Choose Truth

 The past year has been tough—that's not hard to deny. From dirty politics, to racial tension, to Covid19 information (or misinformation), one thing that stands out is how difficult it is to find truth these days. We can't find truth on the news; we are fed lies every day on social media, and we sure can't get a solid answer from our political leaders. It's disheartening and causes insecurity and fear. Our media feeds on this fear, piling on information that is greatly skewed. And while feeling disillusioned by outside sources is frustrating, it's far less hurtful than when it comes from our inner circle.

I was listening to a radio broadcast the other day and the pastor relayed a personal story that stuck with me. Someone had said something about him that was completely untrue—someone he knew and thought was his friend. This piece of information got under his skin and caused him three sleepless nights and plenty of anger. When he met with one of his friends for coffee, he brought up what had happened. His friend stopped him halfway through the conversation and said, "Enough. I don't want to hear about that anymore!" Taken aback, his friend went on to explain that what was said was untrue, in the past, and if dwelt on, would shift his focus from serving God to being sidetracked by this issue.

How many can relate to this story? I can. What people say about me matters—even though I often tend to brush it off outwardly (but inside it's very damaging). But when the information is inaccurate, it's even more hurtful. One point we need to consider is this—if you're doing something for the Lord, expect adversity. Nothing will trip us up more than an attack against our character—especially from a close source. And so when this happens, we must ask some questions of ourselves.

Is what has been said about me true in any way? Really allow yourself time to reflect on this and search for proof behind statements or assumptions. We often are not aware of how our words or actions may be taken by others. If there is truth to what has been said, address the issue and make the necessary changes. Mending relationships is important, and when we are at fault for the breech, we should be taking the first step to restoring the relationship.

What if the information is not true—what do I do about it? This can be difficult when it's coming from someone you know, trust, or love. It hurts. Addressing the issue and offering "your side" is helpful, but won't always correct the situation. If someone truly knows your character, they should be willing to hear your side and consider the possibility that what they have heard does not align with what they have observed in your words and actions. If they refuse to believe the truth over the misinformation they have heard, you will have to leave it at an apology and allow God to work in their hearts on the matter. Staying stuck in this place will rob you of your spiritual purpose and the joy we should experience as God's children.

What if the information is actually true–even if it was taken the wrong way? A heartfelt apology is in order—not only to the one you have offended, but to God as well. When we say or do hurtful things, we hurt more than just the person we offended—we hurt the heart of our Heavenly Father. This step goes against our pride and our fleshly desire to be "right". It's humbling to accept responsibility for our actions and to offer an apology, but it's absolutely required. The apology may or may not be accepted—and if it is not, that's on them. As believers, we should show care and grace when we offend or have been offended. 

Words can be very damaging. Gossip, lies against someone's character, and spreading misinformation hurt people. Consider this when you have something to say, or something to share with others. Is it true? Is it accurate? Is it profitable? Is it damaging? Will it build up, or tear down? Before we open our mouths, may we take into consideration these important questions, and be willing to shut our mouths when what we have to say is unkind, malicious or untrue. May we be known as encouragers and people who speak the truth in love. 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21, ESV).

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18, ESV).

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak (Matthew 12:36, ESV),

"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor (Exodus 20:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to weigh our words—the words we say and the words we hear. Help us to be truthful and to dwell on truth, knowing that dwelling on lies causes us to become angry and bitter. Purify our hearts so that our words will follow. In Your name we pray, Amen.

Who is He?

 Driving down the road, I often find myself praying—sometimes audibly, and sometimes silently, as I have free, uninterrupted time to speak to God. I have quite an extensive list of people I know with needs, and I have plenty of needs right in my own home. To be completely honest, I often find that about 95% of my prayer is focused on needs and wishes. I rattle them off in their usual order, adding in present day requests as they arise. It's not a bad thing to "let our requests me made known to God", but there is more to prayer than that. 

