Lies We've Been Sold

I stood in front of my mirror the other morning and actually felt a little disgusted with myself. I blame Covid quarantine, but the truth is—it's rooted far deeper than that excuse. A little extra weight, gray roots and cellulite were enough to bring me frustration and a feeling of discontentment. We can't seem to see beyond the exterior, no matter how hard we wish we all could. "She's nice though", they say, which means she's lacking in less important ways. Does all of this resonate with you, or have you not "heard" what's expected of us—or so we've been disillusioned to believe?

The truth is, we've bought into the lies of Hollywood. It doesn't matter if I'm 50 because 50 is now the new 30. Really? Tell that to my body. If you aren't slim, dressed well, tan and have beautiful teeth and hair, you don't measure up. In fact, we have the audacity to say things like: "you could hardly blame him" when we lose the attention of our spouse. Do you know how ridiculous that statement is?  

This lie transfers to our relationships. There are those who choose a circle of friends that look a certain way or act a certain way—attractive and affluent. These relationships are often built on things that have no real lasting value and crumble when faced with adversity. The same is true of marriages. If they were based solely on looks and sexual attraction, they were built on a faulty foundation and won't be able to stand the test of hardship and the realities of life.

Who has ever thought their life would be better if they only looked better? There is a whole retail world full of proof that this is a common vein of thought. The fitness industry is also proof that we are a people who suffer greatly from insecurity. Yes—exercise is important, but oftentimes the sad reality is that we've bought into the perception that being fit is required for being loved and valued. So how do we combat the lies we've bought into and free ourselves from them? 

I'm going to share with you what God has to say about us, but understand that I'm in no way presenting to you that I'm free of insecurity myself. It's crazy to me how I can listen to the lies of Hollywood but refuse to believe the truth of my Creator. When I think of it that way, it honestly makes no sense. But on those days you may struggle yourself, with unwanted weight, thinning hair, wrinkles, or whatever it is you dislike about yourself (because we all have things we don't like), we can find comfort in God's Word. In It, we won't find condemnation for falling short of the world's standards; we will only find we are deeply loved and treasured by God.

First off—we are reminded from God's Word that outward beauty is not where it's at. Beauty fades and oftentimes produces vanity. What God sees as beauty is found inside of us. We may think to ourselves, "well, that won't get me married" but marrying someone based on our looks won't satisfy us or build a relationship that will last. What God sees as beautiful has to do with our hearts and our response to serving and loving Him. Here are a few scriptures that prove this truth:

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30)."

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4)."

I'm not sure about you, but I know for me, one of the joys of Heaven will be the relief found in laying aside the pressures of this world's standards. None of it will matter anymore, and none of what I invested myself in for furthering my outward beauty will follow me there. What will matter will be my inner beauty—or absence of it. Some of the most insecure people are those who seem to have everything on the outside but are empty inside. Let's make building up treasure in Heaven a greater goal than the effort we put in looking attractive on the outside.

For women especially, body image is a real struggle. We measure ourselves against 3-5% of the population considered "beautiful". The reality is, most of us don't fall into that tiny slice of the pie, but in God's eyes, all of that doesn't matter. What does matter is my heart. I hope, like me, you can remember these things when you have a morning where you feel overly critical of your flaws. I hope it helps you see yourself through God's eyes and releases you from the lies we've bought into. I hope that today, you remember how loved and treasured you are, and how you are made in the very image of God. 

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to see beyond the exterior and see what really matters in ourselves and in others. The world lies to us. Satan lies to us. But in You, we are loved and treasured. Thank You, Father, for that wonderful truth. In Your name we pray, Amen!

She's Prettier Than Me

     Comparison. The thief of self-confidence. The lurking doubt in our mind that we don't measure up. Women are notorious at playing this game, and it steals our joy and confidence. Men play it too, but they are known to give themselves a pass far sooner than we are. We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to our appearance. While we know as fact that we are created a masterpiece, in the image of God, our hearts lack the knowledge that this is actual truth.
     These are the words of our enemy, and they are likely present in your mind, no matter how aesthetically pleasing your features are:
She is prettier than I am.
I don't like my ______.
I would look better if only _____.
I would be more accepted if I ______.
Trust me. I know these phrases, because I've heard them over and over again in my own spirit. They hurt, and they cause fear, doubt and uncertainty. If you've been betrayed or rejected, they are louder than they ever were in the past. We all hear them though, so what do we do about it?
     It is absolutely true that God looks on the inward appearance, and finds our value there. But sadly, we live in a world that looks on the outside first, and then decides our value. It's a backward culture, but one we must learn to live in with a measure of confidence. Over-confidence is another subject altogether, and one we often link to vanity and narcissism. So what is the balance we hope to embrace, as children of God? How do we live with a sense of confidence that God made us beautiful, and accept that as truth with a humble spirit?
     If I claimed to have all the answers, I would be lying- because I still wrestle with these whispered words that cause self-doubt. I look in the mirror and notice my faults much more than any other physical feature I possess. So I write this to myself- and not just to you! If you're married, it's important to make an effort to look your best, but it's also important to know they love you when you look your worst. Yet the hardest reality we face is that we often feel less attractive, due to our opinion of someone we believe to be more attractive than we are. Women often allow this to cause feelings of insecurity and jealousy, especially in the face of sexual betrayal.
     If you are married or in a relationship, I want to encourage you to build up your partner. We have tremendous power to squelch the feelings of insecurity in our spouse by our words and actions. Another valuable resource we have to combat insecurity is to see what God has to say about us in His Word. God would not send His only Son to die for someone He deemed worthless. We know from scripture that God doesn't love us based on our physical appearance- in fact, He is far more interested in our heart. 
     Our beautiful Savior, Jesus, was described as One without majesty or beauty that we should be attracted to Him for His physical appearance (see Isaiah 53). Yet was there ever One more beautiful than our Lord? Real beauty flows from our heart- outpouring into our attitude, presence, words, and actions. And while we live here, we have a distorted view of beauty, failing to recognize the beauty that truly counts. God help us to shed our insecurities and embrace the heart of Your Spirit within us. Help us to turn our eyes from the mirror and instead, fasten them on You. May I, like You, look on the hearts of others, rather than assign worth on physical attributes. Forgive me, Lord, for often being critical of who You created me to be!

Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV)
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 (ESV)
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to remember how You see me- precious and so loved. It's so easy to get sidetracked with beauty and vanity and miss real beauty- the beauty of a heart of loving devotion to You. In Your name I pray, Lord, Amen!

     

The Power of Kindness

She felt defeated- bruised, and down on herself. From being the kid that never did anything that pleased her parents, to feeling like a failure as a wife, her self-esteem was at an all-time low. She found respite in food and tacked on unwanted pounds. This only made her feel worse about herself in the end, even though food gave her short-lived comfort. It didn't matter that she was an excellent mom. It didn't matter that she had a high I.Q. Inside, she was hurting and desperately insecure. Her husband didn't help with his negativity and absence of compliments. Was she seen? Did anyone appreciate her? 

When this woman met Jesus through the pages of a self-help book, she clung to Him with a desperation she never experienced before. He promised her love without conditions. He said she was beautiful—a masterpiece of His making. He told her she had purpose—words she longed to hear. A purpose bigger than mopping the floors and washing clothes. And He taught her about fellowship, friendship, and worship. In time, she found a place that followed Jesus and biblical doctrine. She met people that instantly showed her love and acceptance. She began to flourish under their love, attention, and care. 

It started with God, yes, but it also started with appreciation from others. "Thank you for being so helpful", some would say. "You look beautiful today!" "You are such a blessing to our group, and we are so thankful to have you with us here." Little sentences that took minimal effort, yet they were building up a broken woman. This story is fictional, and in no way represents my own story. However, we all need to be mindful of those who need a word of encouragement. We often won't know the power our words of love will have in someone's life. Don't be stingy with building people up. If you think kind thoughts, just say them!
     

Having dealt with infidelity, I see, and experienced, how security is stripped away as a result of betrayal. I cannot tell you how healing it was to hear kind words from others, and how it bandaged hurtful thoughts placed in my head by none other than Satan. We see it said on social media often: "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." This is such a true statement, and one we need to not only "like", but put into practice. We are given an opportunity countless times a day, to encourage someone. Say the good things you think. Give a hug. Speak to those who visit your place of worship, and make them feel special. Let people know they matter. And in doing so, we are being like Jesus- loving and living to bring joy, peace, and healing to others. So in case you wondered, and need to hear this today- you are treasured. You are beautiful. You are so loved. Never forget that, my friend.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ESV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 ESV
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. Psalm 63:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to really see others with eyes like Yours. Help us to build up one another, and show kindness and appreciation to everyone we meet. Thank You Father, for loving us despite our many failures and shortcomings, and for always making us feel welcome in Your presence. In Your precious name we pray, Amen!

How Infidelity Wounds Body Image

     If there is one thing I am certain of, it is how body image greatly suffers in the face of infidelity. Nothing invalidates us more than being passed over for someone else. The wounds don't quickly disappear, and may be a life struggle. We can seem to feel pretty confident in our looks and who we are, until we are rejected by our spouse. Those who have experienced this, can give me a painful head nod. 
     Rejection is an enemy of body image. We have the best intentions of feeling SELF confident, until it crumbles under the disapproval of our spouse. Never were my eyes more critical of myself than when I was faced with the awful truth of being left for another woman. What is it in me that is lacking, I wondered? Now let me be honest- I had a couple ideas up my sleeve already, since we women are generally pretty hard on ourselves. And since I'm being vulnerable here, I will let you in on my insecurities. 
     My primary insecurity is my loose, motherly stomach. If only it were still firm and flat, then maybe I would not be in this predicament. And where did all this cellulite come from? I used to try so hard to GAIN weight when I was younger. And why must my hair be so thin? I wish it was thick, full and naturally wavy. And if you really take a good look at me, I have a double chin. There- my flaws are out there for all of my blogging stumblers to find. 
     But the more I looked for my faults, the more I found the love of Christ. No matter what faults I saw, He chose me. No matter how many gray hairs I have, He knows each one, and completely accepts me. How shallow of me to question my body image in the face of sexual betrayal. Was my cellulite or double chin to blame for this mess? There is such a relief when we realize that our faults don't justify this kind of behavior. And if our love is based on physical traits, we don't know love. Too often, we fall into the trap of earning love based on sexual appeal and physical features. While it's true that we want to look nice and maintain our appearance for our spouse, it's also true that our love needs much deeper roots than that. 
     If your flaws are deflating you, step back and remember God's thoughts of you. He never holds cellulite or thin hair against us- He is far too busy looking at our hearts. Our culture puts far too much value on the outside appearance, and we miss the heart of those right in front of us. Some hearts are hurting and bruised. Some hearts are hard and lost. We need to really see others for who they are, instead of what they look like. God created you in His image. He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die in our place at Calvary. Don't miss the hearts of those you love, and don't be afraid to show yours to others. We are so much more than a face or a figure. Release your flaws to Him, knowing that we all have them. In the eyes of our Precious Savior, we are treasured beyond measure.

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 ESV
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to remember that You gave your life to spare mine. It's so shallow to be focused on our outward appearance and miss the hearts of those around us. I pray for people to see my heart as well, and I pray that when they do, they will find You there. Thank You for loving me without limitations or conditions, and help me to love others with that same abandon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!