A Special Gift

It was Christmas morning, and the girl's loving father had really gone all out for her. With a real cost to his strict budget, he had splurged and had the most beautiful wooden rocking horse made for his daughter. With pinks and purples and touches of gold, it was a real work of art. It was the very best he could do for her, and he couldn't wait for Christmas morning. His wife had taken great care to wrap it in the prettiest paper she could find—tiny little unicorns wearing Santa hats. They got up early, anticipating her reaction, and waited on her to come out for her big Christmas surprise.

The little girl could hardly sleep. She hoped and wished with all of her being that she would get her dream pony. She had whispered her wish while sitting on Santa's lap, and now the moment had come. She ran from her room to look under the tree. Her parents were up waiting for her, and her eyes sparkled with excitement. Her parents sat waiting for her to pull open the paper and ribbon, their hearts so happy to sacrifice what they could almost not afford, to make their little girl smile. But as she tore open the paper and wrapping to see the little wooden horse, her eyes filled with tears and she tossed aside the gift with disappointment and sadness. This was no pony—it was not what she asked for. The parents were so sad as they realized their best gift for her was not what she wanted—the little girl was simply not satisfied.

If you are like me, you may think this little one needs a huge attitude adjustment, and you would be correct in your way of thinking. But if you look a little closer, you may see yourselves in her. I know I do. Because my Heavenly Father has given me spiritual gifts, and even though He generously gave them, I am often guilty of tossing them aside and not using them. Do you think our Father gave us gifts He didn't intend for us to use? How pointless that would be, and He does nothing without a clear purpose. 

Some of you may wonder what your spiritual gifts are, and if that's you, there are several great passages of scripture to refer to. If you really want to discover them through His Word, read 1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12 and Ephesians 4. While some may have more gifts than others, everyone who comes to know Christ as their Savior has been given at least one. Whether it's mercy, serving, leadership, discernment, giving, or one of the many others, there are various gifts He gives us—special to each one of us. It may also be helpful to ask someone else what they believe your gift is. Oftentimes, if it's being used, it's also being noticed by others.

Can you imagine, though, opening the gifts He gives us in the same manner this little girl opened her rocking horse? To be completely honest though, we often are like her. He has taken great care to generously give us our gift(s), and we often dismiss them as being unimportant or undesirable. We wanted something else—something we believed to be better for us. Do you think our Heavenly Father is also disappointed and hurt by our lack of care for our spiritual gifts, just like the Dad from our illustration? I would imagine it does disappoint Him and shows our lack of love and care for what He has given to us.

The flip side is that we also miss out when we pass over our spiritual gifts. There are certain gifts that God has uniquely given to me, and when I use them, they bring me purpose and joy. If I've been given the gift of hospitality and then stop inviting people over, I'm not exercising my gift, and ignoring the work God has for me to do through my spiritual gift. I may say I would prefer the gift of leadership, and when I try to force my way into leading, it won't be done with the same purpose or ability, because it isn't meant for me. 

What a waste it would be if this little girl never played with her beautiful wooden horse. The purpose of the horse—her enjoyment, would be lost if she didn't actually accept her gift and use it. Our gifts have been given with intentionality. There is a purpose behind each one and our usefulness in kingdom work is directly impacted by our willingness to know our gifts, and to use them to serve. Let's be mindful of exercising the gifts our loving God has given us—understanding that it will be a blessing to others, and will in turn, bring joy to our Heavenly Father as we serve Him.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace (1 Peter 4:10, ESV):

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:4, ESV);

All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills (1 Corinthians 12:11, ESV).

Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, (1 Corinthians 14:1a, ESV)...