I was challenged recently by a message I heard about prayer, and how I oftentimes find myself asking the same thing over and over again, and not getting much of an answer to some of my own prayer requests. It can be frustrating, when we desperately wish for something, only to feel unheard (we aren't), or feel there is no clear answer from our Father. This message pointed out our attitude toward prayer, and how we often approach God in a way that is habitual and rote, standing in the way of our answers. We come bringing our needs, but aren't even expectant when we lay them before Him—and I know this is true of myself, at times. 

I recently had a real need that I had been taking before the Father, but again, it had been more of a habit in my asking. After hearing this broadcast on prayer, my heart was stricken for the callous and casual way I often approach Him for needs of my heart. As I got on my knees in the quiet of my home, I asked God to reveal to me just ten of the mighty things He had done, that we read of in scripture. As He revealed them to me, one by one, I spoke back to Him those miraculous displays of His awesome power. As I spoke each one of them, it became clearer and clearer to me that my prayer was just a drop in an ocean of His infinite power, and certainly easily handled by His hand. And you know what? Within the course of that very day, my prayer was answered!

The message of this post is certainly not from a point of authority, teaching the way to really pray. The real point I want to make here is for us to remember Who we are praying to—I needed that reminder. There are a few prayer sessions I've had with my Heavenly Father that will be forever engrained into my memory—that being one of them. Each of those times I distinctly remember Him speaking back to me in a very direct way. It is one of the reasons I do not have doubts regarding my salvation like I did when I was younger. If the Word of God did not reassure me (and It always can), those prayer sessions sure did. 

As we make prayer a part of our Christian journey, may we remember Who God is as we approach Him. I need this reminder often, but my experience recently refreshed my soul and gave me the courage to ask, knowing His perfect ability to answer. When our prayers align with His will, we are on good ground for receiving an answer. Will it always happen immediately? No—I've been made to wait many times, as God bolstered my patience and my faith as I continued to bring the same need before Him. But we know we can approach Him boldly—just as scripture reminds us, knowing He not only hears us, but longs to answer us. On the days I pray habitually and my heart is lacking, may He speak to me again, giving me courage and reminding me of His awesome power. As Jeremiah 32:27 reminds us, "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?" 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might (Ephesians 6:10, ESV).

But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26, ESV)."

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly that all that we ask of think, according to the power at work within us (Ephesians 3:20, ESV),

And what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might (Ephesians 1:19, ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to approach You in light of who You are. Help us to pray expectantly, and from our hearts. We know You long for us to bring our petitions before You, and so we pray that we will be more aware of how we approach You. Your power is limitless, and Your love is infinite. In Your precious name we pray, Amen!

Should it be Me?

     The older I get, the more opportunities I've witnessed where I felt led to speak up, and speak out. Whether it's been a boy-crazy young girl, a flirtatious married woman, an inappropriate relationship, harsh treatment of another, or spiritual bullying, I feel something needs to be said. And to be quite frank, sometimes "that person" doing something inappropriate has been me. I've sat on both sides of this fence, and neither is a pleasant place to be. However, as Christians, we have a responsibility to uphold our spiritual testimony and represent Him well. But before I am in a place to speak out, I must first look deep within my own heart before I can justify the calling to approach another. While there are many things that may qualify or disqualify me, I'd like to look at just four.
     Before it should be me, I'll need to first check myself. Am I in a spiritual position to speak up, or do I have my own issues to resolve first? Will I speak to someone about lust, and have a problem with overspending (revealing my own lust for "things")? While we all have our own personal wrestlings, we don't want to point out others without first addressing our own. If you feel led to approach another, pray for wisdom in your words, timing, and to reveal any hidden issues of your own heart. 
     The second area for qualifying you to speak up is in relationship. Before it should be my responsibility, I should first have a solid, loving, personal, connected relationship with this person. My words will never be taken to heart unless they first felt wholly loved by me. This means that we have one-on-one dialogue- learning and sharing life issues and triumphs with one another. This person would call me "friend" and not just a fellow believer. If the relationship is there, my words will not be heard as harsh judgment, but as loving instruction and advice to be considered. 
     No one will ever respond well to correctional words spoken without love. You should be known as one who loves them, and your words should come forth in a spirit of love. This means there is no trace of anger or malice in your tone or your motives- your words and intentions are purely coming from a heart of love. Why do kids generally respond well to a parents correction? Because they understand that correction is generated from a heart of love and concern. So if you don't have a mutually loving relationship with this person- you aren't the best one to speak up.
     Last- use scripture. If you feel they need rescued, make sure it's based on what God has to say, and not your own opinions. When there is an obvious battle between a person's behavior, and God's Word, it should be easy to point out. In the face of scripture, the initial response to retaliate may vanish in light of Who gives us our model for spiritual behavior. Find a few clear, concise scriptures that identify the root of what you're observing that led you to approach them. Do not skip the first three, and only use this qualification, or it won't be well received.
     I'll be the first to admit that it stinks to be approached by even a qualified person, and how often the first response I feel is to defend myself. I may list a number of reasons to try to excuse my behavior- that's my spirit of pride. And it also stinks to be the person who is qualified that has to speak out- it's a very difficult thing to do, and yet it's going to be necessary at times. If you see a sister or brother whom you feel needs addressed, please make sure you fit the qualifications to do so. Being a leader in title only will not qualify you. Please only approach someone if you can put a check mark beside the above qualifications. Sometimes- things have to be said. And sometimes- you won't be the best one to speak up. God, give us wisdom to know when it should fall on us, and please grant us grace when we are the recipients of correction. 

