The Lowest Places

 It was a cold and sunny winter day. I was on the way home from rehab for my "runner's hip"- even though I've never been a runner. But Zumba creates stress on the hip flexors, and I had just left my appointment headed for home. My heart was so sick with the reality of my marriage, and the realization that my husband was gone. It was new, and it was so unwelcome- this intrusion in my peaceful and safe life. I had no idea how to process this reality and in my despair, I swerved over to a vacant lot and literally fell apart. I stayed there for some time-I have no idea how long, just until my tears and yelling were spent. It was one of the lowest places of my life, and I look back at that moment with assorted feelings. One-life can be really painful, and two, in those low places, we are not alone.

I think of the life of Job in the Old Testament. He lost his health, wealth, his livestock and all of his children. How can you handle that sort of loss? It's a staggering thought, and so difficult to truly enter into his suffering. His friends were not the kind to bring hugs and prayers and homemade meals. Instead, they pointed out reasons why they believed he was being punished. His wife urged him to curse God, rather than offer encouragement, support and care. This "low" goes beyond the scope of my imagination. One of the most remarkable men to have lived, he refuses to curse God and throw in the towel. In contrast, he recognized God as his only Source of hope. If he could've seen down the road, he would've seen himself healthy, wealthier and enjoying a full household of children and grandchildren. Yet in his lowest place, he simply had to trust that God had a plan in his suffering.

My lowest place in no way compares to Job's, yet it was my lowest place. It was a time when I had to choose to either be angry at God and turn bitter, or believe that He had a good purpose that would spring from this painful situation. It didn't happen overnight, but I had known God long enough to know He isn't cruel and He doesn't allow us to suffer without purpose. I also physically felt Him with me through each painful moment of that season. Lowest places are terribly unpleasant, yet necessary for our spiritual growth. They show His faithfulness in ways we don't see in our better days, because we often forget His goodness when we aren't as aware of our need of Him.                                           

I bet you can go back to your own low place in life. A time when your heart was devastated and your dreams were shattered in a million pieces. Your low place may be a lot worse than mine-yet if you know Jesus, you know you were not left to handle it alone, either. Life is hard, but life with Jesus gives us hope and help in those lowest places. When you stop to think of someone in a "low" place, you realize they need rescued. They need help getting back up again. While Jesus is the biggest Resurrector of our low places, we also need the love and encouragement of friends and loved ones.

If someone comes to mind today that is sunken in their own place of despair and pain, God wants you to move in and reach out your hand to help them recover. It may be that meal, a hug, a listening ear, a check, or your prayers. Especially if that person is walking a similar trial to your own past experience, you have a unique ability to understand, encourage and lend support. God is doing good things through my own painful past-a blessing I couldn't have seen when I was in the thick of it. While it wasn't something I would have chosen for myself, God allowed it to happen because He can see past the painful event and straight to the purpose that would grow from it. What good have you seen spring forth from your past hurts? Are you allowing God to use it for His purposes, or holding on to bitterness and nonacceptance? The truth is, if we are called to walk through low places, why not allow God to redeem them? One day, the pain will be past, but what we did through it will last forever.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, ESV).

And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me (Psalm 50:15, ESV)."

Dear heavenly Father, help us truly depend on You to bring us through our lowest places, and remove the foolish notion that we can do it on our own. Help us as well to see the needs of others, and to bear their burdens, fulfilling one of our purposes as the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

My Mysterious God

     Why do bad things happen, and what is my response when they do? If I'm honest, my first response is often an angry cry towards God asking why this was allowed in my life. I doubt my ability to handle it, and I doubt that God really knew me well enough in giving me something this large to manage. I am most comfortable with things I can know for certain, but my God is a God of mystery. His Word tells us that He moves in ways that are mysterious to us—too big for me to understand. This begins the seesaw of my faith—my desire to control my circumstances, and His will for me to trust what He's doing.
     So many days I've wished for God to come down in bodily form and sit with me a while. I have so many questions, and unless He speaks the answers to me in person, I often feel unsure and anxious. In the middle of a hard situation, I'd love to have Him meet me for coffee and tell me specifically what will happen, and what I should do. And yet if He did, I would never develop my faith—a faith He longs for me to have. 
     The truth is, sometimes I'm not ready for the answer. God is going to use experiences, people, His Word and circumstances to bring me to the point of acceptance of what will be. Had God told me that one day my husband would have an affair and leave me for over a year, I would not have been able to move forward for fear and heartache. Instead, He worked mysteriously in my life giving me circumstances to better prepare me for the news I would one day receive. The delay of immediate answers if often gracious, and preparing me for things I can't yet see or understand.
     What are you up against that you wish you had answers for? We all have things that we face that leave us feeling anxious and uncertain. Some of these are bigger than others and cause us serious distress and anxiety. We may not understand why God is allowing us to face these things, but we know He is good. In the middle of my darkest moment He was there—I felt Him and knew He was present, even if He didn't reveal what I really wanted to know right away. Because God is interested in the spiritual realm of our circumstances the most, we often feel slighted in the physical and emotional issues facing us. This is due to our worldly vision in contrast to His spiritual vision. He sees what we can't and He knows how each life event will fit His greater plan for us. 
     While God's ways are mysterious, we shouldn't allow that mystery to diminish our faith. If we even know a little about Him, we can trust that what we are experiencing is not without purpose. I don't have to know all the answers because He does. I don't have to feel afraid, because He walks through any storm with me. Some days, this is easier said than done and I still wish for a face-to-face visit with my heavenly Father. The future is unknown to me, but I serve a God that holds it all in His hands and knows exactly what He's doing. Somedays, even when my heart screams for answers, that's all I really need to know.

