When The World Shakes Around You

A number of years ago, I recall sitting on my couch in the living room when my house began to rattle and shake. Living in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, earthquakes are not common, nor are they quakes that cause significant damage. They fall relatively low on the scale of intensity, but it's a weird and unsettling feeling nonetheless, and one I had never felt before.

Lately, our world is shaking. Earthquakes—yes, but in a very real sense, the world around us is unsettled—full of chaos and frightening events. My heart breaks for Haiti. My spirit feels shaken by the events in Afghanistan. Our country is at war over the handling of Covid19, dividing families and friends. The stock market has been impacted by all of these events causing fear and uncertainty in people's financial welfare. 

Personally, your world may be shaking, too. Maybe it's one of your children facing a terminal illness. Maybe it's your spouse, unfaithful and uncaring. Maybe it's your business—struggling to survive in an unstable economy. Or maybe it's even you—sick and tired of life and the struggles you're facing day after day. The world around you seems to not only be shaking, but tumbling down on top of you.

These feelings aren't new, in fact, they take me back to the early Church believers and the many trials they faced. Persecution was a daily worry. They were well-acquainted with suffering. We read often in Scripture where Paul and other New Testament writers wrote words to encourage them in the midst of these trials. We know from history that these believers faced be-heading, death in the arena by hungry lions, and many other forms of torture and imprisonment. And in the middle of these thoughts my heart is bolstered by these precious words from Scripture—the same words spoken to them many years ago:

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you (1 Peter 5:10)."

"So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name (Acts 5:41)."

"If we endure, we will also reign with Him; if we deny Him, He will also deny us (2 Timothy 2:12)."

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18)."

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4)."

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17),"

Today, if your load is heavy, rest on these words from Scripture. God longs to comfort us in our deepest struggles and offers us His strength to endure to the end. Some days our souls feel so weary and our body is tight with worry, stress or fear. Jesus has great compassion for our feelings and our worries and our shaken world. He calls us to Himself with these beautiful, hope-giving words:

"'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).""

Our world may shake, but if our foundation is built on Jesus, we are safe and secure. He will not be moved or shaken so we can hold onto Him with confidence—no matter what we are facing in this season. May these simple words and thoughts offer comfort and encouragement when your world shakes and threatens to bring you down with it. Hold fast to Jesus, trusting Him to see you through.

RPM

Jesus and a Donkey

 Now when they drew near to Jerusalem and came to Bethphage, to the Mount of Olives, then Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, "Go into the village in front of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her. Untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, you shall say, 'The Lord needs them,' and he will send them at once." This took place to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet saying, "Say to the daughter of Zion, 'Behold, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.'" The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them. They brought the donkey and the colt and put on them their cloaks, and he sat on them. Most of the crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and other cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. And the crowds that went before him and that followed him were shouting, "Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest (Matthew 21:1-9, ESV)!"

The woman rubbed the back of her arm, bloody and bruised from a fall. Frustrated, she gave a look of disgust at the animal that refused to follow her commands. "They really are stubborn animals," she muttered under her breath. Returning the donkey to the barn where she had chosen to board her relatively new purchase, she openly chided him to the manager of the stable. With a smile on his face, and words of patience, he taught her a little about her boy, Carl.

"How long have you had him", he asked? "Just a few months", she replied. "He is as stubborn as their reputation, and doesn't seem to want me to ride him." The older gentlemen explained that it takes about a year of working with a donkey before they are ready to be ridden. And in that span of a year, they need time to get to know their owner so a relationship can be built in order for there to be success. "Donkeys are not so much stubborn as they have a strong sense of self-preservation," he added. Donkeys are great at reading people, and their training, though similar to horse training, can't be rushed. "Be patient with him, and give it time."

Friends—this information about donkeys was taken from research done on these animals. They are not a strange animal you can grab from a post, and hop on their back for a gentle ride down the road—but Jesus did just that. I've read this story often shared on Palm Sunday, never really taking in the miracle that happened on that donkey's back. And yet I have no doubt that it sensed Him as Creator. How privileged this donkey was to carry the King of kings on his back as He made His way into Jerusalem.

