I Wasn't Ready Yet

 I received a message through my Instagram account the other day, and something in it really struck a chord with me: "I wasn't ready, yet", she said. I've said it, and maybe you have too. How many things do we not feel ready for? I know for me, the list would be pretty extensive. In this particular case, she wasn't ready for words of hope—because sometimes, we feel the need to flounder in our grief and pain as we grapple with reality. We wrestle with our shocking feelings surrounding painful circumstances, and need to spend some time there.

I can relate. I have my own lapse between discovery and the quest for healing. Or maybe that lapse is really just the very beginning of the process that leads us to healing. When we receive shocking news—whether betrayal in our marriage, the death of a loved one, a serious diagnosis, or some other painful discovery, our initial response is not usually acceptance—that comes later in the grieving/healing process.

It helps to know this is a natural response for most humans. It doesn't make me a bad person or a bad Christian if I spend a little time between discovery and acceptance. It doesn't mean I don't believe God is good—but it does mean my faith in His goodness is being called to the test, even as He patiently waits for me to learn to trust Him with this hard news.

The truth is, when I hear something especially difficult, I like to nurse that pain for a while. Whether it's minutes or days, those feelings match the bad news. I need time to properly grieve those hurts and disappointments before I feel ready to move on and move forward—maybe you need this space too. But even in those days of nursing my wounds and floundering in my feelings, I'm still so deeply touched with His tender presence—giving comfort until I'm ready. 

I lost a dear friend this week, and I wasn't ready to hear she had passed away. I had hoped for healing—healing that would place her back in this world—healthy and whole and pouring herself back into her family and friends once again. We prayed and we believed, yet God took her home. I feel pain over our temporary parting—space is needed until acceptance comes. God knows. He understands our need for this time, yet it won't stop Him from planting precious truths into our hurting hearts. This is the soil needed for future acceptance—knowing He deeply cares for our hurts and pains.

Maybe you're somewhere between hard news and acceptance. Maybe you're wrestling with the darkness of those painful feelings—the deepness of grief. Maybe you don't even want to think of God, and are pressing against His longing to comfort you. If He is in control, then He could have allowed a different outcome—different news than what you're facing. Does He care for your hurt and pain, and does He understand the feelings we face as we grieve? He does, friends, He does.

We need days where we wallow in the bad news and we ask God, "why?" And while it's a natural part of the process of grieving, let us not stay stuck there. The truth is, bad news will come to us all at some point in our lives—and it seems more and more often as we age. Sin has broken this world, and it's broken us, too. That's why we desperately need Jesus—the God of all comfort. 

Maybe today you don't feel ready to accept whatever it is you're facing. Maybe you just want to nurse your pain another day. Maybe you aren't ready yet—ready to move forward. To accept. To heal. To trust God with your broken heart. Maybe today, hope doesn't feel possible. But tomorrow is a new day. Pray about your heart. Know that Jesus cares so very deeply for you. His ways are best, even when they hurt. 

We don't always need to know why, but eventually we must accept the present reality. We must remember God's faithful love, and that He works all things for good–even when it doesn't feel good. One day, you'll be ready, and one day you'll look back and see how far He's brought you. Don't spend too much time wallowing and nursing your pain—you have big things He has planned for you—things you don't want to miss. You aren't alone in this—He is always with us. So today in that space between hard news and acceptance, may you feel His love beckoning you to trust Him. May you learn to lean into His tender, strong arms and carry you through. He is our Good, Good Father—every single moment of every single day.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV). 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3, ESV). 

