Sometimes life is hard because I want my own way and I forget about serving others. The popular way of the world is to make myself happy, and to be honest, I often buy into this mindset, even while having the best of intentions not to. I want it all- that perfect husband, perfect life, and perfect marriage, and since that can never happen in an imperfect world, I can find myself discouraged and restless. Have you been there, friend? Do you often find yourself doing more wishing than being simply grateful for what is?
There isn't a better time than now to do a little soul searching in life. Amid the chaos and unrest resulting from Covid19, we've been given something many of us normally run short on- time to reflect. While we won't have a normal Easter this coming weekend, the basic truths of why we celebrate it can't be changed by circumstances. And when I think of the cost of my own spiritual freedom and eternal life, I feel ashamed of this constant pursuit of wanting. Because at the core of my spirit, I am honestly never truly satisfied when I'm hungering for things of this world. I'll never have enough. I'll always yearn for more if I lose sight of this simple truth: only Christ can satisfy.
It's not wrong to have dreams and goals. It's not wrong to want a better life for our family. It's not wrong to want a home and a good marriage. But it is wrong to make my life about pursuing "things" over pursuing Jesus. And if I'm honest, I often find myself failing here. I find myself feeling jealous of people that can travel the world, wear a size zero (like, does that mean they don't exist?), live on the tropical shores of the Caribbean, and never worry about bills. This part of me isn't who I wish to be, and it shows a lack of gratefulness for the blessings God has given me!
And so it's time for me to do a little focus shifting, as I think of the sacrifice of Jesus at Calvary. He went willingly to the cross to die for my sins. He suffered and paid the price in order to redeem me. He laid down His own life out of a love greater than any I could ever understand. And on the third day, He rose from the dead- claiming victory over the grave. And then, then.. He asks us to remember Him. To serve Him. And He taught us how to do that as He washed the dirty feet of His disciples. We can serve Him when we serve others. And that's where I often get turned around in life, because I'm serving me instead of my husband. I'm serving me over my church family. I want my own way instead of His way. And that's not how it's supposed to be.
If you're possibly also struggling at times in life to feel truly satisfied, the answers are likely the same- we are too focused on ourselves to appreciate what we have already been given. And I'll be the first to say I'm ashamed that it's true of me. So today, I'll choose to see the great things I have: a loving, caring, hard-working husband. Kids that love me and love Jesus. A home that while beautiful on the outside, is also a warm and inviting place to hang my hat. And this is just a smaller part of the countless blessings I enjoy. But the biggest blessing of all is what we are about to celebrate- my own redemption from what our Lord accomplished at Calvary. When I slow down and take time to really reflect, I'm much less restless and so much more thankful. I realize how easily I get sucked into the mentality of our world, and I feel shame. Dear Jesus, help me to have eyes that see like You see. A heart that loves and serves like You did. Because when I do, I'll see the beauty all around me, and forsake the foolish pursuit of satisfying myself.
Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. 1 Corinthians 10:24 (ESV)
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9 (ESV)
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 (ESV)
Dear heavenly Father, forgive me for so often seeking to satisfy my own flesh and desires, and miss the blessings You have given me. Help me to learn from Your own example, the life of serving others. May I remember, each day, how satisfaction will never be found outside of You. In Your name I pray, Amen!
I am a beach girl at heart, and a few weeks ago, we were blessed to enjoy a week along the breathtaking beaches of Florida's gulf coast. Vacation gives you some extra thinking time, which I love, and time, in general, to slow down, connect, and relax. While wading through the beautiful crystal waters of Panama City Beach (highly recommended beach to put on your bucket list), I was talking to my daughter and my niece about the pursuit of God. All of us had the enormous blessing of being raised in a family that taught us all about Him since our earliest memories, so we didn't have to look long and hard to find Him. But an amazing truth that stood out to me, is that even if I hadn't been raised this way, He would have pursued me- just like He pursues each one of us.
One of the most precious promises I have personally witnessed Him keep, is that He pursues His wandering children. In times of my rebellion, He chased after me. And when my husband wandered away from Him, and into a relationship with another woman, He pursued him as well. As Christians, this promise gets us through those painful times of life, when we feel the sting of separation between us and God, or a loved one who is away from not only us- but God as well. We know that He is a God that pursues those who have fallen away, and need rescued, because we have witnessed it in our own lives.
