Facing Life with Courage

     Honestly, I love the word courageous, and all that it means, but it's not a word that often fits my character. Me and the struggle with being courageous go way back. From being a tiny toddler, terrified of being plopped on top of the fridge, to being scared of the starter gun while running on the school track, to being afraid of the dark, I've often fallen short of bravery. I want to be courageous, but I often allow fear to spoil it. 
     As we forge ahead into 2020, I pray for more courage- for you, and for me. Life can be scary. Situations unsettling. Circumstances impossible! What unexpected bends in the road are you currently facing? Is your career in jeopardy? Do you have a sickness that causes you worry? Troubling kids?Financial challenges also are very unsettling, bringing their own set of fear and doubt. Is your marriage in trouble? Often, those who have walked through an affair, like me, have their own set of worries. Satan longs to use these to weaken our faith and zap our courage. So many life situations can make us feel stressed and fearful, far from courageous- even as Christians. 
     God doesn't want us to live in a state of worry and fear, yet I often drag myself into exactly that. While He understands our feelings, but He doesn't want us to allow circumstances to diminish our faith in Him. Instead, He wants us to recognize His ability to handle our problems allowing us to live courageously and boldly! Worry and stress have always plagued me. I would love to be known by my unshakeable faith, but in reality, I'm often anxious. Yet looking back over my life, I can see examples of how God walked me through some very trying circumstances. He didn't allow them to destroy me, but rather to challenge and grow me. That, alone should give me courage for anything that is ahead.
     What if we were given the ability to know what would happen in the future? Would it cause us less fear, having the unknown removed? Would I be braver? I would imagine that wouldn't be the case- instead, we would often live our days in dread of what's ahead. God, in His mercy, spared us from knowing future happenings; instead, calling us to faith. Faith that whatever lies ahead, He knows about it all, and is able to meet our needs. When we exercise true faith in our Father, our courage is bolstered. We can push away the stress and anxieties of today, knowing they are all in His capable hands. 
     Today, I am grappling with my own set of fears and worries, and I bet you have your own list of them. God is working in my heart to remove these burdens, reminding me that He is an Overcomer. And because I am God's child, He can overcome what I cannot. While I am a person that likes to be prepared for what is ahead, the best way I can do this is to recall His promises to me. He has promised that no matter what I am called to, He will meet me there. And so as I write this, I ask for courage to simply surrender to His control, knowing He is fighting my battles for me. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
For God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, open my heart and my hands to Your control, and ease my worries and stress. Life has its uncertainties, but we can be sure of Your ability to work in them, and through them. Father I pray for a greater courage, and a deeper faith, knowing You alone are best in the driver's seat of my life. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

     

I'll Change Him

     He was perfect- well, almost perfect. After a few months of dating, she liked most of what she saw. He had manners- he held the door for her, held her hand to cross the street, and always said "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to her parents. He dressed nice. He took her to great restaurants and he made good money. His apartment was clean and neat. He was handsome. But he did have a habit of flirting with other women. Oh- and he had a mean streak that only occasionally came to the surface. Nothing out of hand- just mildly concerning. These were easily pushed away in light of all that he did right. She had confidence that in time, she would change him. 
     Naive, yes- but this happens every day. We know how the story goes from here. She won't change him. She will end up being hurt and disillusioned. And she will wonder how this happened to her. The thing is- we can't change people, only God can do that. But on a smaller scale, we still often fall into this trap of believing we can change someone. We try to use influence to do it. We try to nag them into change. And we may even try to use control to change someone. In the end, we will be frustrated and upset that our efforts weren't successful.
     Friends, we must not be naive. If you are in the market for a serious relationship, don't expect perfection, but seriously consider any red flag warnings. If you see something that causes concern, address it now. Seldom is someone radically changed for the better by a spouse seeking to change them, but God does this kind of work every day in people from all walks of life. Take the Apostle Paul- a man who is responsible for killing many christians in cruel ways for their faith. God completely transformed him and he became one of the most influential preachers of all time! In the end, he lost his own life for his unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ. 
     Our spouse will never be perfect, and in reality, neither are we. We will have habits and characteristics that irritate one another. We may wish they were neater, funnier, more adventuresome or less impulsive. We may think they should be more romantic or have better manners. The thing is- we will never find someone that does nothing that bothers us. Instead of trying to change our spouse, we need to accept them- love them, and pray for any changes we hope to see. It's okay to kindly bring up a two-way discussion of changes you would both like to see- together. However, it's not good or right to nag them about the little things you don't like, or use ways to manipulate change. 
     If your spouse is using behaviors that cause you not just irritation, but concern- these are areas that need addressed. Often, the best people to help with this are trained professionals that counsel couples or individuals. Prayer is a powerful tool as well in these situations, as God can do what others cannot- He changes hearts and minds in a life-changing way. But you must accept that some behaviors are not going to be changed by you. They are simply too big for you to handle- but there is nothing too big for God to handle. When we truly grasp this truth, it frees us from the impossible responsibility of thinking we can change our spouse. Often, the best way to see real changes for the better in our spouse, begin with changing ourselves. What areas can you make improvements in your own life that will in turn, enrich your marriage? Why not start there, and see what God does for the two of you!

