain and with such terrible feelings? While I didn't want to answer, I knew how- the lust of the flesh. My selfish motives had blinded me, and driven me to fulfill them and abandon the ones I loved. I had fallen and I had devastated and wrecked the one most precious thing in my life- my family.
Isn't it amazing how God used what my wife was fearful to share, to point me to Him? He knew what it would take for me to fully see the consequences of my sin, and He led her to write exactly what was needed in order to rescue me. That's God- He works in ways that at times, astound me! I am so thankful He gave her the gift of writing this blog, created to help others, but was also the source that led me straight into the arms of my Savior, and ultimately, home! Our prayer is that you may know this same God- One so interested in you! Oh, how He loves us!
For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 ESV
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. Romans 8:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Spirit Who convicts us of our sin and calls us into Your presence. We will never find true joy, peace and contentment outside of Your will. Forgive me, Father, for the many times I seek pleasure from my sinful desires, forgetting how only You can fill me, Lord. Help me to guard myself against Satan by arming myself with Your Word. Keep my feet on the path that leads to life, and may I always turn from wandering from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
After returning from my New Year's trip and breaking things off with the other woman, I needed some of my things from our house. I knew Ruth would be at church Wednesday night, so I asked if it would be okay if I came by and grabbed a few of my things. I knew it would be easier on everyone if I went when they were not home.
What I saw when I got to the house rocked my world pretty hard. My side of the closet had been totally cleaned out and my clothes had been packed in boxes and stored under my desk in the front office. Ruth had left me a pretty challenging note that began to eat at me. I responded with some pretty selfish and stupid words and actions that I hoped would hurt them back. I was fighting against the idea that God could win this battle.
By Friday, January 4th, the conflict had grown. I was leaving work and I wanted to reach out to my wife but I was very hesitant. I knew she still shared her location with me, so I could see that she was out eating with a friend very close to where I was. I missed her, and was already feeling the touch of God in my heart about how I had treated her and my kids.
I was sitting alone at a nearby restaurant and God clearly directed me to look and see what, if anything, she had posted about this on social media. I was caught totally off guard. I had not been on Twitter in months and I found her page and began to read a blog that she had created about spouses that had been betrayed by infidelity. I was so angry with what I was reading and could not believe she would put this out there for anyone to read. In that moment, God struck me right in the heart and He said to me, "why are you angry? This is what you have caused."
I was sitting in that restaurant all alone with tears running down my face as I read several of her blogs back to back. I went from complete anger to total shame and a real sense of guilt for what I had done. How could someone, especially one who proclaims to be a Christian, have left a beautiful woman and two awesome kids with such pain and with such terrible feelings? While I didn't want to answer, I knew how- the lust of the flesh. My selfish motives had blinded me, and driven me to fulfill them and abandon the ones I loved. I had fallen and I had devastated and wrecked the one most precious thing in my life- my family.
Isn't it amazing how God used what my wife was fearful to share, to point me to Him? He knew what it would take for me to fully see the consequences of my sin, and He led her to write exactly what was needed in order to rescue me. That's God- He works in ways that at times, astound me! I am so thankful He gave her the gift of writing this blog, created to help others, but was also the source that led me straight into the arms of my Savior, and ultimately, home! Our prayer is that you may know this same God- One so interested in you! Oh, how He loves us!
For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 ESV
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. Romans 8:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Spirit Who convicts us of our sin and calls us into Your presence. We will never find true joy, peace and contentment outside of Your will. Forgive me, Father, for the many times I seek pleasure from my sinful desires, forgetting how only You can fill me, Lord. Help me to guard myself against Satan by arming myself with Your Word. Keep my feet on the path that leads to life, and may I always turn from wandering from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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