God's Purposes in Bad Life Events

     Why does God allow bad things to happen to us? There are so many painful situations we are called to experience in life, and we wonder sometimes- why me? None of us are untouchable, and we all have our painful seasons. I've seen so many that I know, lately, walk through an unexpected tragedy, and it hurts to know they are in their season of pain. But we all have those seasons, some a little more painful than others. 
     Where is God in all of it? Does He plan these things, or does He allow them? How can good come out of something so bad? We know God is good, and He isn't the Creator of evil. When He created the world, He said "and it was good." And it was good, until the fall of Adam and Eve to sin. In that moment, our world was broken, and will remain broken until Christ returns and makes all things new. Our painful seasons are a result of living in a broken world- a world broken by sin. 
     While God is good, and doesn't create the things that cause us to suffer, we do know He will use it for His ultimate good. We often don't see the good in it for quite some time, and sometimes, we won't see it on this side of glory. But scripture tells us that all things work together for good, for those that love the Lord (Romans 8:28). For each painful season I have been called to walk, I have seen good grow out of them. God is faithful to His Word and His promises to us, and while I hurt in those hard times, I can have faith that He will use them for His good purposes. 
     Are you walking through a hard season right now? You may be facing a marital crisis, an illness, an addiction, the death of a loved one- these are hard spots along the road we are traveling. When we are hurting and suffering, God hurts with us, but He also comforts us and offers us His faithful love and healing. If we are christians, our time of suffering is short in light of what awaits us in Heaven. We can take comfort in knowing that what lies ahead, is so much better than what we are living in this broken world. Our painful seasons are seasons- not meant to derail us for life. We can allow them to help us grow in our faith, or allow bitterness to take root. Just as God wants to turn them around and use them for good, we have to allow Him to do it for us. He will use them either way, but I want to come out of the season with a stronger heart for God, trusting Him to transform my pain into something amazing. I've witnessed it in my own life, and I can tell you He is able!

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4 ESV
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for redeeming our pain, and bringing good out of it. Some points along our journey would be almost unbearable without You, and how You will use them for good. Thank You for carrying me through my darkest times, and for preparing a home for me where suffering will no longer touch me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

What have I Learned?

     Life is like school. We may think we know most of what we need to know by the time we graduate college, but in reality, I knew little of what I needed to know at that point in life. Life is full of lessons- some are good and some are hard. But if we walk it, we need to get something out of it. If we don't, it was a wasted experience, and other experiences will follow until we get the point.
     When bad things happen, we can get stuck in the cycle of asking "why". We won't always know why, and we might not understand the answer even if we did. "Why" makes me anxious and uptight, and even a little angry. Why did this happen? Why did it happen to me? Why was I allowed to experience this heartache? Why did he do it? Focusing on "why" isn't going to help me make progress. Friends, sometimes we don't get our answer, and even if we did, it won't change what happened. 
     When bad things do happen to us, and they will, we can look for what we have learned through the trial. If I have to experience a heartbreaking issue in my life, I want to learn from it. If I don't, shame on me. I don't want to learn cynicism from it, because that wouldn't be what God meant for me to learn. I don't want to learn bitterness from it, because that won't bring me to healing. I want to find the good things I learned as I walked that painful road, and use them to change me for the better.
     Infidelity changed me. I don't take life for granted, and I don't take my marriage for granted. I appreciate the grace of God in a new way. I understand my own shortcomings I had failed to see before. I no longer underestimate the viciousness of Satan's attacks. I realize the importance of staying intimately connected to my Heavenly Father. My eyes were opened to the serious consequences of bad choices, made by parents, in the life of our children. I am humbled at the working of the Holy Spirit to restore and make new. I am overwhelmed with the comfort offered by Jesus in dark times. I am much more aware of our fallibility. And through His Spirit, I am stronger than I ever imagined. 
     Yes, life has many lessons. And when I am tested, I want to pass. And if I don't pass, I want an opportunity for test corrections. I want to learn good things from hard things. I want to grow through my trials, and not falter. I want to use my experiences to point others to Jesus. I want to be a light in a world full of darkness. And I want to keep learning, keep growing, and move past the "why", into something better- something that results in being more like my Savior. 

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, Philippians 3:13 ESV
Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come. 1 Corinthians 10:11 ESV
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to learn good things from the bad experiences in life. Help keep me from bitterness and anger, and look for ways to use them to develop into someone more like You. May I use the trials I experience to grow and learn. And help me to remember how You carry me through them all. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!