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1 (ESV)
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray. Proverbs 10:17 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, please open our eyes and our hearts to the spiritual needs of others. But Lord, help us to see our own shortcomings before we speak out. Help us to speak out of love and relationship, and not title and selfish motives. Give us courage when we are the one qualified to speak, and help others to hear us and know our words come from You. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!

The Decision to Blog

     I'm a private person. I don't really like people to know personal things about me- especially bad things. And to be honest, for close to a year, I stayed quiet as much as possible about our marriage crisis. Infidelity is humbling and embarrassing- not something you want to just chat about with random people. Often, I didn't even want to talk about it with the people I loved the most. It's messy and complicated and full of heartache, so it is safer to hush up.
     Last summer, I felt a stirring inside me about using our story to reach others and hopefully use it for good. Each time I thought about it, I quickly brushed the idea aside to write a blog. At the time, I began writing a book. This book is a 6 week daily devotion for betrayed spouses. I had visions of one day seeking publishing for it, but I honestly didn't know if I would ever pursue publishing. This book is personal to me, and I wasn't ready to share even though I felt God preparing me to open up through writing. Today, that book is in editing for publishing and I feel overwhelmed at God's blessing.
     I have always enjoyed writing, but until it came from my heart, I struggled to connect thoughts to paper. Infidelity is something people don't talk about, but a reality for so many. In my circles I rarely hear about it which made me feel pretty lonely in my journey through it. The thing is this- I know it's happening, and I know it's a real issue, yet when people don't talk about it, there is little help to gain from others that understand. Yes- parts of the story are too personal and not beneficial to share, but keeping quiet was becoming a burden, and God was nudging me to have the courage to publicly share my story.
     The biggest drawback for me was fear- fear of what my husband would think or say. We were not together when I started this blog initially, and I knew he would be upset with me if he found it (and I knew he would, in time). Right before he left in late December, I wrote my first blog entry and it sat on my computer for a few days. I was literally terrified when I thought of hitting "publish". And each day, God spoke to me asking me to do what I was afraid to do. I didn't understand what He planned to do with it at the time, but on this side of the story, I am blown away (and when you read more of my blog, you will be too;). If fear is holding you back from doing something God has called you to do, I want to urge you to have the courage to listen to His voice. If He is speaking and you're sure it's Him, He has a purpose in what He is asking of you. Let go of the fear, and simply trust Him. And when you see what He has planned, just like me- you'll be blown away!