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for giving us gifts—gifts we should be using to fulfill our purpose in the body of Christ. Help us to identify them, and then be willing to exercise these gifts and not forget the work You've fitted us for. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Coming After Us

     I am a beach girl at heart, and a few weeks ago, we were blessed to enjoy a week along the breathtaking beaches of Florida's gulf coast. Vacation gives you some extra thinking time, which I love, and time, in general, to slow down, connect, and relax. While wading through the beautiful crystal waters of Panama City Beach (highly recommended beach to put on your bucket list), I was talking to my daughter and my niece about the pursuit of God. All of us had the enormous blessing of being raised in a family that taught us all about Him since our earliest memories, so we didn't have to look long and hard to find Him. But an amazing truth that stood out to me, is that even if I hadn't been raised this way, He would have pursued me- just like He pursues each one of us.
     One of the most precious promises I have personally witnessed Him keep, is that He pursues His wandering children. In times of my rebellion, He chased after me. And when my husband wandered away from Him, and into a relationship with another woman, He pursued him as well. As Christians, this promise gets us through those painful times of life, when we feel the sting of separation between us and God, or a loved one who is away from not only us- but God as well. We know that He is a God that pursues those who have fallen away, and need rescued, because we have witnessed it in our own lives.

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     All of us will, at some point, allow a separation between us and our Heavenly Father. Whether it is intentional or not, it happens. It can seem as harmless as being too busy to make Him our priority. It can result from allowing other plans to crowd out our call to "remember Him", neglecting to collectively gather in our places of worship. And it can even be as simple as allowing people we love, to take a place before Him. Alcohol, drugs, materialism, and sex can take His place. We allow so many things to replace Him. And yet- He will come after us, just as He promises (Deuteronomy 31:6).
     While I personally dislike the feeling of another person chasing me, His pursuit is a comfort. As a kid, I hated the feeling of one of my siblings chasing me down the stairs. Never did my feet move faster than having one of them chase me on that staircase. But when God chases us, it isn't to scare us, it's to rescue us. He is chasing me for my benefit, while my siblings chased me for their fun. It often stings, and feels painful as He convicts us to turn back to Him, but we know that in His presence there is peace and safety, and no reason for fear. 
     When we are caught by our Pursuer, we wonder why we ever left. There is nothing like the comfort found in the presence of our Father. As little children, we craved the presence of our earthly parents, and the security they offered us. God is the only perfect Parent, and in His presence, we don't only feel secure, we are secure. If you're a child of God, and you've wandered, know that He will pursue you.  My brother specifically prayed that God would relentlessly pursue my husband. We have power in praying the same for any we love that have strayed from the Father, and from us. Don't ever doubt His ability to pursue and restore. Just as scripture paints the picture of Him as our Shepherd, seeking the lost, He also seeks those who have lost their way. While we often want to do the pursuing ourselves, why not leave it to the Master? "Father, exercise our faith in You, by showing Your power in bringing the wanderers back to the fold!"

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12 ESV

Heavenly Father, we thank You for pursuing us, time and time again. Your faithfulness to us is humbling, and we are so thankful You never give up on us. For those we love who may be wandering, we pray Your convicting Spirit will lead them back. In the name of Jesus, we pray, Amen!




     

New Year's Eve, 2018

     How do you celebrate New Year's Eve? Do you have certain traditions that you enjoy carrying out with your loved ones? Most of us have our family traditions that surround holidays, and we look forward to them with anticipation. Because really- holidays are about family, and being with the people we love. And that's all well and good until we find ourselves in the middle of a broken marriage.
     For many years, our family has celebrated New Year's Eve the same way. We go to my sister's house around 7pm. We eat (too much), we play games, we visit, we watch the ball drop on TV, and we bring in the New Year with loud kazoos, kisses, sparkling cider, and fireworks. These are fireworks well outside of the acceptable for midnight range - especially in their neighborhood, but so far- no cops;) It's a night of family, fun, food and lots of laughs. 
     This year, though, I didn't really have many laughs. I dreaded going, to be honest, because a big part of my New Year's Eve had been wrapped around the one who gave me my midnight kiss- and he was painfully absent. I didn't want to go, and yet I felt I had to resume some sort of normalcy. I was faced with many possible New Year's Eves, and I needed to start trying to find a new way of life on my own. My mom was a great listening ear that night, and understood if I wanted to leave, I could leave. I appreciated her caring, unselfish ways that night- I sure needed someone to understand.
     My real issue wasn't the 7:00-11:59 part of the evening- it was the 12:00 on the nose, part of the evening that I dreaded. And so around 11:30, I made my exit and just wanted to bring in the New Year in my home. I wanted to sit on my couch, watch the ball drop, and use the time to pray for new beginnings. I had been checking on my husband's location (he still shared his), and I knew he was celebrating far away from home and it hurt.
     These are days when we especially need our Heavenly Father. In a way that I had never needed him prior to our marriage crisis, I was learning to really know the truth of His faithfulness, and He never let me down. Maybe you've known Him in this same way, and you were amazed and humbled at the love of our precious Father. I can tell you- it meant all the difference to me! It was life to my weary, sad heart, and gave such comfort in those dark days. But what I didn't know was that God was preparing the way for a miracle in my life. While I knew He was able, I had no expectations for what was ahead anymore- other than to know that no matter what... He STILL had good plans for me. Wherever you are today, don't lose sight of that wonderful truth found in Jeremiah 29:11. The good plans are there- and in His time, they will come. Be patient in tribulation, my Friend, trusting He is faithful to His Word. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV
Trust in the LORD will all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, when we face hard life events or holidays without a loved one, we are so thankful for Your help and comfort through those times. A big part of faith is knowing that on our darkest days, You will bring us back to a place of joy and hope. The process won't be painless or easy, but we trust You to carry us through. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Feeling Vulnerable