It's interesting that Jesus chose a lowly donkey—not a horse. That is, until we stop to think about His purpose. A horse is a creature that usually signifies war, while a donkey signifies peace. When we look at it that way, we know that Jesus is the only true Source of peace, so it was tremendously fitting that He came into the city on a donkey—not a horse. While the events ahead would look anything but peaceful, they were necessary to buy our own peace through His death and resurrection.

This story always touches my heart. At long last, people were praising Him as He entered the city, waving palm branches and laying their garments in the street. It almost seems He is finally embraced for the King He was, but this celebration lasted only one short week, and then the crowd would switch from praise to condemnation. This final ride held significance—it was fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy, and it led Him to a place He would ultimately sacrifice His life for mine. As we look ahead this weekend to all we celebrate in Him—His death and resurrection, may we remember even this simple miracle at the beginning of the story when He climbed on the back of an untrained donkey. 

All creation will worship the LORD. Even the mountains and the trees. He made all things for His glory. "For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands (Isaiah 55:12, ESV). When we consider this, perhaps this simply donkey recognized the One he bore, and was honored to carry his Creator on his humble back. Perhaps he held his head a little higher as he carried the King of kings into the great city of Jerusalem. Just as this donkey was created for this specific purpose, you also have a purpose—while it may not seem as majestic as carrying our King, may we all be obedient to whatever He calls us to. 

The Shame Game

 "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4, NASB)."

Words. They bring pleasure and they spread poison. They wound, hurt and jab. They encourage, comfort and build confidence. In short, they can be used for good and for bad. What we say matters. A lot. Especially the words we say to or about our spouse. In our culture, it's not uncommon to hear women groan about their husbands. "They work too much. They are lazy. They are moody. They are messy. They need to lose weight. They yell too much at the kids." The list can be pretty extensive, yet personalized to the man behind these verbal barbs. And oftentimes they are directed straight to the source, putting him down and bringing "rottenness to his bones".

But I'm guessing this isn't a new problem, as Solomon saw fit to include this statement in the book of Proverbs. And I'm also guessing with the number of wives he had, he experienced plenty of this in his own life (another reason why polygamy is not God's plan for us). And let us remember that nothing was placed in Scripture that God did not want there—after all, it's His Word. And so this statement is important and relevant.

I'll not say that I've never put my own husband down to him, or in front of others, because I would sadly be lying. But as I've gotten older, I've realized how damaging it is to a man—and a marriage, to practice this behavior. It goes completely against the directive found in Ephesians chapter 5, written by the Apostle Paul, to respect our husband. This respect spoken of by Paul is not conditional. This means we respect them whether they have earned it or not. This goes against the modern way of thinking, and challenges us to stretch ourselves and ask God to fill seasons where this may be difficult on our part. 

One way we can show this respect toward our husbands is to refuse to belittle them or put them down. Ever. That doesn't mean that they never need to hear constructive criticism, done the right way. In private. Using kindness. This is one way we can be an excellent crown to our husbands. With my personal opinion removed, it's never biblical or spiritual to engage in an argument in front of other people. Does it happen? Yes. But it's never right or acceptable to do so. And to be quite frank, no one else enjoys being spectators to this either.

And so we can flip the coin on this one, refusing to implant words that lead to rottenness. We can instead choose words that lead to life and joy and bring peace—words that encourage and show respect. We can step into a group of women who may be husband bashing, and say something great about ours—or we can simply walk away, refusing to engage. We can tell our kids things that build him up. Things like, "your dad works very hard to provide for us all." Or, "give Dad some space today because he has had a rough day (even if you think yours was harder than his)." Or maybe even, "dad is so generous toward us, and I'm so thankful for him." 

Our words have great power, as wives. Our men can be built up by them, or torn down. Our kids are witness to our words, and are taking note. What do they see and hear from you? Does it line up with Scripture, and would God be pleased with how you speak to, and about your husband? It's never too late to make improvements in our marriages, and if you feel you have fallen short, make changes starting today. When you do, don't be surprised when you see it transform the man you love. And don't be surprised when in turn, he behaves in a much more loving way toward you. 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us as wives to show respect and speak honorably about our husbands—even when we think they don't deserve it. Open our eyes to how we sometimes bring shame to them with our words, and how it goes against Your design for our marriage. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Power of Rest

 She lay in bed wide awake, her heart slamming in her chest. Her mind literally buzzed with activity. Should she even be in bed, she thought, with all the "yet-to-do" list she mentally tallied in her mind? Deadlines. Laundry. Family picture day with color coordinated clothes. Company coming for dinner. Re-painting the bathroom. A doctor's appointment for a long overdo mammogram. Getting packed for a quick getaway, and making lists for the house sitter. Getting her Sunday School lesson planned. The more she thought about it all, the more sleep eluded her. Why was she foolish enough to even think of sleeping when all of these responsibilities stretched before her? The more she thought, the shorter her breath felt. Was it a heart attack, or just anxiety? Would she even know if she were having a heart attack, or would she die because she ignored the signs, thinking it was just a panic attack?