Oh, the depths and the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable are his ways! Romans 11:33 (ESV)
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2 (ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
"Can you find out the deep things of God? Can you find out the limit of the Almighty? Job 11:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we can feel afraid and insecure when we face certain trials. We long for answers and we long for brighter days, but we can trust that You are with us in those broken places and have a good plan for us. We cannot understand Your ways—they are mysterious to us. But we can see Your character in Your Word, and we can trust You and place our faith in You. Help us to believe even when it's hard, that You love us and are working in ways too big for us to understand. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

     

Making Plans

     The more time we spent together, the more we knew things were not only different this time, but right. We were living separately, and we wanted that to change soon. Evening and weekend dates were great, but as a married couple wanting to re-commit and spend forever together, it just wasn't enough. Every time he drove away from our driveway after dropping me off, my heart felt sad and incomplete. And so we began to make some plans.
     Our biggest issue wasn't even about us, but for those who had to "catch up" with our own feelings- namely, our kids and relatives. While we were ready to move forward, we understood it could be a challenge for those closely connected to us. This was a topic we discussed at length in our counseling sessions, yet as adults, we were encouraged to do what was right for our marriage, and in time, others would see what we knew in our own hearts. By spending time with others in our new start together, they would be able to see the changes in us, and in my husband. 
     We wanted to start fresh- new vows, new rings and a new "us". We chose a date for my husband to return home, and we chose a date for renewing our vows. We went to Jared's (because if you don't go there, they can't say "he went to Jared's";) and picked out new rings. We made plans for what we wanted our vow ceremony to look like, and who we wanted to attend. We planned a second honeymoon and we started to get pretty excited for what was ahead. 
     As I've said so many times, our fresh start wouldn't have been possible without the unmistakeable hand of God. He moved in ways that to this day, amaze and humble me. He uses people we may never expect Him to. He uses abilities we didn't know we had. He uses music. He uses conviction of our spirit. He is truly all-powerful and as scripture tells us, there is nothing too hard for Him. It is humbling to know that this Almighty God would care for our marriage and our lives. Who am I, that God should care? His ways are beyond my thinking, and His goodness exceeds my understanding. No matter what is happening in your own life, be assured that He is interested- He is watching, listening and working. There is such an enormous amount of comfort in knowing that the very One that holds the world in His hands, holds me- and He holds you, too! Don't ever lose sight of this One we serve, and how deeply He cares for us!

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world," John 16:33 ESV
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for caring about me and for my marriage. Your power is more than I can understand, and apart from it, my marriage would've never had a chance for a fresh start. That You are so interested in my little world is humbling, and yet it's so wonderfully sweet. Each day I am grateful for Your love, and for being one of Your children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Counting my Blessings

     When life borders on the miserable side, it's helpful to back up, and make a mental note of what I am grateful for. As a human, I tend to dwell on the negative issues I am facing, and fail to appreciate the positives. As Christians, we are encouraged to embrace our trials, recognizing their ability to draw us closer to Christ, but my flesh often gets in the way.
     My brain was saturated with my situation, and what the outcome would be. I worried about my husband, I struggled with insecurities, I feared the future, I wondered about finances, I felt for my children, and I wished for a different life journey. I felt anger at times, and frustration at other times. I longed for the second coming of Christ in a new way- a way to escape this mess. I cried often, I prayed fervently, I hoped and pleaded. This was my way of life for longer than I wished. Living in this state is not experiencing the joy the Lord offers us- a joy that is not dependent on our circumstances. 
     If you are walking in the more difficult areas of your life story, join me in looking for the many blessings we have, despite the heartache and pain. I have so many blessings, and I don't want to miss them, even amidst hard times. I don't want to live a life lacking thankfulness for the good things I am given, because I am too focused on the harder things. 
     When I step back, and look at my whole life picture, the painful parts of my story are much shorter than the joyful moments. Yes, the painful parts will forever change me, and I pray they change me for the better. I know that God will use those experiences to allow me opportunities to reach in and help others, that will walk similar roads. And honestly, that is also a blessing. 
     We will all feel heartaches and disappointments in life, from time to time. But if we can, in those moments, look to the One Who has blessed us in other areas, we can take a little breath and thank our Heavenly Father for the things we are able to enjoy. It doesn't make the pain go away, and it often doesn't change our circumstances- but it can change our perspective! I want a perspective that focuses on the good things He has given me, and the promises He has made. I can remind myself of the truth found in Jeremiah 29:11- He has GOOD plans for me! 

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, Psalm 103:2 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, Ephesians 1:3 ESV
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, when my days are hard and painful, help me to look for the good You have given me. Focusing on the heartache and pain is exhausting and steals my energy and joy. Help me literally count my blessings, and remember to thank You for them. You have been so good to me, and I am thankful. Give me a grateful heart, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!