     It feels pretty awful to feel vulnerable when it comes to your own spouse. It's a byproduct of not being able to trust them and feeling at risk. Things I had never considered before were now a reality for me. All of the years that I explicitly trusted him were now a thing of the past. New things went through my mind that i had never thought of before.
     I've always been an open book with my husband (and most other people as well). I never had anything to hide or feel like it should be tucked away. I changed my laptop passwords and my cell phone password frequently. Because I sought advice from others, and wrote about my feelings in journal posts on my laptop, I felt a need to protect those words from my husband coming across them. I had notes written with monthly budget amounts in case I faced an attorney someday over a request for a divorce. All of these I wanted to hide from any curious eyes.
     It also causes vulnerability to feel that you have no clue about what decisions are floating around in their mind. They may be using time for financial planning that protects them, and pulls the rug out from under you. In my situation, he was the sole provider, and I was at the mercy of what would happen if our marriage ended. And while you have attorney's advice on what can be done to protect yourself, it still feels awful to not know what steps they are taking on their end. 
     These are feelings that shouldn't exist inside of a God-centered marriage, and yet they were my daily reality for quite a long time. If you know these feelings, you understand the insecurity they cause, and how it can be frustrating and angering to experience them. But no matter what my marriage situation was, I had to remind myself that my future didn't sit on my husband's shoulders, but rather in the mighty hands of my Heavenly Father. He would protect me, no matter what I faced- He would provide for me because He is always faithful. I never have to worry about myself when I'm under His wings, and I can't outrun His hand of protection and provision. It was those thoughts that kept me grounded and sane when fear crept in, and made me feel vulnerable and uncertain. There was always the knowledge of God's care over me, and He spoke it to my bruised and wounded spirit. No matter what you face, friend, if you belong to Him, there is no reason to fear. There is no situation too big for Him, and He reminds us through His Word that nothing is too hard for Him. 

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who hate you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:27-31 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for always protecting me and looking out for my own good. It is scary and unsettling to feel vulnerable in a bad way, and I'm so thankful You are with me in those times as well. Help any others who are facing those feelings today, and remind them of Your steadfast love and care. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Social Withdrawal