                   "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden

                    and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

To some of you, this may sound ludicrous. Do sane people really think this way? The truth is, 18.9 % of Americans deal with anxiety every year. And nearly half of all Americans consider themselves to be modern-day workaholics. The average American worker works approximately 4 hours for free each week, and spends another 4 hours a week thinking and planning for work. Essentially, they are working an extra day a week without pay, and without much needed rest. Do you think the drive to overwork ourselves has an impact on anxiety and stress? I think that's a no-brainer there-absolutely! 

                   "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place

                    and rest a while (Mark 6:31)."

The best example of how to handle responsibilities and pressure is to look at Jesus. God the Father showed us the first example of the need for rest in Genesis when He created the Earth, and all living things. He worked for 6 days, but on the 7th day, God rested. He didn't spend that 7th day planning for the next day, or worrying about what He needed to do next. He didn't feel guilty about taking a day of rest, nor did He fill it up with social activities that led to further exhaustion-it simply said He rested. And we read of Jesus' real need of rest as well. From feeding thousands, to healing countless sick people, to answering the questions of those clever and trying to trap Him with His words, we can only imagine how tired and weary He often felt. Jesus was absolutely never lazy, but He did long for peace, rest, quiet and times of refreshment praying to the Father. Both God and His Son, Jesus, understood the importance and necessity of rest.

                 "My presence will go with you, and I will give you

                  rest (Exodus 33:14)."

We often boast about our many accomplishments and the work we do. We love to tell others how busy we are, and feel inadequate if we don't rattle off a list of waiting responsibilities. The busier we are, the more productive we feel others view us. But oftentimes, our busyness alienates us from God's true purpose in our lives-serving Him and serving others! If I'm too busy to hear His voice, then I'm too busy. If I'm working so much that I am not available to those with real needs, then I'm working too much. If I'm stressed and anxious, maybe I need to consider my workload. In the world, being a workaholic may have a ring to it that is acceptable, and even admired. But as a Christian, being a workaholic leaves little room for kingdom work-work that has eternal value and reward. 

                 "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O

                  LORD, make me dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8)."

When we pour most of our lives into our careers, we are pouring short in areas that matter most:relationships and building up the kingdom of God. Have you been that person, laying in bed with a pounding heart as you contemplate your list of responsibilities? This isn't the way God has for us, and He, Himself, gave us the pattern of the need for rest and refreshment. No guilt. No shame. Just a real need to withdraw from our duties, and refresh our souls and bodies. May we follow the example He has set before us. And may we not pour most of our efforts into things that have no lasting value for eternity. Ask God today to help you better serve Him and re-evaluate your priorities, and when you do-be prepared for some much needed rest!

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our constant pursuit of worldly gain in our careers and in our work, and for neglecting real rest. Our rest is necessary for our physical, emotional and spiritual health, and we often are unhealthy in these areas because we neglect rest. Help us follow the pattern set before us in scripture, and quiet our souls in sleep and fellowship with our Father. In Your name we pray, Amen!

What Keeps You Up at Night?