All of us will, at some point, allow a separation between us and our Heavenly Father. Whether it is intentional or not, it happens. It can seem as harmless as being too busy to make Him our priority. It can result from allowing other plans to crowd out our call to "remember Him", neglecting to collectively gather in our places of worship. And it can even be as simple as allowing people we love, to take a place before Him. Alcohol, drugs, materialism, and sex can take His place. We allow so many things to replace Him. And yet- He will come after us, just as He promises (Deuteronomy 31:6).
While I personally dislike the feeling of another person chasing me, His pursuit is a comfort. As a kid, I hated the feeling of one of my siblings chasing me down the stairs. Never did my feet move faster than having one of them chase me on that staircase. But when God chases us, it isn't to scare us, it's to rescue us. He is chasing me for my benefit, while my siblings chased me for their fun. It often stings, and feels painful as He convicts us to turn back to Him, but we know that in His presence there is peace and safety, and no reason for fear.
When we are caught by our Pursuer, we wonder why we ever left. There is nothing like the comfort found in the presence of our Father. As little children, we craved the presence of our earthly parents, and the security they offered us. God is the only perfect Parent, and in His presence, we don't only feel secure, we are secure. If you're a child of God, and you've wandered, know that He will pursue you. My brother specifically prayed that God would relentlessly pursue my husband. We have power in praying the same for any we love that have strayed from the Father, and from us. Don't ever doubt His ability to pursue and restore. Just as scripture paints the picture of Him as our Shepherd, seeking the lost, He also seeks those who have lost their way. While we often want to do the pursuing ourselves, why not leave it to the Master? "Father, exercise our faith in You, by showing Your power in bringing the wanderers back to the fold!"
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12 ESV
Heavenly Father, we thank You for pursuing us, time and time again. Your faithfulness to us is humbling, and we are so thankful You never give up on us. For those we love who may be wandering, we pray Your convicting Spirit will lead them back. In the name of Jesus, we pray, Amen!
In my last post, I discussed lies and betrayal. But behind the lies is a mountain of guilt. You may or may not know how this feels. I can tell you that even though it stemmed from my own choices and behavior, it feels terrible. Guilt manifested itself in many different behaviors for me, but the biggest one that stands out is withdrawal.
It's a vicious cycle, with lying. You lie, you feel guilty and withdraw. It was a behavior pattern for me that not only I could see, but my wife could as well. The lies between us caused me to withdraw from her. I was careful not to stay too close to her, or even any other family members, because I was sadly worried about receiving texts from the other woman, and upsetting them. And so I avoided my wife and my own family.
I was staying with my sister during much of the past year, and I lied to her as well. My sister is a good woman- God-fearing, and not afraid to speak her opinion. And so I lied to her about my whereabouts, and what I was up to. I didn't want her to question me, or voice her disapproval. I tried to stay out of the house most of the time I knew she would be home or awake. By doing so, I could avoid any probing questions or feeling like I needed to lie about my life and relationships.
I also withdrew from lifelong friends. This hurts me to think on as well, because they were people that sought to lead me to a better place, and I knew it. But by avoiding them, I felt I wasn't being put in a position to feel like I needed to lie to cover up the reality of my life. They would send me texts for requests to get together, and I avoided returning them most of the time. I was ducking out on the people I had cared the most about in life, because I didn't know what I wanted to do, and didn't want to hear what I knew they would tell me.
Some nights I would lie awake at night and feel so convicted of my behavior, and others I would immediately crash from the exhaustion of worrying about all of it. But God never stopped speaking to me, and He kept pursuing me. I could run from friends and family, but there is only so long He will let us run from Him. Any time we allow ourselves to withdraw from God, we are in trouble. His faithfulness to us will never allow it to be the other way around. So many times I knew He had every right to turn His back on me, and Satan tried to remind me of that lie. But it is against His character, and opposes a love for me that I don't deserve or understand.
If you are on my side of infidelity, you can likely relate to the feelings of guilt and withdrawal, and if you're on the other side, I hope it gives you a window into the ways Satan uses our sin to manipulate our thought pattern. He finds a way to use it so we feel unable to make things right, and continue in our destructive ways. I am so thankful to a God, and a woman that never stopped believing in the Spirit's ability to change me, and for faithful love towards an unfaithful man.
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 ESV
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. James 1:14 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your faithful pursuit of me. No matter how much I withdrew from You or my loved ones, You never withdrew from me. In the quiet of the night, I could hear You calling out to me. In the chaos of the day, I heard Your whispers. Thank You, Lord for Your undeserved faithfulness to sinful me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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