Let me introduce you to the "high school me". I'll grow up and travel the world. I'll be a travel agent and marry later, after I get my business established. I'll be a mom- 3 or 4 kids. I'll be successful, forever thin, and live a happy, carefree life. I'll find time to spend with God, and manage to make an impact on other's lives. I'll stay healthy. I'll marry a perfect guy. Blah, blah, blah- how unrealistic I was.
Goals are good, and I encourage them in others- specifically my children and myself. But while it's true that goals are good, and having a future vision important, it's also true that things often don't go as we planned. I'm living proof of this statement, because I'll now introduce you to "grown up me". I did graduate with a bachelor's degree- in social work/sociology. I am not a travel agent, but I sure like to travel. I am blessed to have two children after the loss of two pregnancies. I didn't foresee those losses, and they sure were painful. I am usually in need of losing ten pounds- sometimes more. There have been times when I didn't feel close to God, usually because I allowed too much extra stuff to crowd Him out. And I did marry a great guy- he's perfect for me, but we've had our struggles. One of the biggest unplanned life events we faced together, was infidelity. That wasn't supposed to be on my agenda- but it was.
The truth is, we usually have detours- life experiences that we never expected to be a part of our story. We wouldn't ever choose these painful parts of our story, but oftentimes, we need them. I know I do. Had I lived that high school version of myself, I wouldn't be where I am today! I wouldn't have experienced God's love, grace and mercy to the extend that I have, and frankly, that would be a loss. Losing pregnancies made me appreciate my children. Losing my husband, made me appreciate a restored marriage. Losing weight would also be cool, but hey, you can't have it all;)
How we handle our detours is crucial in our spiritual walk with our Father. We may not have planned those detours, but He knew they would be a part of our journey. He equips us to handle them. He gives us what He can handle, not what we can handle on our own. We are supposed to learn things from our trials. We are supposed to grow. We should learn more about who He is. And our goal should be to become more like Jesus- humble, compassionate, loving, forgiving and kind. Sometimes we may become shocked and alarmed at the way our story goes, and struggle to understand the "why". When we stay locked in that place, we won't experience the growth God wants for us through those bends in the road. We won't know Him better, and we won't be more like Him.
If you're walking through a detour right now, wondering why, try to shift your focus. Instead, think of ways God will use this detour to point others to Him. Allow His strength to be witnessed in your own walk, so that others may desire to know the Source of that strength. Don't allow Satan to trip you up, blaming God for your hardships. While God doesn't relish the pain you're experiencing, He does want to use it for His glory. Life often doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. But when it doesn't, our response to the detour has great power. May God help us to illuminate His light through the dark bends in the road, and that others may want to know Him, through our own walk through the valley.
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit."- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:13-14 (ESV)
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:3-4 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to allow You to handle the bumps in the road that feel too big for me. May I not become full of anxiety, wishing to quickly make it to safer ground, without really experiencing how You work in those detours. Help me to trust You when my world takes a painful spin, and to know You will bring me through. Help me be a living witness of what You have done for me. In Your name I pray, Jesus, Amen!
Driving down the road today, I saw a billboard that spoke to me. Not really for what it was intended for, but it stood out all the same. I was driving to Hobby Lobby, (because who doesn't just love that store?), when I saw a sign urging us to have an emergency plan in place. The sign simply said : Don't wait. Communicate! Make your emergency plan. The sign featured a home in ruins, likely from storm or fire damage. It's a very practical call to speak with our families about safety plans before disaster strikes. What a great reminder, and one we should follow. I found this sign to be important and relevant- but my mind went to storms that are not as physical in nature.
American families today are the busiest they've ever been. Our kids play sports. Travel teams are all the rage- we want them to have the best training, but there is a cost. They dance. They play piano. We run them to gymnastics. There are countless school events we must attend. Social media wars for our attention. Many families have both parents working- building our careers demands time. Church responsibilities are important, and we try to attend each service or event. Dinner tables, with all family members present, are few and far between. We shove a million little things into each day, then collapse at the end; exhausted and disconnected from the most important things- our marriages, our families, and God. We simply don't have time anymore, and it's a heartbreaking trend.
People have asked me, "Ruth, what led to the breakdown of your marriage? What went wrong?" One of the most painful and surprising answers is this- we simply were too busy to properly communicate. This causes a disconnect that is easy to miss at first, but becomes increasingly dangerous over time. Can I urge you, dear friends and readers- invest in your families, invest in your children, but never at the expense of your marriage. It is vital to allow open spaces of time to just enjoy the company of your spouse. This is impossible if you cram your day full of activity.