     What is your "I can't sleep" solution? Do you count sheep? Pray until you fall asleep? Do you take a Tylenol PM or melatonin to try to catch your Z's? From my earliest memories, I recall lying in bed with numerous thoughts running through my head, disrupting my sleep. I bet many can relate, and have spent countless night hours staring at the ceiling, simply thinking. My mind is a busy place. Even when my body is exhausted, my brain finds the energy to keep going- often over negative thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Other times, it just doesn't want to be quiet and can't seem to settle down from the activity and interactions of my day.
     Relationships cause many of my sleepless hours. "Mom moments" I would love to forget. Kid choices that cause concern and frustration. Friend conversations that didn't go the way I expected. Foolish words that were spoken that I would love to retract. Periods of time when my husband and I weren't connecting. These are some of the issues that spin through my mind in the darkness of the night. Then there are even bigger things- health problems, finances, spiritual battles, and painful breeches in relationships that steal peace and sleep. In those moments, I desperately need to feel God's presence with me.
     When my husband left home for a little over a year, sleep often eluded me. What should I do? What should I say? Where will I go? How will things end up? Between prayer and Fixer Upper, I would eventually find rest, but often not nearly as much as my body needed. I often wonder about menopause and our kids growing into early adulthood- how are we supposed to ever get good rest? I made a list of scriptures that point us to the only plausible answer- the presence of our Heavenly Father in the middle of all of it. 
     What is keeping you awake at night? Do you have concerns regarding your children? Is your marriage in a state that is causing you stress and fear? Is your career giving you anxiety? Are looming health issues eating away at your peace? Is your family in the middle of a messy battle? Whatever it is, it's eating at you, and robbing you of peace, sleep, and the joy and contentment God wants us to experience, even through our difficult seasons. And in the middle of the blackness and stillness of night, these problems seem insurmountable. And then after a restless nights sleep, we wake and remember this promise from our Father- "His mercies never come to an end; great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV). 
     Friends- we know He is with us in our worries and fears, yet we often don't acknowledge His infinite ability to handle our stresses. Our enemy, the devil, seeks to disrupt our sleep and our lives with doubts and fears that our problems are too big for God to conquer. In the end, our worries only accomplish one thing- they rob us of our faith that He is willing and able to handle them for us. I am so guilty of this far too often. I wish I could write from a place of victory, but I simply can't. I struggle too. And each night that I find myself staring at the ceiling with a heavy mind, I can only do one thing- hand it all over to my Heavenly Father who is far more capable than me to take care of it all. Dear Jesus, I thank You that no matter how many times I fall into this trap, You always meet me there and rescue me!

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 ESV
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2 ESV
I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. Psalm 3:5 ESV
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess so often failing to trust You with my problems, and instead, worrying late into the morning hours. My worry and fears don't accomplish anything good, so help me Father, in those moments, to truly give them over to You, allowing me to rest in Your perfect ability to handle them for me. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
     

      

Broken

     I've heard it said of others, and often wondered exactly what it looked like when someone was "broken". Yes, in many ways, that can be said of us when we come to the point of accepting salvation from our Heavenly Father. But what about after that, when we fall and find ourselves deeply entrenched in sin? How long will God allow us to stay there, and what will it look like when we come to the breaking point? Will it be obvious? Will others notice the change?
     When my husband fell to adultery, I prayed countless times throughout every day that God would break him and change his heart. And a few times along the way, I thought maybe He had, but let me tell you- when it happens, it's so obvious! The end result of those days where God convicted and changed the heart of my husband ended in brokenness. It wasn't subtle. It wasn't vague- no, it was a complete change of heart, and a change with God's name stamped all over it. In short, it was nothing less than a miracle!
     When my husband was involved in the affair, his eyes had a hardness to them I had never seen before. But when I saw my husband after he was broken, his eyes were full of peace. The hard edge to his face was replaced by a softer, kinder look. And the moment I saw him, we fell into each other's arms with many tears of sorrow for what we had been through, and joy with for what God had done to bring us to this place. The absolute reality was this - he was forever changed, just as he stated in his deliverance story! That evening will forever be one of my most treasured memories.
     If you are a child of God and living in a lifestyle of sin, God won't leave you alone. You may not hear Him for stretches of time because you choose to drown out His voice, but He will relentlessly pursue His wayward children. I knew God would not give up on him, even though at times, my faith wavered. I prayed desperately for a changed heart- a heart that remembered Who God is, and a desire for lovingly serving Him. Because when we make God our priority, and read His Word, we will find our other relationships fall into a better place. 
     I will forever be grateful to the Lord for breaking my husband! While it was the most difficult trial we have faced to date, I have faith that God will use us in sharing our story with the world! Our story is a story that speaks of God's redemption. We pray it will point others to our Source of strength and hope, Jesus Christ- the Author of forgiveness, hope, and abundant grace!