Whoever is of God hears the words of God. John 8:47a ESV
And he said to them, "Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. Mark 4:24 ESV
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I will wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes fear holds me back from listening to Your voice. Help me let go of my fear and simply follow You wherever You would have me to go, or whatever You call me to do. I thank You for loving me and for investing in my little world and for speaking to me. May I have an attentive ear to Your voice always, Lord. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
      
     

Sunday Relationship Post- Speaking Thankfulness

     In our world of entitlement, there is a shortage of speaking gratitude. Saying "please" and "thank you" are seemingly dated phrases. But voicing thankfulness begins at home, and homes need to step it up. The more we both voice and show our thankfulness, the more enjoyable it is for the person to treat us generously. In a marriage, it's no different. In fact, showing appreciation is a healthy way to build a marriage up.
     There are two sides to thankfulness- the person who is giving, and the one receiving. We don't give in order to receive- that should never be our motive. But giving generously and lovingly is a big part of a relationship. Some provide financially for the family, some contribute by their care of the home, and some do both. These are actions that should be appreciated, as they take time, energy, effort, and careful attention. Saying "thank you" goes beyond manners- it shows appreciation for the efforts of others to make our life better and brighter. 
     Just as we need to hear appreciation for our hard work in our careers, we also need to hear it at home. Nothing makes a person more motivated to be a rock star on the job, then when their boss builds them up with compliments and encouragement. A great leader will encourage those who work under them, motivating them to give their best effort. Why not practice this same behavior in our homes? Encourage one another and show appreciation for the things we do- whether we made an excellent dinner, washed the car, earned a bonus at work, paid for a dinner out, or picked up the dry cleaning. 
     When we fail to say "thank you" over and over and over again, we leave the door open for the provider to feel unappreciated and taken for granted. We never want those feelings in any relationship- especially a marriage. Think of ways your spouse provides for you and voice your appreciation. Learn to speak thankfulness, and don't stop with people. We want to use this same principle with how we treat our Heavenly Father. He has blessed us with so much, and we need to acknowledge our blessings by thanking Him for them. So I pray for an attitude of gratefulness over expectedness. And I thank the Lord for blessing me with so many wonderful people and material comforts. 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, Hebrews 12:28 ESV
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! Psalm 100:4 ESV
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live with a thankful spirit, and to let others know I appreciate them. May those closest to me never feel taken for granted because of my selfish, careless attitude of expectedness. I thank You for the many blessings I enjoy, and for giving Your Son to pay for my pardon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen! 
     

Sunday Relationship Post- Complimenting One Another

     I am honored to know a lady that makes everyone feel like a million bucks. Elsie goes out of her way to make everyone feel special, beautiful, loved and appreciated. If you are blessed with knowing her, you know how amazing she is. Being around someone like her leaves you feeling positive and full of smiles. Why can't we all be more like my friend, Elsie?
     In a relationship, compliments are important. Whether you compliment each other's looks, accomplishments, cooking, or new outfit, compliments feel good, and make you feel cherished and appreciated. If you don't compliment your spouse, someone else will. Why would we want our husband or wife to be complimented by others, and not by me? We all have a need to feel wanted and appreciated, and we especially need to feel that with our life partner. 
     Make a point today to compliment the one you love. The more you do it, the better you will feel. Don't worry about keeping score- they make take a while to catch on. But if you do feel neglected and need complimented more, don't be afraid to have a conversation about it. Often times, we get so busy doing our own thing that we forget to speak kindness to those we love. It isn't good enough to think it- we need to make sure we are saying it!
     God made us with a need to feel loved and appreciated. While He does love us- so very much, if we are in a relationship, we should be expressing the things our spouse needs to hear. Just as God reminds us of His love for us, we need to show that same kind of love to others. So let's try to be more like Elsie to a world that needs to smile more, and feel loved and appreciated. And why not start with the person who needs it the most from you- your spouse. Let them know today how much they mean to you, and what it is about them that you love. It only takes a simple compliment to turn a bad day around. 

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 15:2 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to compliment others - especially my spouse. May my pride not hold me back from saying things that build others up. Thank You for speaking of Your love towards me, and help me to speak of mine for others. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!