*** For the full story, don't miss Part One and Two, posted the last two days! And don't miss tomorrow either :)
God wasn't finished with dealing with me, thankfully. I left that restaurant and went to my sister's home, where I was staying. I slept all of about two hours that night, just wrestling with lies from Satan, and truth that God was putting right in front of me. That night was a night full of emotional torment and exhaustion.
I got out of bed on Saturday morning to do a few things, and it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I determined that I would reach out to Ruth and just let her know how sorry I was, and how her blog had touched me. I have never, since I was saved, felt such a conflict in my soul. Satan was fighting hard to keep me down, but God was telling me it could all be mended.
I wanted to reach out to my wife, not only to apologize, but to tell how how shameful and real it was, to see in writing the awful pain I had caused, and how ashamed and sorrowful I felt in wrecking her life. Satan wanted me to keep believing this was all normal and okay- so many dealt with this all the time. He kept reminding me that I had ruined her, my family, my own life, and was beyond any usefulness.
I finally got the courage to text her, and to my amazement, she responded. I told her what was happening, and what had been on my heart, and her response was that she would pray, and she would have others join her in praying for me. I could feel the power of God moving that day in such a real way. I texted her back at one point and told her I felt much like the man lying in the ditch left for dead (Luke 10). She sent me back words that were like medicine for my wounds. Ruth displayed the true character of Christ. Here she was, helping the very one who had wronged her, and hurt her so deeply.
The awful thoughts of guilt and pain Satan wanted me to focus on were eventually overcome by the wonderful fact that my God has chosen not to remember the sins of the past, and he has already covered the future with the blood of His Son. I got so wrapped up in what was happening that afternoon in my heart, that I literally forgot one of the major jobs I was supposed to complete that day. If the people had known what was going on, I am sure they would understand.
I want to encourage any who may see someone in need- whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically, to step in. We have so much to offer the hurting when we can tell them of One Who loves, cares and heals. No matter how close to impossible it may seem, God is always able! There is no situation too big for Him to handle. Yes, Satan will offer alternative ways to handle our problems and they will always lead to ruin, pain, and despair. Listen closely for a Voice Who calls you to hope, to peace and to life everlasting! In Jesus alone, we find rest from our struggles, and light from the darkness of sin. And if God allows you to see someone struggling, faithfully answer the call!
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:4 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your mercy, grace and kindness shown to us. Lord, we don't deserve Your perfect love, and yet You lavish it on us anyways. Thank You for rescuing me from the pit of despair, and placing my feet on solid ground. Help us, Lord, to rescue others we see in need and not to turn our backs on them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Showing posts with label pray. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pray. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Picking A Different Version
When I was a little girl, I had some pretty big pipe dreams about life. In my mind's eye, everything went great. There were no bumps in the road, and no seasons filled with pain or sorrow. I had fairy tale ideas of what marriage was like. And to be honest, most of my thoughts of marriage centered on the wedding. Most of us girls dream about being a bride, and wearing the fancy dress and planning a beautiful day. But marriage is about so much more than a wedding, and as Hollywood can attest, many fall apart afterwards because we believe the wedding day is our grand crescendo.
While a wedding is a special day, and one to celebrate, it's no finale- rather, it's the beginning of learning to serve. It's putting myself after the needs of my spouse, and learning selflessness over selfishness. We don't see these things when we are young and eager to be with our person 24/7; we see with rose-colored glasses. If we could see what would follow, would we pick a different version of our life, if it were possible?
I've thought of this often, since my husband's affair. Would I wish for a different life story- one that is easier, and less painful? Would I choose a path that was absent of heartache and loss? Would I wish my husband out of my story? And even in the darkest days of my marriage, the answer is no. I wouldn't pick a different story or a different life. If you have lived a fairly easy life, you are missing out on knowing a lot about God. You won't know how He redeems our pain, and turns it into something beautiful. You won't know how closely He walks us through our darkest valleys. You won't feel the comfort of His whispers to your wounded spirit. And you won't know how good it feels to feel His blessings after pain.
If you have been betrayed in your marriage by an affair, I pray you'll use it to reach others that are hurting. I pray you'll be willing to share your story with someone who needs to hear the hope you have experienced. God doesn't orchestrate any form of sin or pain in our lives, but He does want to use it when we experience it. He wants us to use it to bring glory to Him. And the more that we allow that to happen, and use our story to help others, the more our own season of pain will heal. This is how He will take our most difficult seasons, and redeem them! So I'm thankful for my life story, and I pray that through it, I will have the opportunity to reach others for good, and His glory!
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 ESV
For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:3-4 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the version of my life that I'm living. It isn't the easiest, but through those hard times, I've witnessed You in ways I never would have without those trials. I thank You for redeeming pain, and for allowing situations that will bring help and hope to others who are suffering. Help me to have the courage to share my story, and not be ashamed. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
While a wedding is a special day, and one to celebrate, it's no finale- rather, it's the beginning of learning to serve. It's putting myself after the needs of my spouse, and learning selflessness over selfishness. We don't see these things when we are young and eager to be with our person 24/7; we see with rose-colored glasses. If we could see what would follow, would we pick a different version of our life, if it were possible?