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17 ESV
For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57:15 ESV
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for relentlessly pursuing us when we wander from Your way and will for us. I praise You for the work You have done in our marriage, and for breaking our will when it opposes Yours. Your grace and mercy are gifts we often take for granted, and yet when we see them demonstrated in this way, they are precious gifts to us, dear Lord. We love You for Who You are, and for what You are doing, and for giving Your life for ours. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Part Four- His Deliverance ( told by him)

** Continued from the previous 3 days... don't miss those!

     Later that same evening, I went to grab some dinner and for the first time in forever, I sat alone and not one person bothered to talk to me, yet I was in perfect peace. God had, in a miraculous way, moved in my heart and helped me latch on to His wonderful offering of grace. I couldn't live without it, nor could I take one more step without just accepting God had forgiven me, and the weight of sin was gone. The chains that had held me captive for far too long were broken. Not only had God forgiven me, but I was able to rest and claim that forgiveness for myself. 

     I spent that evening back at my sister's sitting alone watching YouTube videos of gospel artists singing the wonderful message of forgiveness. I let them pour into my soul like water on dry, barren ground. I didn't find out until later, that there were quite a few prayer warriors fighting for me that day. I will be forever grateful for the prayers of those that sought to bring me back to the light and love of my Savior. 

     What I witnessed over those couple days will forever impact my life. It gave me a new opportunity with my life and my marriage that would otherwise have been over. That God would lead my wife to write a blog about what had happened, and that He would lead me to read it and be convicted in such a way that it would redirect my steps, is something only God could do! The path, though hard, will never be the same because I have chosen to walk so much closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

     My daily prayer is this: "Jesus, I need you in every moment of my day, please help me stay close to You, and in everything I do, let me be reminded that You are with me in every step. Thank You, God, for allowing me to see my sin, and for working a miracle in my life to bring me to a place where You could move and heal. I love You for what You have done to secure my soul eternally, for what You are currently doing to make me more like You, and for the fresh appreciation I have been given of Your grace towards me. Amen!" There will be many small steps of building trust, respect, and healing back into relationships I had carelessly tossed to the side. One verse stands out to me though, when I think of what is ahead : I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). 

     I have included the verses of a hymn that is very special to me. The words that touch me so deeply are these: "wonderful grace of Jesus, greater than all my sin...broader than the scope of my transgressions, greater far than all my sin and shame, O magnify the precious name of Jesus, praise His name!

Wonderful grace of Jesus

Greater than all my sin

How shall my tongue describe it?

Where shall its praise begin?

Taking away my burden, setting my spirit free

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Chorus:

Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus

Deeper than the mighty rolling sea

Higher than the mountain

sparkling like a fountain

All sufficient grace for even me

Broader than the scope of my transgressions

Greater far than all my sin and shame

O Magnify the precious name of Jesus

Praise His name!

Wonderful grace of Jesus

Reaching to all the lost

By it I have been pardoned

Saved to the uttermost

Chains have been torn asunder, giving me liberty

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Wonderful grace of Jesus

Reaching the most defiled

By its transforming power

Making him God's dear child

Purchasing peace and Heaven for all eternity

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

                

Hymn by Haldor Lillenas , 1918

Don't Rush "Right"

     There is nothing that unsettles me like having my "right" disrupted. A mess on the kitchen floor, a missing check, a piece of wayward hair, or a dinner gone bad can yank my chain. "Right" feels good to me, and I don't want anything or anyone to mess it up. Doing so frustrates me, and makes me feel stressed. It's silly, since life is rarely full of days that go perfectly right, so why I let it get to me, I don't know. 
     What I do know is that when "right" turns "wrong", I scramble to clean up the mess and restore order once again. It doesn't really matter about the process, as long as it is quick. That works just fine when you're dealing with little life messes, but when you're facing infidelity in your marriage, quick won't work. Fixing the bigger issues in my life takes time, effort, patience, and the help of my Heavenly Father.
     I confess when it came to my broken marriage, I initially rushed "right." I hated being broken, and longed for things to feel normal again. I accepted an apology without a change of heart. I wanted to believe him, because I wanted to believe. I forgave, and didn't wait to see the spiritual change I longed for. As a result, I found myself in a mess again from rushing forward. I welcomed him back home, wanting so desperately for him to be there. But I soon discovered that without a spiritual change, this wasn't what was right.
     Waiting is hard, isn't it? Especially when you don't have peace with your "now." I knew that scripture urged me to wait on the Lord, and I heard if from others. But sometimes when you're hurting while you wait, your heart can get in the way of wisdom. Yes- I longed for the wrongs to be made right, but until they really were right, it was wrong to push forward. And yet life is a learning process, and God understood my longing. 
     After my husband walked out the door the second time, I knew I could not receive him back without a change in not only his heart, but his spiritual heart. I would not rush ahead this time, but would exercise faith and patience as I waited to see what God had for me. I didn't know what that was, but I knew that until He gave it to me, I wasn't interested. Some things are just not meant to be rushed into, but when God unmistakably opens a door, I don't want to miss it. And I hope I'm not too busy to notice from rushing around to find that missing check or fix a piece of wayward hair! 