If you're like the average American, you're likely swamped. You don't really have the time to enjoy with your spouse, the way you should. It sounds nice, but where can you squeeze that into your already full schedule? If there is one lesson my husband and I have learned in this phase of a restored marriage, it's learning to say no. We don't have to do everything. We don't need to be everywhere, at everything. Our kids don't have to do all the things. But what we do need, is to preserve "us". If we allow our communication to suffer, our marriage will suffer. So today, make an emergency plan. You don't want to be like that picture of a house destroyed. Today, in this moment, take every step possible to communicate regularly with your spouse and your children. Satan wishes to begin the process of destruction in our marriages- in fact, he may have already started with yours. What will you do about it? Don't turn a blind eye, and refuse to acknowledge the war against us. Say no. Stay home. Sit down together and just talk. Say, "I love you". Touch one another. Tear down the walls that you've built up from over-committing. It's war- one you can win, with God's help, and a simple plan to be available and engaged in one another's lives.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 ESV
Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist. Proverbs 23:4 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for allowing so much into our lives, that we are putting our marriages, family and our relationship with You, in jeopardy. Equip us with the will to say "no", and invest in what really matters. Thank You, Father, for giving us our families, but give us wisdom in what we allow in them. It's so easy to fall into the trap Satan has laid out for our relationships, and find ourselves empty, dissatisfied and disconnected. Open our eyes, Lord, and may we really see the cost of our choices. In Your precious name we pray, Amen!
The more time we spent together, the more we knew things were not only different this time, but right. We were living separately, and we wanted that to change soon. Evening and weekend dates were great, but as a married couple wanting to re-commit and spend forever together, it just wasn't enough. Every time he drove away from our driveway after dropping me off, my heart felt sad and incomplete. And so we began to make some plans.
Our biggest issue wasn't even about us, but for those who had to "catch up" with our own feelings- namely, our kids and relatives. While we were ready to move forward, we understood it could be a challenge for those closely connected to us. This was a topic we discussed at length in our counseling sessions, yet as adults, we were encouraged to do what was right for our marriage, and in time, others would see what we knew in our own hearts. By spending time with others in our new start together, they would be able to see the changes in us, and in my husband.
We wanted to start fresh- new vows, new rings and a new "us". We chose a date for my husband to return home, and we chose a date for renewing our vows. We went to Jared's (because if you don't go there, they can't say "he went to Jared's";) and picked out new rings. We made plans for what we wanted our vow ceremony to look like, and who we wanted to attend. We planned a second honeymoon and we started to get pretty excited for what was ahead.
As I've said so many times, our fresh start wouldn't have been possible without the unmistakeable hand of God. He moved in ways that to this day, amaze and humble me. He uses people we may never expect Him to. He uses abilities we didn't know we had. He uses music. He uses conviction of our spirit. He is truly all-powerful and as scripture tells us, there is nothing too hard for Him. It is humbling to know that this Almighty God would care for our marriage and our lives. Who am I, that God should care? His ways are beyond my thinking, and His goodness exceeds my understanding. No matter what is happening in your own life, be assured that He is interested- He is watching, listening and working. There is such an enormous amount of comfort in knowing that the very One that holds the world in His hands, holds me- and He holds you, too! Don't ever lose sight of this One we serve, and how deeply He cares for us!
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world," John 16:33 ESV
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for caring about me and for my marriage. Your power is more than I can understand, and apart from it, my marriage would've never had a chance for a fresh start. That You are so interested in my little world is humbling, and yet it's so wonderfully sweet. Each day I am grateful for Your love, and for being one of Your children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
When life borders on the miserable side, it's helpful to back up, and make a mental note of what I am grateful for. As a human, I tend to dwell on the negative issues I am facing, and fail to appreciate the positives. As Christians, we are encouraged to embrace our trials, recognizing their ability to draw us closer to Christ, but my flesh often gets in the way.
My brain was saturated with my situation, and what the outcome would be. I worried about my husband, I struggled with insecurities, I feared the future, I wondered about finances, I felt for my children, and I wished for a different life journey. I felt anger at times, and frustration at other times. I longed for the second coming of Christ in a new way- a way to escape this mess. I cried often, I prayed fervently, I hoped and pleaded. This was my way of life for longer than I wished. Living in this state is not experiencing the joy the Lord offers us- a joy that is not dependent on our circumstances.
If you are walking in the more difficult areas of your life story, join me in looking for the many blessings we have, despite the heartache and pain. I have so many blessings, and I don't want to miss them, even amidst hard times. I don't want to live a life lacking thankfulness for the good things I am given, because I am too focused on the harder things.
When I step back, and look at my whole life picture, the painful parts of my story are much shorter than the joyful moments. Yes, the painful parts will forever change me, and I pray they change me for the better. I know that God will use those experiences to allow me opportunities to reach in and help others, that will walk similar roads. And honestly, that is also a blessing.
We will all feel heartaches and disappointments in life, from time to time. But if we can, in those moments, look to the One Who has blessed us in other areas, we can take a little breath and thank our Heavenly Father for the things we are able to enjoy. It doesn't make the pain go away, and it often doesn't change our circumstances- but it can change our perspective! I want a perspective that focuses on the good things He has given me, and the promises He has made. I can remind myself of the truth found in Jeremiah 29:11- He has GOOD plans for me!
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, Psalm 103:2 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, Ephesians 1:3 ESV
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, when my days are hard and painful, help me to look for the good You have given me. Focusing on the heartache and pain is exhausting and steals my energy and joy. Help me literally count my blessings, and remember to thank You for them. You have been so good to me, and I am thankful. Give me a grateful heart, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
