I wasn't always so understanding of other people's problems. In fact, I would've been quick to notice it and shake my head in bewilderment. Troubled teens? You probably didn't discipline them enough. Isn't it true that many times the most judgmental people about your parenting, often don't even have children? A bad marriage? Date nights, looking your best, and having fun together should take care of the problem. How ridiculous and naive I was about that one- I never saw it coming until the day it happened to me.
The least compassionate people you know likely have suffered very little in their lives. Some people seem to cruise through life with very few serious knock-downs. I'm not one of those people, and in many ways, I am thankful. When my life was characterized by what appeared to be God's favor over me, I was shallow, judgmental and cynical at best. And when my life plunged into various painful trials, God's favor wasn't removed- He was simply taking my heart of stone, and making it soft and pliable.
There won't come a day when I hear of someone miscarrying a baby, that I won't hurt for them. Having been there twice, I can offer understanding sympathy. When I was stuck in a period of infertility, it was truly a painful, frightening place to be. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, and the thought that it may never happen was deeply discouraging. I am so blessed that God gave me my son and daughter, and because of those previous losses, I appreciate my kids on a different level. I'm grateful for opportunities I've been given to show compassion and understanding for those suffering similar losses. This was one area of my heart being softened, but God wasn't finished with me yet.
The biggest example of heart softening in my life thus far, has been in my marriage. I see it in so many- and I used to be one of them. It won't ever happen to us, I would say. I was naive and clueless when it comes to the workings of Satan. If you're married, don't ever doubt it could happen to you, but do make your commitment a very serious point of consideration. Marriage takes work, and just as any goal we have, in order for us to see it through, we will have to put in the effort on both sides. I assumed we would always be okay and that, dear friend, was a dangerous assumption.
Our marriage fell apart in the fall of 2017. And because it did, I've been given a platform- my writing, even this blog, is all part of that. God has given me a unique opportunity to share my journey through infidelity to reach others. In the process, He has softened my heart to not only broken marriages, but broken hearts in general. We have a choice when we face painful valleys- become cynical and unhappy, or allow God to use us to reflect His Son through our brokenness. If we choose the latter, we will live life with a greater compassion for the hurting and lost.
If you've been called to suffer trials that have left you wounded and sad, I pray that you'll allow God to use them for good. My hope for you is that you'll reach out to others who understand your pain and show them the healing power of our Savior. While God doesn't relish in your pain, He can use it to soften you and give you a more compassionate heart. Ask God to place people in your path that need you, and when they come along, show them an understanding, compassionate heart- you have great power to assist others in healing from what almost broke you, had it not been for Jesus. Not everyone is able to help them, but God in His wisdom and love prepared you for this day and this person- don't miss it!
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12 (ESV)
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 (ESV)
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 (ESV)
If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:3 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, don't let us miss out on using our own life experiences to show a compassionate and understanding heart to those who need us. We learned compassion from You, and we desire to imitate Your ways in our lives. Thank You for the trials that softened our hearts to the pain of others. In Your name, we pray, Amen!
What a journey this has been, blogging our story. What blows me away is when it all began, it was so different than where we ended up. I started this journey with a broken heart and little hope at restoration, and look what God did! It's our miracle story, and one I will always be grateful for and humbled by. We made friends along the way- you know who you are. So many of you wrote words of support, love and encouragement. For those who did, you'll never know how much that meant to me. For those who liked and shared and commented- thank you! You guys were the ones that kept me going when I didn't always feel like it!
While it may seem our story has come to an end, in reality- it's just starting, and we feel so blessed. I am not leaving my blog site or website, but our posts will now only be once a week. I will share old posts on occasion to reach new readers who may be freshly beginning their infidelity journey. Occasionally, I will blog more about our life as we go, but I will primarily share relationship posts and updates on my devotional book release expected later this year. Many of you encouraged me to seek publishing, and because of your support, my dream is becoming a reality. Thank you so much for that; we can't wait to see what God has for us through writing and sharing our story with others.
To my parents- your support in my writing has been such a blessing to me. You each read daily, comment, and personally encouraged me each time I saw you! I love you both so much, and I'm so grateful for your help and support. To those who emailed me regarding your own marriage battle, don't think for a minute that we will stop praying for you! You are the reason we wrote each day, and we are so thankful you are sharing your story with us. To my kids- thank you for allowing yourselves to be interjected into my posts. You guys are my rock stars, and have been by my side each step of the way! To those who pray for us- you have no idea how much that means to us! Without God's intervention, my life story would be very different today. To my little brother who shares my Twitter post EVERY SINGLE DAY, thanks, D:) To my sister and her husband- your therapy dinners out with us are some of our most favorite times. To my sister-in-law- you were seriously such a lifeline to me and I'll treasure you always! To my family and friends who fought this battle with us each day- I love you from the bottom of my heart.