The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps. Proverbs 14:15 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 ESV
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3 ESV
For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him. Ecclesiastes 8:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to exercise godly patience and not rush things. It's hard to wait, yet I know that waiting for Your timing will bring about the peace I truly long for. Guide my steps, and give me eyes to see like You see, and a heart that seeks Your way, and not my own. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Jesus in the Storm

     I think of Jesus in a passage found in Mark 4, on a ship with His disciples. There was a terrible storm that blew up while they were out on the water and the winds howled and the waves splashed so high, the water was flooding the ship. The disciples were terrified and feverishly trying to fight against capsizing or drowning. Jesus was on the ship with them, but instead of being worried and uptight, He was sleeping. The disciples finally came to Him with frustration asking how He can sleep when they were in this situation. Jesus calmly awakes and rebukes the waves and wind and the storm immediately vanishes, leaving only peace and calm. The disciples are astonished at His ability to control even the winds and the waves. 
     I faced a storm in my marriage. The storm of infidelity was ugly and terrifying. I was like the disciples, feverishly trying to find a way to simply survive and escape the awful effects of it. My winds and waves came in the form of rejection, betrayal, insecurity, shock and pain. These feelings crashed against my spirit, wounding me and leaving me afraid and vulnerable. And yet Jesus was not afraid, nor was He vulnerable, and He was with me in that storm. He was a calming presence, assuring me that the winds and waves wouldn't have the ultimate victory. He was strong and powerful, able to conquer my storm, though He chose not to for longer than I desired. 
     Jesus is always in control in every situation, so He never needs to worry about outcomes. He knows what will happen, and He won't ever be taken by surprise. If I could have peeked a year or two into the future, I may have gotten my answer and not felt the need to be as insecure or worried. But God doesn't want me to go through a storm without learning some valuable lessons. And so I kept fighting against those winds and waves until I finally realized that the storm wasn't mine to fight. I was exhausted from the burden of fighting the storm and simply allowed God to take my burden and trusted Him to fight it for me. And just like we read in Mark 4, my Heavenly Father brought peace- not peace because the storm was no longer there, but peace in allowing the One Who is able, to fight it for me!

And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind  ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" Mark 4:37-41 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for staying with me through the storms I encounter in my life, and for conquering them when I give up my will for Yours. Help me to learn the lessons from the storm, and come out on the other side with renewed faith and strength in Your power and ability. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

