The Foolish Pursuit of Me

     Sometimes life is hard because I want my own way and I forget about serving others. The popular way of the world is to make myself happy, and to be honest, I often buy into this mindset, even while having the best of intentions not to. I want it all- that perfect husband, perfect life, and perfect marriage, and since that can never happen in an imperfect world, I can find myself discouraged and restless. Have you been there, friend? Do you often find yourself doing more wishing than being simply grateful for what is?
     There isn't a better time than now to do a little soul searching in life. Amid the chaos and unrest resulting from Covid19, we've been given something many of us normally run short on- time to reflect. While we won't have a normal Easter this coming weekend, the basic truths of why we celebrate it can't be changed by circumstances. And when I think of the cost of my own spiritual freedom and eternal life, I feel ashamed of this constant pursuit of wanting. Because at the core of my spirit, I am honestly never truly satisfied when I'm hungering for things of this world. I'll never have enough. I'll always yearn for more if I lose sight of this simple truth: only Christ can satisfy. 
     It's not wrong to have dreams and goals. It's not wrong to want a better life for our family. It's not wrong to want a home and a good marriage. But it is wrong to make my life about pursuing "things" over pursuing Jesus. And if I'm honest, I often find myself failing here. I find myself feeling jealous of people that can travel the world, wear a size zero (like, does that mean they don't exist?), live on the tropical shores of the Caribbean, and never worry about bills. This part of me isn't who I wish to be, and it shows a lack of gratefulness for the blessings God has given me! 
     And so it's time for me to do a little focus shifting, as I think of the sacrifice of Jesus at Calvary. He went willingly to the cross to die for my sins. He suffered and paid the price in order to redeem me. He laid down His own life out of a love greater than any I could ever understand. And on the third day, He rose from the dead- claiming victory over the grave. And then, then.. He asks us to remember Him. To serve Him. And He taught us how to do that as He washed the dirty feet of His disciples. We can serve Him when we serve others. And that's where I often get turned around in life, because I'm serving me instead of my husband. I'm serving me over my church family. I want my own way instead of His way. And that's not how it's supposed to be.
     If you're possibly also struggling at times in life to feel truly satisfied, the answers are likely the same- we are too focused on ourselves to appreciate what we have already been given. And I'll be the first to say I'm ashamed that it's true of me. So today, I'll choose to see the great things I have: a loving, caring, hard-working husband. Kids that love me and love Jesus. A home that while beautiful on the outside, is also a warm and inviting place to hang my hat. And this is just a smaller part of the countless blessings I enjoy. But the biggest blessing of all is what we are about to celebrate- my own redemption from what our Lord accomplished at Calvary. When I slow down and take time to really reflect, I'm much less restless and so much more thankful. I realize how easily I get sucked into the mentality of our world, and I feel shame. Dear Jesus, help me to have eyes that see like You see. A heart that loves and serves like You did. Because when I do, I'll see the beauty all around me, and forsake the foolish pursuit of satisfying myself. 

Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. 1 Corinthians 10:24 (ESV)
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9 (ESV)
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, forgive me for so often seeking to satisfy my own flesh and desires, and miss the blessings You have given me. Help me to learn from Your own example, the life of serving others. May I remember, each day, how satisfaction will never be found outside of You. In Your name I pray, Amen!

Let Go, But Don't Give up Hope!

