Accepting Disappointments in Life

 I was in eleventh grade and I liked this guy. I was sure he could be the one for me. He was nice, loved God, and was easy on the eyes. I prayed about him, and waited. I waited a while longer, and prayed a little more. The days passed and then the months passed, and it still didn't happen. Next thing I knew, he had a serious girlfriend, and it wasn't going to happen. Freshman year of college-the same scene played out in my heart. I liked him, I hoped for him, but no matter what I prayed, or how long I waited, it just didn't happen. My heart was bruised and I was disappointed, yet God held out longer still before my soul mate would be revealed. My friends all seemed to be dating, and I remained unhappily single. 

I can go back to my late 20's and see a similar situation play out in my life once again. All I ever really wanted was to be a wife and a mom. God finally had given me my long awaited love, but I was still waiting to be a mother. My first pregnancy ended in a surgery room. What was left of my baby was removed as my heart was shattered in a million pieces. I had longed for that child. I had prayed for that child, yet God didn't allow me to parent my first little one-nor did He allow my second baby to safely live until delivery. My heart once again faced severe disappointment as I waited for its desire to be granted. 

Elusive love and delayed motherhood are just some of the disappointments I've faced in life. I've had my writing material rejected, I've been passed over for projects I hoped to work on, I've had dreams that fizzled and died, and I've lost friends and family members I prayed would make it through. I've watched my husband walk out the door, devastating my heart in ways nothing else could. The truth is, life can be really hard, and if we aren't prepared for those disappointing seasons, we won't be able to stand firm when they hit us like a ton of bricks.

One of the hardest truths out there is realizing that just because I'm God's child, I'm not promised an easy path. In fact, we are told in scripture that if we are His children, we will experience heartache and pain. Just as we discipline our own kids in order that they will mature and grow into responsible adults who contribute well to society, God disciplines us in order to make us grow and mature into children He can use for His kingdom work. Withholding discipline from us would result in lazy children-children unwilling and unable to fulfill our spiritual purposes. 

Looking back now behind me, I can see how many of my disappointments were for my own good. Had I been given the first guy I prayed for, I would not have the privilege of the love God gave me in my husband. And that guy? He wandered from God and did not live a life of spiritual purpose and usefulness. I can now see God's hand of protection in denying the prayers of my young heart. And while I did not get to mother my first two children, I can see how God placed a more tender love in my heart for the two He did allow me to mother. I clearly see the gift in being their mom, and my heart was softened toward my two blessings in ways I can't put into words. 

Maybe life isn't going the way you wish today. Your heart may be struggling with rejection. You may have been led along and then painfully dumped. You may be waiting for motherhood, wondering why God is holding out. Your heart may be shattered by infidelity or abuse. You may be grappling with a diagnosis that doesn't seem fair, and God seems so far away. Our world is broken, and it's not possible to live here and not have the cost of sin touch our lives. But we are given a promise as God's children-we are never, ever, ever alone. We are not forgotten. He always hears our prayers. He always loves us and because He does, He will allow painful things to transform us from being "self-focused" to "God-focused." 

Disappointments are part of life-it's true. But when we look at them as being an integral part of refinement, we can better accept that we must face disappointment if we are to grow. And we will not grow the way God wants us to, if we despise our disappointments and blame God for not giving us what we wanted. We would be like spoiled kids, mad that we didn't get our way, even when our way isn't what's best for us. We won't have all the answers this side of eternity-some disappointments may never make sense here. But when we understand that our God is a good God, then we have to trust Him even when we don't get it. So whatever you're battling today, hold on to the promise that God is doing something good through your disappointing circumstances. He has a better plan, and we don't always need to understand it-we just need to be willing to allow Him to work His good purposes through us. 

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10, ESV).

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world (John 16:33, ESV)."

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:18, ESV).

Dear heavenly Father, forgive me for how often I long for my own way, despising Yours. Disappointments will come, and when they do, help me to remember that even when my heart is hurting, You will bring about good through my obedience to Your plan and purpose for me. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Lowest Places

 It was a cold and sunny winter day. I was on the way home from rehab for my "runner's hip"- even though I've never been a runner. But Zumba creates stress on the hip flexors, and I had just left my appointment headed for home. My heart was so sick with the reality of my marriage, and the realization that my husband was gone. It was new, and it was so unwelcome- this intrusion in my peaceful and safe life. I had no idea how to process this reality and in my despair, I swerved over to a vacant lot and literally fell apart. I stayed there for some time-I have no idea how long, just until my tears and yelling were spent. It was one of the lowest places of my life, and I look back at that moment with assorted feelings. One-life can be really painful, and two, in those low places, we are not alone.

I think of the life of Job in the Old Testament. He lost his health, wealth, his livestock and all of his children. How can you handle that sort of loss? It's a staggering thought, and so difficult to truly enter into his suffering. His friends were not the kind to bring hugs and prayers and homemade meals. Instead, they pointed out reasons why they believed he was being punished. His wife urged him to curse God, rather than offer encouragement, support and care. This "low" goes beyond the scope of my imagination. One of the most remarkable men to have lived, he refuses to curse God and throw in the towel. In contrast, he recognized God as his only Source of hope. If he could've seen down the road, he would've seen himself healthy, wealthier and enjoying a full household of children and grandchildren. Yet in his lowest place, he simply had to trust that God had a plan in his suffering.

