When adultery assaults a marriage, the marriage is broken. Vows made before God were not kept, and while still married, that marriage is in ruin. Hearts are shattered, promises broken, and lives are changed. Looking behind us, we saw it all, and somehow survived it by God's grace. There were days I was sure I wouldn't pull through, and longed to run far away (seriously, I did..the tropics were calling me, but my kids needed me more). But here we were- products of God's amazing grace. This called for a celebration- one where we made new promises before God, our closest family, and our wonderful kids.
The morning of February 9th arrived- cold and sunny. A day much anticipated, and full of hope! We stood in front of one another speaking new vows- ones we had written ourselves and made fresh promises. While we had made promises 25 years earlier, these promises came with a lot more living under our belts, and a better grasp of what we were saying and Who had brought us through our toughest battle.
Tears were shed, new rings were exchanged, and hugs and kisses were shared. We felt pure joy at what God has given us- a fresh focus on our gift in one another! Sharing this moment with our children and family members was so special. Each one of them had shared in our battle, and had prayed and loved us through it. It was fitting to have each of them there for this special occasion.
I used to find it amusing that so many people renew their vows after years pass. For me, ours were never broken and didn't need a re-do. But when an affair presented in our marriage, renewing our vows was important and gave closure to what we had experienced. Marriage is a blessing, and there is nothing like sharing life with your spouse. Ups and downs, highs and lows- always knowing someone is beside you, there for you, and supporting you. What Satan meant to steal from us, God saw fit to restore. While adultery is a real issue in today's marriages, the same God Who reached in and saved ours is available to all who simply come to Him. No matter if your problem is marriage related or personal- He's there, and I know He is dear friend, because in the darkest of times, He's revealed Himself to me in ways that amaze me.
I'm including some of the words to a song that I played often during the past year:
I know the night won't last
Your word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus, You're still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again.
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I'm still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet
I've seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I'll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I'll see You do it again. - Elevation Worship "Do it Again"
And guess what? He did :)
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness to us- for moving mountains! While the night is behind us, we know life will present new challenges and we pray that each day, we rely on Your strength to see us through. Thank You for making a way when there was no way! You have never failed us yet, and we know You never will. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
The more time we spent together, the more we knew things were not only different this time, but right. We were living separately, and we wanted that to change soon. Evening and weekend dates were great, but as a married couple wanting to re-commit and spend forever together, it just wasn't enough. Every time he drove away from our driveway after dropping me off, my heart felt sad and incomplete. And so we began to make some plans.
Our biggest issue wasn't even about us, but for those who had to "catch up" with our own feelings- namely, our kids and relatives. While we were ready to move forward, we understood it could be a challenge for those closely connected to us. This was a topic we discussed at length in our counseling sessions, yet as adults, we were encouraged to do what was right for our marriage, and in time, others would see what we knew in our own hearts. By spending time with others in our new start together, they would be able to see the changes in us, and in my husband.
We wanted to start fresh- new vows, new rings and a new "us". We chose a date for my husband to return home, and we chose a date for renewing our vows. We went to Jared's (because if you don't go there, they can't say "he went to Jared's";) and picked out new rings. We made plans for what we wanted our vow ceremony to look like, and who we wanted to attend. We planned a second honeymoon and we started to get pretty excited for what was ahead.
As I've said so many times, our fresh start wouldn't have been possible without the unmistakeable hand of God. He moved in ways that to this day, amaze and humble me. He uses people we may never expect Him to. He uses abilities we didn't know we had. He uses music. He uses conviction of our spirit. He is truly all-powerful and as scripture tells us, there is nothing too hard for Him. It is humbling to know that this Almighty God would care for our marriage and our lives. Who am I, that God should care? His ways are beyond my thinking, and His goodness exceeds my understanding. No matter what is happening in your own life, be assured that He is interested- He is watching, listening and working. There is such an enormous amount of comfort in knowing that the very One that holds the world in His hands, holds me- and He holds you, too! Don't ever lose sight of this One we serve, and how deeply He cares for us!
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world," John 16:33 ESV
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for caring about me and for my marriage. Your power is more than I can understand, and apart from it, my marriage would've never had a chance for a fresh start. That You are so interested in my little world is humbling, and yet it's so wonderfully sweet. Each day I am grateful for Your love, and for being one of Your children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
What were the things that initially drew you to your spouse? For me, it was his confidence, fun personality, beautiful blue eyes, interest in spiritual things, and a persistence in pursuing me. I never thought he would be who I would marry, because for years, he was just my younger brother's best friend. I knew he liked me, but it wasn't until college that I discovered I liked him back.
We spent many happy years together, as a married couple. I loved how he made me feel secure, protected, and loved. I enjoyed spending time with him. We traveled, had dinner dates, and enjoyed sexual intimacy. We raised kids, worked to build a family and home, and poured ourselves into our church. This man was my person, and I loved him! I never imagined things would change the way they did. I took for granted our marriage, and our commitment to it.
An affair changes things. It takes a solid foundation, and puts a huge crack in it. Where do we go from here? A new possibility entered- a future apart from one another. Would there be a chance for us to work things out? Was it possible for us to restore our marriage? Did we want to? These were tough questions that I wrestled with daily.
Apart from grace that only God can give, the answer would have been no. Apart from forgiveness patterned after Jesus, and how He forgives, it would be impossible. Apart from a willingness on his side to surrender himself to God and His will, it wouldn't happen. But the bottom line is- I remembered what was. I remembered his role in my life, and how important it was. I remembered my vows- and what they meant. I remembered how God sees marriage. And I remembered our love, before things fell apart.
Not everyone can open themselves up to restoring a marriage, but I do believe if given the opportunity, and with God guiding, it is what was right for me. I didn't want him back for the security of finances; I didn't want him back for what he had to offer me. I simply was willing to take him back because I loved him still, and wanted to honor my Heavenly Father by loving like He does- without limits. Would my husband give me that chance? Well, I will share that with you another day;)
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 ESV
Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22 ESV
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Isaiah 43:18 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, we all are so thankful for the many opportunities You give us after we disappoint You with sin. I thank You for Your grace and forgiveness, offered so generously towards me. Lord, help me to offer it to those I love when I have been wronged. Help me to have Your strength to do what I cannot, on my own. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