     For as far back as I can remember, I have been a very social person. I love get togethers, talking with friends and family, coffee with a friend, or going somewhere with a group of people. Being alone has its place, but I like it in small doses (and in broad daylight;). I have never been accused of being a loner or recluse, but when our marriage faced infidelity and my husband left, I changed.
     I don't know if it's "normal" or considered customary in cases of separation and infidelity, but I know that for me, I socially withdrew. I had no clue what to say to people, and I didn't want to face their questions or pity. Somedays I handled it better than others, but other days I wanted to lock myself in my room for the entire day. Initially, I would sit on my couch for hours and wonder how this happened. I would read my Bible for hours on end and journaled verses that I found especially helpful. On my couch, I felt safer, and my family teased me about getting up, and out. 
     If you have been betrayed by your spouse, and were separated, you may know what I experienced. It was completely out of character for me, yet it was my unique way of trying to deal with a situation I never imagined would be mine. In many ways, it was an avoidance of enjoying life and moving forward. I felt so sad and heartbroken that I had little interest in doing things that used to bring me joy. Such a big part of who I had been for the past 25 years was wrapped up in my husband, and who we were together. Learning to be separate from "us" was difficult, and it was hard for me to find my way.
     While I avoided family functions, conversations with mutual friends in the grocery store, and other social situations, I found immense comfort in drawing close to the Lord. I felt Him with me, and I craved His soothing presence. Even though I felt alone in many ways, I was vividly aware of how He was present with me. It wasn't that I didn't have people that sat on my couch with me, because I did. My sister, daughter, and niece or nephew spent many hours of many days and evenings on it with me. But moving out of my safety zone was difficult for the first 6 months or so. Eventually, with the encouragement of others, and prodding from the Spirit, I was able to slowly come out of my social withdrawal, and begin the process of finding who I was, without him. The more I came out amongst others, the more I saw how many of us there were. And God began opening my heart to see my situation as a ministry of sorts. If you have been called to walk a difficult road in your life, look around you. There are those who are hurting, and need encouragement, a listening ear, and a friend. Our ministry as christians, is to reach out to those around us with a need. We have been given a unique opportunity to use our journey through a situation, as a way to show others the hope found in our Heavenly Father. And each of you that needed me, well- I thank you for helping me along my own path to healing, and restoring my "social butterfly" status!  

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 ESV
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24 ESV
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me." Isaiah 6:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for helping me overcome social withdrawal. I thank You as well for sending those who encouraged me in my darkest times. I pray that You will give me a heart of compassion for those who have walked my journey, and offer them the hope I found in You. Help me to see the needs of others who are searching for answers, and may I always direct them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Counting my Blessings

     When life borders on the miserable side, it's helpful to back up, and make a mental note of what I am grateful for. As a human, I tend to dwell on the negative issues I am facing, and fail to appreciate the positives. As Christians, we are encouraged to embrace our trials, recognizing their ability to draw us closer to Christ, but my flesh often gets in the way.
     My brain was saturated with my situation, and what the outcome would be. I worried about my husband, I struggled with insecurities, I feared the future, I wondered about finances, I felt for my children, and I wished for a different life journey. I felt anger at times, and frustration at other times. I longed for the second coming of Christ in a new way- a way to escape this mess. I cried often, I prayed fervently, I hoped and pleaded. This was my way of life for longer than I wished. Living in this state is not experiencing the joy the Lord offers us- a joy that is not dependent on our circumstances. 
     If you are walking in the more difficult areas of your life story, join me in looking for the many blessings we have, despite the heartache and pain. I have so many blessings, and I don't want to miss them, even amidst hard times. I don't want to live a life lacking thankfulness for the good things I am given, because I am too focused on the harder things. 
     When I step back, and look at my whole life picture, the painful parts of my story are much shorter than the joyful moments. Yes, the painful parts will forever change me, and I pray they change me for the better. I know that God will use those experiences to allow me opportunities to reach in and help others, that will walk similar roads. And honestly, that is also a blessing. 
     We will all feel heartaches and disappointments in life, from time to time. But if we can, in those moments, look to the One Who has blessed us in other areas, we can take a little breath and thank our Heavenly Father for the things we are able to enjoy. It doesn't make the pain go away, and it often doesn't change our circumstances- but it can change our perspective! I want a perspective that focuses on the good things He has given me, and the promises He has made. I can remind myself of the truth found in Jeremiah 29:11- He has GOOD plans for me! 

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, Psalm 103:2 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, Ephesians 1:3 ESV
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, when my days are hard and painful, help me to look for the good You have given me. Focusing on the heartache and pain is exhausting and steals my energy and joy. Help me literally count my blessings, and remember to thank You for them. You have been so good to me, and I am thankful. Give me a grateful heart, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     
     