A New Awkward

     When it comes to being awkward, I take the cake. I often blurt out things people usually think, but don't say. Ask my people, and they will tell you it's true;) It isn't about being mean, it's about my mouth working before my brain catches up! And other times, it's my social nervousness that causes me to lose my cool for a sentence or two. Not that I claim to be cool, but you get the point. But around my family and friends, I don't feel awkward, so it was strange to suddenly feel awkward around my husband of 25 years! 
     I've known him practically my whole life. We have spent most of our days and nights right there with one another. I know all his quirks, and he knows mine. And if I were honest, I have more quirks than he does. I can tell you where he has scars, and what his favorite teams are. I know he loves white birthday cake, with white buttercream frosting. I know his shoe size, pet peeves, and the smell of his cologne. But when he left me, I felt uncomfortable around this man I knew so well, and loved so long. Who in the world is this person that did this to me? My best friend became a stranger in many ways.
     If you have experienced this, you know what I am talking about. What do you say to this person? How do you act? I had no idea, and so I was most comfortable when he wasn't in my presence. When he would come by the house, my heart would beat fast and I needed gallons of water for my dry mouth. I found it hard to look him in the eyes, and I felt unsure of myself around him. What do you do when you find yourself here? I found that a very difficult thing to deal with. 
     Conversations had to happen. Issues had to be discussed. Communication was necessary, as we shared children, finances, and a home. In my situation, we did most of our communicating initially over text message. But little by little, we gained the courage to talk face to face. Doing this was painful at first, but became a little less awkward with time. Each time I found out he had been unfaithful, I started back at zero. This was a tumultuous time inside my head and heart. I would feel hopeful, and then crushed. 
     In this difficult time, I have no doubt I would have been lost without my Anchor in the Storm. If I needed courage, I prayed for it, and received it. When I was afraid, I spoke to Him, and knew He heard me. When I was angry, He calmed my spirit. When I was skeptical, I was reassured of His love for me. And when I was brokenhearted, He showed me a love I was desperate for. Around my Savior, there was never awkwardness, just love and acceptance. Infidelity is uncomfortable, no matter which way you look at it. It hurts people deeply, and causes great pain. But we have One we can take all of our feelings and insecurities to, and know He accepts us, and loves us. He will never hurt or betray us, and in Him, we can rest in absolute peace and comfort.

Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, this is a messy situation, and one that causes me heartache and pain. Give me courage and peace when I am with my spouse, and also when I am not. Give me direction and guide me each day. I thank You for Your love and comfort, and for always making me feel accepted in You. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen! 

Relinquishing Control in our Marriage Messes

     I don't like gray. I'm not talking colors, I'm talking about things that fall outside the lines. I am more of a black and white girl, and prefer safety nets. I don't like vague or the unknown. These things make my head spin and fill me with anxiety. If I'm honest, I don't like giving control over to anyone else, in case they mess things up. And when my marriage crumbled, I wanted to figure out a way I could fix it- fast! 
     Maybe if I said just the right thing at the right time, I could turn this shipwreck around. If I dressed differently, maybe he would return my affection, and ultimately return home. I came up with quite a few game plans, and watched every one of them go up in smoke. I begged and pleaded with God to fix things. I knew He was able, but He chose not to immediately release me from this fiery trial. I remember the countless times that I lay crumbled on the floor, tearfully pleading with my Heavenly Father to have mercy and restore my husband and my marriage. There was no doubt in my mind of His ability to swiftly answer me in the positive, yet He remained silent on the matter.
     Friends, when God is silent, He is STILL working. If God had answered me right away, and brought my husband home, I would not know Him the way I do today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with worry. Worry says I am not trusting God, and that stings when I hear it plainly stated. All of my suggestions to Him on what He could try next, are actually insulting to Who He is. How could I think I knew better than God? I'm ashamed, looking back, at some of my thought patterns which perfectly displayed my distrust in the Lord. 
     Infidelity is so traumatic, that we often don't think clearly. If I can't trust my husband anymore, can I trust God? I knew in my head that God was trustworthy, but my heart was just not getting it. The truth is, God cares for my marriage more than I ever possibly could, but He also cares about me individually. Just as we want our children to trust us, especially with the big things in life, God is no different with us. By choosing to make me wait, He exercised my faith in Who He is. When I tried to maintain the control I never really had, I became anxious. But when I relinquished control and let God fight my battles, I felt peace.  
     If your marriage is a mess, I get it, it's stressful. If you're struggling with trying to control the outcome, I know of One Who is able to handle it for you. Honestly, the problem is just too big for us, but it isn't too big for our God. When we allow Him to step in and take control, we can have faith that the best possible outcome will happen- and only He knows what that is. Letting the fate of my marriage rest in the hands of the Almighty was the only path to the peace I longed for. He knows what we need, and when to move. Stop fighting for control, sweet friend, and lay your burden at His feet. Rest in knowing that this all powerful God can handle it, and we simply can't! 

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV
Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. Psalm 115:3 ESV
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your absolute ability to handle my problems. Forgive me for trying to control my marriage, and its outcome. Help me to remember that I will only feel peace when I leave it in Your capable hands, and that anxiety will attack me when I try to do it on my own. Thank You for caring not only for my marriage, but for me. I love You for being invested in every aspect of my life, and will always be grateful that You chose me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!