Silent Night

     Silence. Do you get enough of it? I don't. The world is a really noisy place, and often I wish to just get away and enjoy some peace and quiet. I love the Christmas song Silent Night. The tune is breathtakingly beautiful- especially when sung by one of my favorite artists. But the words silent and calm rarely are a reality for me. And if you're like me, I'm sure you can relate.
     I like to have fun. I like to be surrounded by people and talking and laughter. Nothing is wrong with that, but too much of it drowns out something I desperately need to hear- God's voice. We are a people full of our own problems- marriage problems, problems with our kids, problems with our jobs, problems with our health and financial problems. We want God to help us and often pray for His leading and guidance, then we surround ourselves with so much noise that we will never hear His answers. This is the first misstep toward finding real peace in our troubled situations. By avoiding silence, we inadvertently avoid His whispered words of wisdom and direction. 
     Christmas is my favorite time of year- there is no season that compares to all that Christmas offers us. It's a time of fellowship, family, food and festivities. It's shopping and baking and wrapping and decorating. It's rich in tradition, and warms even the coldest of heart. But here is another thing it is: busy! So how can we balance our holiday agenda while making sure we are listening to the One whom we are celebrating? 
     I've got quite an extensive prayer list right now. I have friends who are really sick. I have family members who are struggling. I have relatives that still need salvation. I'm praying for couples that are either in a battle for their marriage, or recovering from one (just like us). Our home is often faced with decisions that demand answers- some easier than others. I can pray, and pray, and pray, but if I'm not listening, then what's the point? I desperately need God- and I desperately long for clarity. I want to see my prayers answered, and I want to hear His voice as it leads me in the very best direction. 
     God won't force His way into our lives- He lets us choose. My choices hold a lot of eternal weight. Will I allow time for listening, or will I cram one more noisy activity into my day, ultimately crowding Him out? Sweet friends, Jesus is always listening. He craves interaction with us. I often don't understand how privileged I am to enjoy a two-way relationship with the God of the Universe. And so I encourage you, this busy, noisy Christmas season, to make time for a silent night. Listen for His voice- because missing it is such a loss. Missing it means we misstep, leading us down a path He never intended. I'm guilty of over-extending, and I need to be the first to own up to falling short of active listening- but I want to do better. I need to do better. And so I'm making myself a promise- a promise to allow more silence into this season, so I'll hear Him... really hear Him, when He speaks to me. 

My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:1-5 (ESV)
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, I long for silence, amidst the noise of life. I need it, because without it, I'll never hear You. Help me to keep my heart and my ears open to Your Word and Your voice. May I take time this Christmas season for a little bit of silence- active silence that begs answers to my prayers. And in this silence, may my heart worship and praise You! In Your name, I pray Jesus, Amen!

     

If it Didn't Happen for You

     My broken marriage was restored earlier this year, and I can tell you this- it wasn't my doing. I've had people ask me what I did, that would maybe help their own situation. I can't say why it happened for me, or that I am more qualified to receive this amazing gift than any other person. Frankly speaking, it wasn't owed to me just because I prayed for it, even though I longed for it in the depths of my soul. Because the bottom line is this- I can want something all day long, but if God isn't in it, and if hearts aren't changed on both sides, it likely won't happen.

     In my case, I wanted restoration. I prayed for it almost without ceasing. I was willing to work for it, and make necessary sacrifices. I was willing to go to marriage counseling and work through the tough issues that drove us apart. I could wish and work for it all day long, but if my husband had not opened his own heart to the calling and convicting of God, it wouldn't have happened for us. 

     We are only responsible for our own choices, and sometimes that truth can unsettle us. Had my husband chosen to ignore God's voice, we would probably be in the middle of a painful divorce. What choices are your loved ones making that you'd love to influence, or change? You may wish for a child to find victory over a drug addiction. You may wish for your spouse to stop being physically abusive. You may wish you could say just the right thing to lead your brother away from a life of alcoholism. Your son may be battling pornography, and you feel helpless. Your spouse may be lying in the arms of another man, leaving you heartbroken and lonely. These are choices that are being played out right before our eyes, causing deep pain and despair. And yet they are their choices- outside of our own control. We can plead, wish, and pray; but we can't make their choices for them. 

     I have spoken to some dear friends who have waited decades for their wayward spouses. My heart hurts for them. They wish for reconciliation too, but they are only one half of the broken marriage. We can pray for God to work in the lives and hearts of our estranged spouse, hopefully bringing them back, but they must open their own heart to His voice. Nothing I did on my own is responsible for my restoration story. I don't have any hidden secrets I could share that would make you say, "Ahh.. that's what it is!" I don't hold the key to success for a restored marriage. I honestly don't deserve the grace and mercy God has poured into my life and marriage, and yet that didn't stop Him. All I can tell you is this- God did it! He worked a miracle for us, and He can work one in your situation as well. Your child, your husband, your wife, your brother, your mom, your best friend- all can be reached by Him. No one is too far from His reach, no matter how bad it looks today! 