Hands

     I remember, as a new mom, looking at my son's hands and wondering what their history would be. What would they do? Who would they touch? What would they feel? Would they be loving hands, or hurt others? These were my thoughts as his little fingers gripped mine. Hands physically connect us to others, and his tiny hands were precious to me.
     I've always loved my husband's hands. They feel like a man- they tell a story of hard work and care. They fix things, they create, they instruct, and they please. They are much bigger than mine, and my hand felt safe and secure in his. But when I discovered his unfaithfulness, his hands told a story I didn't like. They now included deceit and I wondered many of the same things about them that I had wondered about my son's tiny hands. What had they done? Where had they been? Who had they touched? These thoughts wounded my spirit.
     I could choose to get stuck in that negative thought pattern, or I could take a good look at my own hands. What is their history? Who have they hurt? While my hands have often been loving, they have also been unkind. As a kid, these hands hurt my siblings. My hands have touched things they had no business touching. My hands have neglected the needs of others. My hands are also guilty of a less than upstanding history. 
     This draws me to think of another pair of hands- hands that have scars. These scars tell a story of sacrifice and love beyond comprehension. They were the only hands that have no history of sin, yet they had nails cruelly placed in them. They were hands that healed others, fed the hungry, embraced children, and reached out to any that would come. They never hurt. They were hands that were full of compassion, and they stretched out in love on that cross of Calvary. 
     I look at my own hands now- dirty with sin, and I am thankful for those scarred hands. For in them, He washes the dirt from mine, and gives me hands that are clean before the Father. While my hands have a history of sin, through His precious sacrifice, they are clean.  No matter what they have done, before our Savior, the dirt of sin is washed away with His blood. This helps me to look at the hands of others with new eyes- eyes that see His ability to erase the sin history of our hands, and give us hands willing to serve Him. Thank You Lord, for forgetting the sins of my past, and giving me a future full of grace, and fresh starts. 

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8 ESV
Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven: Lamentations 3:41 ESV
Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the LORD! Psalm 134:2 ESV
Let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! Psalm 90:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help my hands to be busy with Your work. Help me to look at my own hands, and what they have done, rather than looking at the hands of others. May my hands be kind, gentle, useful and compassionate. While my history holds disappointment, my future is full of opportunity. May my best days of service start today. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Where I'm Setting my Mind

     I love big, and I love many. My husband, my kids, my family and friends hold my heart in a big way. I love to do things for them- cook their favorite meals, surprise them with something from Target, or send little texts that remind them of my love. I love things too- food (sadly), places (tropical), my Explorer, a good massage (Gayla- you're the best), and a good book. My laptop is awesome, and I'm a big fan of my own bed. I love my house, and I enjoy going out on our boat. But things are always less important than my people. 
     I put a lot of myself into the people I love. I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of them, doing things for them, and loving them. And I like to take care of the things I love- keep them safe, clean and enjoy them. I love each person, and to a lesser degree, each thing- but they shouldn't be what I set my affection on. While my marriage was important, it should have taken its proper place after my affection for Jesus Christ.
     The world, including me, gets a lot of things backwards. We have a "me first" attitude, and it causes us to live selfishly, instead of selflessly. Healthy marriages aren't built on selfishness. When I put my own wants and needs first, my marriage won't thrive. And even if I put my husbands wants and needs first, while our marriage will be better, it won't be the best it could be. But when I put Jesus in the proper place of priority, our marriage has the best chance of being the best that it can be. 
     This scripture should be my motto for life: Set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 ESV. If I give my Heavenly Father the proper place of authority in my life, all my other relationships will be better- healthier, and more satisfying. When I live and love according to the principles found in scripture, my marriage will benefit. When I look back over the past, I can see where I allowed my priorities to be out of order. While it is natural for a mother to love her kids ahead of herself, if I love the Lord more than them, I will be a better mom. If I love Jesus more than my husband, I will be a better wife. He must be first, and I should be last- loving others more than I love myself. This is the way Jesus lived, and loves. He loved me so much that He gave His life for me. I didn't deserve this love from Him, and yet He chose to give it to me anyway. When I love like Jesus did, every relationship I have will be much better. So I encourage each of you to love Him first, and others next. When you do, you will be amazed at the way it will enrich your relationships, and draw you closer to our precious Savior.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESV
He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30 ESV
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to properly prioritize my life, and my relationships. You should always come first, Lord, and yet I often fail to give you the prominence in my life that You deserve. Forgive me for my selfish ways, and help me to live and love like You did. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!