I've thought of this often, since my husband's affair. Would I wish for a different life story- one that is easier, and less painful? Would I choose a path that was absent of heartache and loss? Would I wish my husband out of my story? And even in the darkest days of my marriage, the answer is no. I wouldn't pick a different story or a different life. If you have lived a fairly easy life, you are missing out on knowing a lot about God. You won't know how He redeems our pain, and turns it into something beautiful. You won't know how closely He walks us through our darkest valleys. You won't feel the comfort of His whispers to your wounded spirit. And you won't know how good it feels to feel His blessings after pain.
If you have been betrayed in your marriage by an affair, I pray you'll use it to reach others that are hurting. I pray you'll be willing to share your story with someone who needs to hear the hope you have experienced. God doesn't orchestrate any form of sin or pain in our lives, but He does want to use it when we experience it. He wants us to use it to bring glory to Him. And the more that we allow that to happen, and use our story to help others, the more our own season of pain will heal. This is how He will take our most difficult seasons, and redeem them! So I'm thankful for my life story, and I pray that through it, I will have the opportunity to reach others for good, and His glory!
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 ESV
For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:3-4 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the version of my life that I'm living. It isn't the easiest, but through those hard times, I've witnessed You in ways I never would have without those trials. I thank You for redeeming pain, and for allowing situations that will bring help and hope to others who are suffering. Help me to have the courage to share my story, and not be ashamed. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
A New Awkward
When it comes to being awkward, I take the cake. I often blurt out things people usually think, but don't say. Ask my people, and they will tell you it's true;) It isn't about being mean, it's about my mouth working before my brain catches up! And other times, it's my social nervousness that causes me to lose my cool for a sentence or two. Not that I claim to be cool, but you get the point. But around my family and friends, I don't feel awkward, so it was strange to suddenly feel awkward around my husband of 25 years!
I've known him practically my whole life. We have spent most of our days and nights right there with one another. I know all his quirks, and he knows mine. And if I were honest, I have more quirks than he does. I can tell you where he has scars, and what his favorite teams are. I know he loves white birthday cake, with white buttercream frosting. I know his shoe size, pet peeves, and the smell of his cologne. But when he left me, I felt uncomfortable around this man I knew so well, and loved so long. Who in the world is this person that did this to me? My best friend became a stranger in many ways.
If you have experienced this, you know what I am talking about. What do you say to this person? How do you act? I had no idea, and so I was most comfortable when he wasn't in my presence. When he would come by the house, my heart would beat fast and I needed gallons of water for my dry mouth. I found it hard to look him in the eyes, and I felt unsure of myself around him. What do you do when you find yourself here? I found that a very difficult thing to deal with.
Conversations had to happen. Issues had to be discussed. Communication was necessary, as we shared children, finances, and a home. In my situation, we did most of our communicating initially over text message. But little by little, we gained the courage to talk face to face. Doing this was painful at first, but became a little less awkward with time. Each time I found out he had been unfaithful, I started back at zero. This was a tumultuous time inside my head and heart. I would feel hopeful, and then crushed.
In this difficult time, I have no doubt I would have been lost without my Anchor in the Storm. If I needed courage, I prayed for it, and received it. When I was afraid, I spoke to Him, and knew He heard me. When I was angry, He calmed my spirit. When I was skeptical, I was reassured of His love for me. And when I was brokenhearted, He showed me a love I was desperate for. Around my Savior, there was never awkwardness, just love and acceptance. Infidelity is uncomfortable, no matter which way you look at it. It hurts people deeply, and causes great pain. But we have One we can take all of our feelings and insecurities to, and know He accepts us, and loves us. He will never hurt or betray us, and in Him, we can rest in absolute peace and comfort.
Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, this is a messy situation, and one that causes me heartache and pain. Give me courage and peace when I am with my spouse, and also when I am not. Give me direction and guide me each day. I thank You for Your love and comfort, and for always making me feel accepted in You. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen!
I've known him practically my whole life. We have spent most of our days and nights right there with one another. I know all his quirks, and he knows mine. And if I were honest, I have more quirks than he does. I can tell you where he has scars, and what his favorite teams are. I know he loves white birthday cake, with white buttercream frosting. I know his shoe size, pet peeves, and the smell of his cologne. But when he left me, I felt uncomfortable around this man I knew so well, and loved so long. Who in the world is this person that did this to me? My best friend became a stranger in many ways.
If you have experienced this, you know what I am talking about. What do you say to this person? How do you act? I had no idea, and so I was most comfortable when he wasn't in my presence. When he would come by the house, my heart would beat fast and I needed gallons of water for my dry mouth. I found it hard to look him in the eyes, and I felt unsure of myself around him. What do you do when you find yourself here? I found that a very difficult thing to deal with.
Conversations had to happen. Issues had to be discussed. Communication was necessary, as we shared children, finances, and a home. In my situation, we did most of our communicating initially over text message. But little by little, we gained the courage to talk face to face. Doing this was painful at first, but became a little less awkward with time. Each time I found out he had been unfaithful, I started back at zero. This was a tumultuous time inside my head and heart. I would feel hopeful, and then crushed.
