There is no sucker punch quite like hearing the words, "I'm leaving you." A thousand thoughts swirl around your brain and heart as you try to reconcile this statement with your reality. There are no words I expected to hear less than these, in my life journey. If you have been told these terrible three words, I wish I could reach through and give you a hard hug. One that says, "I understand." Everything that once felt certain, now hangs up in the air of uncertainty.
I have been a supported spouse for most of our marriage. Apart from the emotional wrecking ball of this statement, is the fear of what to do. I raised kids, kept house, fed my family homemade meals. I washed clothes, cleaned house, was the sole keeper of the family pets, and a myriad of other things. While I worked plenty hard, I didn't have an income to show for it. This work of being at the hub of a family is hard, and often under appreciated. It's been a gift, to be home and be present in my children's lives. But in this moment, I feel panicked. Where will I go? What will I do? What about health insurance? There are so many uncertainties that it begins to steal your peace, along with your breath. Fear is a weapon of Satan, and he is wielding it against me in full force.
The bottom line is this- I don't know the answers to what I will do, and where I will go and how I will provide for myself. Here is the thing though, we never know about tomorrow, but I have been given today. Only God knows my future, and how my story will go. And while this chapter of my journey is hard, God doesn't want me to live in fear. Fear is a good friend of worry, and I am sadly acquainted with both of them. So, how can I move out of the bondage of living in fear, and getting to a place of trust and hope? Do I need the answers to tomorrow, in order to do that?
The best place to look for answers to our fear and insecurities is in God's Word. The Bible has a lot to say about fear. Some of my favorites are these:
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
For God gave us a spirit NOT of fear but of power, and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from ALL my fears. Psalm 34:4 ESV
The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34 ESV
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6 ESV
Can you see what God is saying to us through His words? When we have Him, we can cast aside fear. He longs to take them from us- ALL of them. It doesn't mean that I don't need to come up with a solid game plan for my life, but it does mean that I don't have to be afraid. He will fight my battles for me; I don't need to do anything but be silent. If fear is stealing your joy and peace, join me in casting them at the feet of Jesus Christ. You may, like me, have to do it repeatedly, but as we give Him our fears, He will give us His peace. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I do know He will meet me there!
Dear Heavenly Father, I give my fears and worries and anxieties over to You. I confess they are a constant struggle, and I long to trust You in all things. We know You are here with us today, fighting our battles for us. We also know You are in our tomorrows, places we aren't sure about- but we are sure about You. You are my hope and my Savior, and so I look to You for wisdom and guidance in all that is ahead of me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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