***the couple in this blog post is strictly fictional, and in no way reflects the character of my own husband.

An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. Proverbs 18:15 (ESV)
Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. Proverbs 19:2 (ESV)
Who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Philippians 3:21 (ESV)
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for changing us- for radically transforming our lives. We pray that You will give us wisdom with others- to know You are the God of change, and we are not in control. Give us wisdom and guidance in our relationships, and help us to recognize that often, change should begin in our own hearts. In Your name we pray, Lord Jesus, Amen!

     

Faith or Freaking Out?

     It was a cool December day, and I remember it all too well. Something was wrong in my marriage, and I felt weighed down with anxiety. Something wasn't right, and for the first time in my 24 1/2 year marriage, I felt very fearful. My husband's location did not match what he had verbally told me, and that's all it took to make that sick feeling way down in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't a fear you could easily hide, no, my face said it all! I couldn't act normal, instead, I felt on the verge of hysteria. In that moment, I desperately needed God, yet it was almost too much to comprehend, let alone pass it on to Someone more capable, as crazy as that now sounds.
     Even this past weekend, I felt that awful familiar feeling of dread once again. A warm, relaxing Saturday shower was my current agenda, followed by a day of household chores and some baking. As I dried off and checked my phone, a text thread between my siblings grabbed my attention. It's not an easy piece of news to swallow hearing that the woman who cared for me, supported and loved me for all of my 49 years, was being rushed to the ER for a suspected stroke. Fear again- an awful enemy that the devil uses to derail us, and shift our faith from God, to helplessness. 
     I thank God for His willingness to be an intimate part of my life. Not only as an observer, but an integral help and support system that I can't imagine living without. God calls us to faith- faith that He is able to handle all of the awful, and not so awful circumstances of our lives. While I know that in theory, it's often hard to recall when I receive crushing news. I am guilty of feeling panic first, until I remember that isn't His way for me. 
     How do you respond to bad news, a serious illness or even suspicions? Do you feel immediately fearful? Does anxiety get the best of you, like it often does for me? It's true, that some news you'll receive, will forever change your life. Some news means an end to an earthly relationship with someone we dearly love. Some news means my own life is in jeopardy. In those moments, it's naturally hard not to feel panicked, yet God wants us even then, to trust Him and lean on Him for stability and help. But too often, it's a process for me- panic first, try to re-gain some sort of control I actually don't even possess, and then remember that God is available to help me through the good and the bad. 
     My marriage did fall apart from infidelity, but thank God that wasn't the end of our story! God is restoring our marriage one day at a time. And my sweet mom? She is recovering at home with only minor evidence of the TIA she was diagnosed with. Sometimes, the answers from God are really good ones, but sometimes, things don't work out the way we desperately longed for. Even then, God asks us to trust Him. It doesn't mean we won't feel hurt and heartbroken- He understands that we will. But even on those harder days, He is working out a story that involves all of us- saved or lost. We are all a piece to a puzzle of ultimate redemption, and while some of the working together of the pieces causes us heartache and pain, the finished product is exactly as it should be- a perfect picture revealing the glory of God. So in these days of living and learning, gains and losses, God is reminding me often of how I really need Him. He's tenderly calling out to me, "Ruth- just trust Me, I won't ever leave you!" So when my heart gives in to fear, my prayer is that I'll remember He calls me to something infinitely better than panic- faith that He will see me through.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 (ESV)
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Proverbs 29:25 (ESV)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, how often I'm guilty of fear before faith. I pray that each day, I'll be reminded of Your perfect ability to handle the things that are too big for me. I confess that when things are really painful, it seems difficult to trust it's all known to You, and permitted to happen. Help me especially in those times, to remember Your faithful love toward me, and how You long to walk me through the fire, carrying me safely through. In Your precious name I pray, Jesus, Amen!