And then there is my husband. You always had my heart, no matter what. My eyes tear up thinking of what we have come through, but in the end- you chose me all over again. I'm honored to share life with you, and I'll always be your biggest fan. You are the reason for the sparkle in my eyes, and the light in my smile. Thank you for loving me, for all you do for me, and for allowing God to change your heart. I believe with everything in me that our best years are ahead of us, and I can't wait to see the blessings God has for us. I love you forever and always!
Last, but most precious, is the love and faithfulness of my Jesus. I love this name, for it was Jesus Who experienced life in this world, yet never sinned. He never hurt anyone, He never turned His back on anyone- He was human, yet perfect and holy. And what a precious name He was given- One Who would save His people from their sins, and I'm so thankful that included me. Without His hand in my life, I would be lost, empty and hopeless. His care for me is such a wonderful gift, and He cared so much for my marriage, that He reached down and rescued it. Jesus, I will forever love You, and look forward to serving You for all eternity. Thank You, Lord, for Your grace, mercy and love, and for giving me more than I could ever ask or imagine.
Thank you all again for sharing by reading- and the many other ways you showed you cared. May each of you experience God's best in your lives, and may you truly know Him and live to serve Him. Putting Him first will always be the wisest choice and will lead you to His best ever story for you. My heart is touched by all of you- some known to me, and some I don't know. Please share our website with any who may need it- theselightafflictions.com. You're always welcome to contact us through FB or email- roomcdonald@bellsouth.net. God bless you all!
Love, Ruth
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11a ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for each reader and their support and encouragement. I pray that our story helps others who are hurting and struggling through their own story of infidelity. Open doors You want us to walk through and lead us away from closed doors- and give us the faith and wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
*** For the full story, don't miss Part One and Two, posted the last two days! And don't miss tomorrow either :)
God wasn't finished with dealing with me, thankfully. I left that restaurant and went to my sister's home, where I was staying. I slept all of about two hours that night, just wrestling with lies from Satan, and truth that God was putting right in front of me. That night was a night full of emotional torment and exhaustion.
I got out of bed on Saturday morning to do a few things, and it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I determined that I would reach out to Ruth and just let her know how sorry I was, and how her blog had touched me. I have never, since I was saved, felt such a conflict in my soul. Satan was fighting hard to keep me down, but God was telling me it could all be mended.
I wanted to reach out to my wife, not only to apologize, but to tell how how shameful and real it was, to see in writing the awful pain I had caused, and how ashamed and sorrowful I felt in wrecking her life. Satan wanted me to keep believing this was all normal and okay- so many dealt with this all the time. He kept reminding me that I had ruined her, my family, my own life, and was beyond any usefulness.
I finally got the courage to text her, and to my amazement, she responded. I told her what was happening, and what had been on my heart, and her response was that she would pray, and she would have others join her in praying for me. I could feel the power of God moving that day in such a real way. I texted her back at one point and told her I felt much like the man lying in the ditch left for dead (Luke 10). She sent me back words that were like medicine for my wounds. Ruth displayed the true character of Christ. Here she was, helping the very one who had wronged her, and hurt her so deeply.
The awful thoughts of guilt and pain Satan wanted me to focus on were eventually overcome by the wonderful fact that my God has chosen not to remember the sins of the past, and he has already covered the future with the blood of His Son. I got so wrapped up in what was happening that afternoon in my heart, that I literally forgot one of the major jobs I was supposed to complete that day. If the people had known what was going on, I am sure they would understand.
I want to encourage any who may see someone in need- whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically, to step in. We have so much to offer the hurting when we can tell them of One Who loves, cares and heals. No matter how close to impossible it may seem, God is always able! There is no situation too big for Him to handle. Yes, Satan will offer alternative ways to handle our problems and they will always lead to ruin, pain, and despair. Listen closely for a Voice Who calls you to hope, to peace and to life everlasting! In Jesus alone, we find rest from our struggles, and light from the darkness of sin. And if God allows you to see someone struggling, faithfully answer the call!
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:4 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your mercy, grace and kindness shown to us. Lord, we don't deserve Your perfect love, and yet You lavish it on us anyways. Thank You for rescuing me from the pit of despair, and placing my feet on solid ground. Help us, Lord, to rescue others we see in need and not to turn our backs on them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
** Please read Part One if you find this post and have not been following. My entire story will be told over the course of a few days.
After returning from my New Year's trip and breaking things off with the other woman, I needed some of my things from our house. I knew Ruth would be at church Wednesday night, so I asked if it would be okay if I came by and grabbed a few of my things. I knew it would be easier on everyone if I went when they were not home.