     I recently posted a blog about letting go, and how it was a lesson I had to learn. Apparently, feeling in control was very important to me and I was pretty challenged in learning to let go, and truly allow God to do His work. But I can tell you for certain, when my husband left that second time I felt defeated- I had surely lost the fight for my marriage. It sure looked that way, but I was trusting God to somehow carry me through to the "new" that He had for me.
     And that is where hope came in. I had placed hope in a restored husband and restored marriage, instead of placing my hope in Jesus Christ. My challenge was learning to place my hope in the plans He had for me- whatever they were. I had to believe that the plans ahead would someday, somehow, bring healing and joy. I had to believe that He loved me and would heal my heart and restore my brokenness. And I also had to believe that in some way, it was possible that my marriage wasn't over- but only if He opened the door. But in this moment, I had to let go and wait expectantly for the good He had planned for me.
     If you are walking through a valley, don't give up hope. Some days will look dark and nearly impossible to overcome, and yet God is able in every situation. When I got to this point in my journey, God quickly moved to throw open doors I never imagined. But that door didn't open until I let Him take over. We struggle with allowing God to take control of our lives and think we know better. God forgive me for my foolish ways of thinking! 
     One of my favorite promises found in scripture is found in 1 Peter 5:10. (And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.) Brothers and sisters, we are going to suffer trials in our lives: it's unavoidable living in am imperfect world. But we won't stay there forever! This scripture promises that after a little while, the God of grace will restore us once again. If we can wrap our minds around that truth in the valley, we can look forward with hope, knowing the mountaintop awaits us- and very soon, He will place us there! God, I thank You for delivering me from my distress, and for faithfully upholding Your precious promises to me! 

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 ESV
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:25 ESV
For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5 ESV
Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray I will let You have control in my life, and that I will never lose hope in Your promises to me. Thank You for walking me through my darkest days, and for victoriously leading me out into the "new" You have for me. Strengthen my trust and faith in You always, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Warning Label

     What if God gave us warning labels ahead of our sin, to help us more clearly see the disastrous result of our poor choices? Do you think we would proceed with what we wanted to do if we had a clearer picture of what our choice would cost? I think we may look at our sin differently, but I also think we get stuck in a selfish pattern of wanting what we want, regardless of what God has to say about it. This past summer, I wrote an article through a counseling exercise regarding a warning label for my husband's infidelity. I wanted to share a little of it, even though we find it painful to read now:

"You will feel disappointed with things as you get to be middle-aged. Did I do all the things I wanted to do before I was old? You’ll feel like you missed out on things you deserved and you’ll begin forgetting about Me, and about her. You’ll believe you are an exception to the rule and will be able to handle some harmless flirtation. The other guys do it, why can’t you? Who will know, and who would find out? You’ll stuff down My voice and My Word will get dog hair and dust on the cover. Flirtation will turn a little more serious, and you’ll ignore My warnings. You’ll lie to your wife and the people you love and care about. You’ll call her on your way home from work each day and build a relationship you have no business building. You’ll build all around your lust, and your family I blessed you with will fall like shattered glass. You will fail them. You won’t be there for them the way they always thought you would be. You’ll tell them lies about where you are and what you are doing and you’ll try not to hear Me.  You were once respected by all who knew you, but your lustful choices will bring you down. You are broken and weak and you still won’t listen to My voice. You will walk away from your family and leave your wife and children feeling vulnerable. You will destroy what was, with your selfish ways and insensitivity, but your focus is on yourself now. I warned you from the start that you had no business going down this path, but you didn’t listen to Me. You wanted your way. You can turn back and make things right, but you must love Me more than anyone- including yourself. Satan sent this woman- not Me. You forget the good plans I have for you and you will never find happiness serving your selfish desires. Had you read this warning label before you started down this road, would you have chosen differently? My love is for you, and I call to you still. Will you listen? I love you, My son, and I always will. Turn back to Me, and let Me show you the path to true joy and happiness." 

     When I found this the other day, I was struck with how good God is! Just like a loving parent, He speaks and urges us to listen. He longs to forgive us and offer grace when we ignore our warning labels- and I am guilty. If God is warning you today, friend, about a particular struggle you are facing, take time to really think it through and count the cost. 

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 ESV

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Galatians 6:7-8 ESV

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 14:12 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for how often I ignore Your voice whispering words of wisdom in the face of my foolish, sinful choices. How thankful I am for Your wonderful grace- so undeserved yet such a gift. Help me to listen closer to Your voice, and to stay actively engaged in Your Word to protect from Satan's targets against me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!