     

What Keeps You Up at Night?

     What is your "I can't sleep" solution? Do you count sheep? Pray until you fall asleep? Do you take a Tylenol PM or melatonin to try to catch your Z's? From my earliest memories, I recall lying in bed with numerous thoughts running through my head, disrupting my sleep. I bet many can relate, and have spent countless night hours staring at the ceiling, simply thinking. My mind is a busy place. Even when my body is exhausted, my brain finds the energy to keep going- often over negative thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Other times, it just doesn't want to be quiet and can't seem to settle down from the activity and interactions of my day.
     Relationships cause many of my sleepless hours. "Mom moments" I would love to forget. Kid choices that cause concern and frustration. Friend conversations that didn't go the way I expected. Foolish words that were spoken that I would love to retract. Periods of time when my husband and I weren't connecting. These are some of the issues that spin through my mind in the darkness of the night. Then there are even bigger things- health problems, finances, spiritual battles, and painful breeches in relationships that steal peace and sleep. In those moments, I desperately need to feel God's presence with me.
     When my husband left home for a little over a year, sleep often eluded me. What should I do? What should I say? Where will I go? How will things end up? Between prayer and Fixer Upper, I would eventually find rest, but often not nearly as much as my body needed. I often wonder about menopause and our kids growing into early adulthood- how are we supposed to ever get good rest? I made a list of scriptures that point us to the only plausible answer- the presence of our Heavenly Father in the middle of all of it. 
     What is keeping you awake at night? Do you have concerns regarding your children? Is your marriage in a state that is causing you stress and fear? Is your career giving you anxiety? Are looming health issues eating away at your peace? Is your family in the middle of a messy battle? Whatever it is, it's eating at you, and robbing you of peace, sleep, and the joy and contentment God wants us to experience, even through our difficult seasons. And in the middle of the blackness and stillness of night, these problems seem insurmountable. And then after a restless nights sleep, we wake and remember this promise from our Father- "His mercies never come to an end; great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV). 
     Friends- we know He is with us in our worries and fears, yet we often don't acknowledge His infinite ability to handle our stresses. Our enemy, the devil, seeks to disrupt our sleep and our lives with doubts and fears that our problems are too big for God to conquer. In the end, our worries only accomplish one thing- they rob us of our faith that He is willing and able to handle them for us. I am so guilty of this far too often. I wish I could write from a place of victory, but I simply can't. I struggle too. And each night that I find myself staring at the ceiling with a heavy mind, I can only do one thing- hand it all over to my Heavenly Father who is far more capable than me to take care of it all. Dear Jesus, I thank You that no matter how many times I fall into this trap, You always meet me there and rescue me!