What I saw when I got to the house rocked my world pretty hard. My side of the closet had been totally cleaned out and my clothes had been packed in boxes and stored under my desk in the front office. Ruth had left me a pretty challenging note that began to eat at me. I responded with some pretty selfish and stupid words and actions that I hoped would hurt them back. I was fighting against the idea that God could win this battle.
By Friday, January 4th, the conflict had grown. I was leaving work and I wanted to reach out to my wife but I was very hesitant. I knew she still shared her location with me, so I could see that she was out eating with a friend very close to where I was. I missed her, and was already feeling the touch of God in my heart about how I had treated her and my kids.
I was sitting alone at a nearby restaurant and God clearly directed me to look and see what, if anything, she had posted about this on social media. I was caught totally off guard. I had not been on Twitter in months and I found her page and began to read a blog that she had created about spouses that had been betrayed by infidelity. I was so angry with what I was reading and could not believe she would put this out there for anyone to read. In that moment, God struck me right in the heart and He said to me, "why are you angry? This is what you have caused."
I was sitting in that restaurant all alone with tears running down my face as I read several of her blogs back to back. I went from complete anger to total shame and a real sense of guilt for what I had done. How could someone, especially one who proclaims to be a Christian, have left a beautiful woman and two awesome kids with such pain and with such terrible feelings? While I didn't want to answer, I knew how- the lust of the flesh. My selfish motives had blinded me, and driven me to fulfill them and abandon the ones I loved. I had fallen and I had devastated and wrecked the one most precious thing in my life- my family.
Isn't it amazing how God used what my wife was fearful to share, to point me to Him? He knew what it would take for me to fully see the consequences of my sin, and He led her to write exactly what was needed in order to rescue me. That's God- He works in ways that at times, astound me! I am so thankful He gave her the gift of writing this blog, created to help others, but was also the source that led me straight into the arms of my Savior, and ultimately, home! Our prayer is that you may know this same God- One so interested in you! Oh, how He loves us!
For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 ESV
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. Romans 8:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Spirit Who convicts us of our sin and calls us into Your presence. We will never find true joy, peace and contentment outside of Your will. Forgive me, Father, for the many times I seek pleasure from my sinful desires, forgetting how only You can fill me, Lord. Help me to guard myself against Satan by arming myself with Your Word. Keep my feet on the path that leads to life, and may I always turn from wandering from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I'm a private person. I don't really like people to know personal things about me- especially bad things. And to be honest, for close to a year, I stayed quiet as much as possible about our marriage crisis. Infidelity is humbling and embarrassing- not something you want to just chat about with random people. Often, I didn't even want to talk about it with the people I loved the most. It's messy and complicated and full of heartache, so it is safer to hush up.
Last summer, I felt a stirring inside me about using our story to reach others and hopefully use it for good. Each time I thought about it, I quickly brushed the idea aside to write a blog. At the time, I began writing a book. This book is a 6 week daily devotion for betrayed spouses. I had visions of one day seeking publishing for it, but I honestly didn't know if I would ever pursue publishing. This book is personal to me, and I wasn't ready to share even though I felt God preparing me to open up through writing. Today, that book is in editing for publishing and I feel overwhelmed at God's blessing.
I have always enjoyed writing, but until it came from my heart, I struggled to connect thoughts to paper. Infidelity is something people don't talk about, but a reality for so many. In my circles I rarely hear about it which made me feel pretty lonely in my journey through it. The thing is this- I know it's happening, and I know it's a real issue, yet when people don't talk about it, there is little help to gain from others that understand. Yes- parts of the story are too personal and not beneficial to share, but keeping quiet was becoming a burden, and God was nudging me to have the courage to publicly share my story.
The biggest drawback for me was fear- fear of what my husband would think or say. We were not together when I started this blog initially, and I knew he would be upset with me if he found it (and I knew he would, in time). Right before he left in late December, I wrote my first blog entry and it sat on my computer for a few days. I was literally terrified when I thought of hitting "publish". And each day, God spoke to me asking me to do what I was afraid to do. I didn't understand what He planned to do with it at the time, but on this side of the story, I am blown away (and when you read more of my blog, you will be too;). If fear is holding you back from doing something God has called you to do, I want to urge you to have the courage to listen to His voice. If He is speaking and you're sure it's Him, He has a purpose in what He is asking of you. Let go of the fear, and simply trust Him. And when you see what He has planned, just like me- you'll be blown away!
Whoever is of God hears the words of God. John 8:47a ESV
And he said to them, "Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. Mark 4:24 ESV
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I will wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes fear holds me back from listening to Your voice. Help me let go of my fear and simply follow You wherever You would have me to go, or whatever You call me to do. I thank You for loving me and for investing in my little world and for speaking to me. May I have an attentive ear to Your voice always, Lord. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