My lowest place in no way compares to Job's, yet it was my lowest place. It was a time when I had to choose to either be angry at God and turn bitter, or believe that He had a good purpose that would spring from this painful situation. It didn't happen overnight, but I had known God long enough to know He isn't cruel and He doesn't allow us to suffer without purpose. I also physically felt Him with me through each painful moment of that season. Lowest places are terribly unpleasant, yet necessary for our spiritual growth. They show His faithfulness in ways we don't see in our better days, because we often forget His goodness when we aren't as aware of our need of Him.                                           

I bet you can go back to your own low place in life. A time when your heart was devastated and your dreams were shattered in a million pieces. Your low place may be a lot worse than mine-yet if you know Jesus, you know you were not left to handle it alone, either. Life is hard, but life with Jesus gives us hope and help in those lowest places. When you stop to think of someone in a "low" place, you realize they need rescued. They need help getting back up again. While Jesus is the biggest Resurrector of our low places, we also need the love and encouragement of friends and loved ones.

If someone comes to mind today that is sunken in their own place of despair and pain, God wants you to move in and reach out your hand to help them recover. It may be that meal, a hug, a listening ear, a check, or your prayers. Especially if that person is walking a similar trial to your own past experience, you have a unique ability to understand, encourage and lend support. God is doing good things through my own painful past-a blessing I couldn't have seen when I was in the thick of it. While it wasn't something I would have chosen for myself, God allowed it to happen because He can see past the painful event and straight to the purpose that would grow from it. What good have you seen spring forth from your past hurts? Are you allowing God to use it for His purposes, or holding on to bitterness and nonacceptance? The truth is, if we are called to walk through low places, why not allow God to redeem them? One day, the pain will be past, but what we did through it will last forever.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, ESV).

And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me (Psalm 50:15, ESV)."

Dear heavenly Father, help us truly depend on You to bring us through our lowest places, and remove the foolish notion that we can do it on our own. Help us as well to see the needs of others, and to bear their burdens, fulfilling one of our purposes as the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

My Mysterious God

     Why do bad things happen, and what is my response when they do? If I'm honest, my first response is often an angry cry towards God asking why this was allowed in my life. I doubt my ability to handle it, and I doubt that God really knew me well enough in giving me something this large to manage. I am most comfortable with things I can know for certain, but my God is a God of mystery. His Word tells us that He moves in ways that are mysterious to us—too big for me to understand. This begins the seesaw of my faith—my desire to control my circumstances, and His will for me to trust what He's doing.
     So many days I've wished for God to come down in bodily form and sit with me a while. I have so many questions, and unless He speaks the answers to me in person, I often feel unsure and anxious. In the middle of a hard situation, I'd love to have Him meet me for coffee and tell me specifically what will happen, and what I should do. And yet if He did, I would never develop my faith—a faith He longs for me to have. 
     The truth is, sometimes I'm not ready for the answer. God is going to use experiences, people, His Word and circumstances to bring me to the point of acceptance of what will be. Had God told me that one day my husband would have an affair and leave me for over a year, I would not have been able to move forward for fear and heartache. Instead, He worked mysteriously in my life giving me circumstances to better prepare me for the news I would one day receive. The delay of immediate answers if often gracious, and preparing me for things I can't yet see or understand.
     What are you up against that you wish you had answers for? We all have things that we face that leave us feeling anxious and uncertain. Some of these are bigger than others and cause us serious distress and anxiety. We may not understand why God is allowing us to face these things, but we know He is good. In the middle of my darkest moment He was there—I felt Him and knew He was present, even if He didn't reveal what I really wanted to know right away. Because God is interested in the spiritual realm of our circumstances the most, we often feel slighted in the physical and emotional issues facing us. This is due to our worldly vision in contrast to His spiritual vision. He sees what we can't and He knows how each life event will fit His greater plan for us. 
     While God's ways are mysterious, we shouldn't allow that mystery to diminish our faith. If we even know a little about Him, we can trust that what we are experiencing is not without purpose. I don't have to know all the answers because He does. I don't have to feel afraid, because He walks through any storm with me. Some days, this is easier said than done and I still wish for a face-to-face visit with my heavenly Father. The future is unknown to me, but I serve a God that holds it all in His hands and knows exactly what He's doing. Somedays, even when my heart screams for answers, that's all I really need to know.

Oh, the depths and the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable are his ways! Romans 11:33 (ESV)
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2 (ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
"Can you find out the deep things of God? Can you find out the limit of the Almighty? Job 11:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we can feel afraid and insecure when we face certain trials. We long for answers and we long for brighter days, but we can trust that You are with us in those broken places and have a good plan for us. We cannot understand Your ways—they are mysterious to us. But we can see Your character in Your Word, and we can trust You and place our faith in You. Help us to believe even when it's hard, that You love us and are working in ways too big for us to understand. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!