     If you're still waiting, know that He knows how hard the waiting is, and He cares so much about your situation. If you gave up, His heart hurt along with yours. You are only responsible for the choices you make- and sometimes the ones we love the most will make bad choices that will change the course of our lives forever. You are not responsible for their unwillingness to listen to God's voice. But you are responsible for your own choices- are you choosing well? My own marriage wasn't restored because I'm special, or God loves me more. It simply happened because both of us listened to what God had to say about it, and because of this, He is mending what our sin broke- because that's what God does!

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the gift of restoration. I pray that others who are not given this opportunity, and are hurting today, will feel Your comfort and peace. Heal broken hearts, Lord, and turn back the ears of those who have wandered far from Your voice. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

     

The Decision to Blog

     I'm a private person. I don't really like people to know personal things about me- especially bad things. And to be honest, for close to a year, I stayed quiet as much as possible about our marriage crisis. Infidelity is humbling and embarrassing- not something you want to just chat about with random people. Often, I didn't even want to talk about it with the people I loved the most. It's messy and complicated and full of heartache, so it is safer to hush up.
     Last summer, I felt a stirring inside me about using our story to reach others and hopefully use it for good. Each time I thought about it, I quickly brushed the idea aside to write a blog. At the time, I began writing a book. This book is a 6 week daily devotion for betrayed spouses. I had visions of one day seeking publishing for it, but I honestly didn't know if I would ever pursue publishing. This book is personal to me, and I wasn't ready to share even though I felt God preparing me to open up through writing. Today, that book is in editing for publishing and I feel overwhelmed at God's blessing.
     I have always enjoyed writing, but until it came from my heart, I struggled to connect thoughts to paper. Infidelity is something people don't talk about, but a reality for so many. In my circles I rarely hear about it which made me feel pretty lonely in my journey through it. The thing is this- I know it's happening, and I know it's a real issue, yet when people don't talk about it, there is little help to gain from others that understand. Yes- parts of the story are too personal and not beneficial to share, but keeping quiet was becoming a burden, and God was nudging me to have the courage to publicly share my story.
     The biggest drawback for me was fear- fear of what my husband would think or say. We were not together when I started this blog initially, and I knew he would be upset with me if he found it (and I knew he would, in time). Right before he left in late December, I wrote my first blog entry and it sat on my computer for a few days. I was literally terrified when I thought of hitting "publish". And each day, God spoke to me asking me to do what I was afraid to do. I didn't understand what He planned to do with it at the time, but on this side of the story, I am blown away (and when you read more of my blog, you will be too;). If fear is holding you back from doing something God has called you to do, I want to urge you to have the courage to listen to His voice. If He is speaking and you're sure it's Him, He has a purpose in what He is asking of you. Let go of the fear, and simply trust Him. And when you see what He has planned, just like me- you'll be blown away!

Whoever is of God hears the words of God. John 8:47a ESV
And he said to them, "Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. Mark 4:24 ESV
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I will wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes fear holds me back from listening to Your voice. Help me let go of my fear and simply follow You wherever You would have me to go, or whatever You call me to do. I thank You for loving me and for investing in my little world and for speaking to me. May I have an attentive ear to Your voice always, Lord. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
      
     

Sunday Relationship Post- Speaking Thankfulness

     In our world of entitlement, there is a shortage of speaking gratitude. Saying "please" and "thank you" are seemingly dated phrases. But voicing thankfulness begins at home, and homes need to step it up. The more we both voice and show our thankfulness, the more enjoyable it is for the person to treat us generously. In a marriage, it's no different. In fact, showing appreciation is a healthy way to build a marriage up.
     There are two sides to thankfulness- the person who is giving, and the one receiving. We don't give in order to receive- that should never be our motive. But giving generously and lovingly is a big part of a relationship. Some provide financially for the family, some contribute by their care of the home, and some do both. These are actions that should be appreciated, as they take time, energy, effort, and careful attention. Saying "thank you" goes beyond manners- it shows appreciation for the efforts of others to make our life better and brighter. 
     Just as we need to hear appreciation for our hard work in our careers, we also need to hear it at home. Nothing makes a person more motivated to be a rock star on the job, then when their boss builds them up with compliments and encouragement. A great leader will encourage those who work under them, motivating them to give their best effort. Why not practice this same behavior in our homes? Encourage one another and show appreciation for the things we do- whether we made an excellent dinner, washed the car, earned a bonus at work, paid for a dinner out, or picked up the dry cleaning. 
     When we fail to say "thank you" over and over and over again, we leave the door open for the provider to feel unappreciated and taken for granted. We never want those feelings in any relationship- especially a marriage. Think of ways your spouse provides for you and voice your appreciation. Learn to speak thankfulness, and don't stop with people. We want to use this same principle with how we treat our Heavenly Father. He has blessed us with so much, and we need to acknowledge our blessings by thanking Him for them. So I pray for an attitude of gratefulness over expectedness. And I thank the Lord for blessing me with so many wonderful people and material comforts. 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, Hebrews 12:28 ESV
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! Psalm 100:4 ESV
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live with a thankful spirit, and to let others know I appreciate them. May those closest to me never feel taken for granted because of my selfish, careless attitude of expectedness. I thank You for the many blessings I enjoy, and for giving Your Son to pay for my pardon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!