In this difficult time, I have no doubt I would have been lost without my Anchor in the Storm. If I needed courage, I prayed for it, and received it. When I was afraid, I spoke to Him, and knew He heard me. When I was angry, He calmed my spirit. When I was skeptical, I was reassured of His love for me. And when I was brokenhearted, He showed me a love I was desperate for. Around my Savior, there was never awkwardness, just love and acceptance. Infidelity is uncomfortable, no matter which way you look at it. It hurts people deeply, and causes great pain. But we have One we can take all of our feelings and insecurities to, and know He accepts us, and loves us. He will never hurt or betray us, and in Him, we can rest in absolute peace and comfort.
Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, this is a messy situation, and one that causes me heartache and pain. Give me courage and peace when I am with my spouse, and also when I am not. Give me direction and guide me each day. I thank You for Your love and comfort, and for always making me feel accepted in You. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen!
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Jealousy and Infidelity
He was mine. I loved him and called him mine for 25 years. I laughed with him, cried with him, served with him, and lived with him. He was my husband and no one else could say that about him. I like dessert. I really like chocolate cake, but if the piece is big enough, I will share with you. I like to share adventures, time, and advice- but I don't like to share my husband with another woman.
I tried pretty hard not to think about her, and often I was successful. But in the dark of night, when the house was silent and still, I wondered. What did she look like? How could she replace me? Why would she knowingly get involved with a married man? What did she say about me? What was she like? And again- what in the world did she look like??? I conjured up a mental picture that made me feel inferior. I disliked this woman, and wanted her gone.
I also wrestled with this truth- God loved her. Yes, He loves me, and He chose me for my husband, but He also loved her. He didn't like what she was doing, and He didn't want her for my husband, but it didn't change His love for her. You know how I know this? Jesus came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and I knew she was lost. Another example is found in Romans 5:8- But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That means He loved her too- and as much as I wished to despise her, I am called to something infinitely harder.
I will confess something to you- I have prayed for her, but not often enough, and my heart is lacking in love when I do. Our flesh wants revenge. I think of legitimate excuses for harm in the name of "crime of passion". And when I do this, I am guilty of sin. God asks us to love our enemies, and she was an enemy. It isn't a complicated math problem, it's a simple command from the God of the Universe. I wish it wasn't written in scripture, but it is (multiple times) and I can't ignore it.
If you have walked this road of being betrayed by your spouse, you know the feelings of jealousy and anger. It is not an easy road, and loving our enemy is definitely not easy. I don't have all the answers to the issues in our minds and hearts, but I do have scripture that tells me what I should do. I should pray for her, and love her. I am a work in progress, and I pray that God will give me a heart of compassion for this enemy. While my mind wants to go to dark places, I pray that instead, I will dwell on the Light of the World, and that He gives me a heart of grace for all. Loving someone that loves me back is easy, but loving our enemies is being like Christ. God help me in this today, and always.
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, Luke 6:27 ESV
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live a life filled with grace. Not grace for only those who love me, but for those who are my enemies. Help me to pray for them and love them, knowing it is Your way for me. Remove jealousy from my heart, and allow me to live in the freedom of Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I tried pretty hard not to think about her, and often I was successful. But in the dark of night, when the house was silent and still, I wondered. What did she look like? How could she replace me? Why would she knowingly get involved with a married man? What did she say about me? What was she like? And again- what in the world did she look like??? I conjured up a mental picture that made me feel inferior. I disliked this woman, and wanted her gone.
I also wrestled with this truth- God loved her. Yes, He loves me, and He chose me for my husband, but He also loved her. He didn't like what she was doing, and He didn't want her for my husband, but it didn't change His love for her. You know how I know this? Jesus came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and I knew she was lost. Another example is found in Romans 5:8- But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That means He loved her too- and as much as I wished to despise her, I am called to something infinitely harder.
I will confess something to you- I have prayed for her, but not often enough, and my heart is lacking in love when I do. Our flesh wants revenge. I think of legitimate excuses for harm in the name of "crime of passion". And when I do this, I am guilty of sin. God asks us to love our enemies, and she was an enemy. It isn't a complicated math problem, it's a simple command from the God of the Universe. I wish it wasn't written in scripture, but it is (multiple times) and I can't ignore it.
If you have walked this road of being betrayed by your spouse, you know the feelings of jealousy and anger. It is not an easy road, and loving our enemy is definitely not easy. I don't have all the answers to the issues in our minds and hearts, but I do have scripture that tells me what I should do. I should pray for her, and love her. I am a work in progress, and I pray that God will give me a heart of compassion for this enemy. While my mind wants to go to dark places, I pray that instead, I will dwell on the Light of the World, and that He gives me a heart of grace for all. Loving someone that loves me back is easy, but loving our enemies is being like Christ. God help me in this today, and always.
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, Luke 6:27 ESV
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live a life filled with grace. Not grace for only those who love me, but for those who are my enemies. Help me to pray for them and love them, knowing it is Your way for me. Remove jealousy from my heart, and allow me to live in the freedom of Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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