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 ESV
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2 ESV
I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. Psalm 3:5 ESV
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess so often failing to trust You with my problems, and instead, worrying late into the morning hours. My worry and fears don't accomplish anything good, so help me Father, in those moments, to truly give them over to You, allowing me to rest in Your perfect ability to handle them for me. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
     

      

Feeling Vulnerable

     It feels pretty awful to feel vulnerable when it comes to your own spouse. It's a byproduct of not being able to trust them and feeling at risk. Things I had never considered before were now a reality for me. All of the years that I explicitly trusted him were now a thing of the past. New things went through my mind that i had never thought of before.
     I've always been an open book with my husband (and most other people as well). I never had anything to hide or feel like it should be tucked away. I changed my laptop passwords and my cell phone password frequently. Because I sought advice from others, and wrote about my feelings in journal posts on my laptop, I felt a need to protect those words from my husband coming across them. I had notes written with monthly budget amounts in case I faced an attorney someday over a request for a divorce. All of these I wanted to hide from any curious eyes.
     It also causes vulnerability to feel that you have no clue about what decisions are floating around in their mind. They may be using time for financial planning that protects them, and pulls the rug out from under you. In my situation, he was the sole provider, and I was at the mercy of what would happen if our marriage ended. And while you have attorney's advice on what can be done to protect yourself, it still feels awful to not know what steps they are taking on their end. 
     These are feelings that shouldn't exist inside of a God-centered marriage, and yet they were my daily reality for quite a long time. If you know these feelings, you understand the insecurity they cause, and how it can be frustrating and angering to experience them. But no matter what my marriage situation was, I had to remind myself that my future didn't sit on my husband's shoulders, but rather in the mighty hands of my Heavenly Father. He would protect me, no matter what I faced- He would provide for me because He is always faithful. I never have to worry about myself when I'm under His wings, and I can't outrun His hand of protection and provision. It was those thoughts that kept me grounded and sane when fear crept in, and made me feel vulnerable and uncertain. There was always the knowledge of God's care over me, and He spoke it to my bruised and wounded spirit. No matter what you face, friend, if you belong to Him, there is no reason to fear. There is no situation too big for Him, and He reminds us through His Word that nothing is too hard for Him. 

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who hate you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:27-31 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for always protecting me and looking out for my own good. It is scary and unsettling to feel vulnerable in a bad way, and I'm so thankful You are with me in those times as well. Help any others who are facing those feelings today, and remind them of Your steadfast love and care. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Jesus in the Storm

     I think of Jesus in a passage found in Mark 4, on a ship with His disciples. There was a terrible storm that blew up while they were out on the water and the winds howled and the waves splashed so high, the water was flooding the ship. The disciples were terrified and feverishly trying to fight against capsizing or drowning. Jesus was on the ship with them, but instead of being worried and uptight, He was sleeping. The disciples finally came to Him with frustration asking how He can sleep when they were in this situation. Jesus calmly awakes and rebukes the waves and wind and the storm immediately vanishes, leaving only peace and calm. The disciples are astonished at His ability to control even the winds and the waves. 
     I faced a storm in my marriage. The storm of infidelity was ugly and terrifying. I was like the disciples, feverishly trying to find a way to simply survive and escape the awful effects of it. My winds and waves came in the form of rejection, betrayal, insecurity, shock and pain. These feelings crashed against my spirit, wounding me and leaving me afraid and vulnerable. And yet Jesus was not afraid, nor was He vulnerable, and He was with me in that storm. He was a calming presence, assuring me that the winds and waves wouldn't have the ultimate victory. He was strong and powerful, able to conquer my storm, though He chose not to for longer than I desired. 
     Jesus is always in control in every situation, so He never needs to worry about outcomes. He knows what will happen, and He won't ever be taken by surprise. If I could have peeked a year or two into the future, I may have gotten my answer and not felt the need to be as insecure or worried. But God doesn't want me to go through a storm without learning some valuable lessons. And so I kept fighting against those winds and waves until I finally realized that the storm wasn't mine to fight. I was exhausted from the burden of fighting the storm and simply allowed God to take my burden and trusted Him to fight it for me. And just like we read in Mark 4, my Heavenly Father brought peace- not peace because the storm was no longer there, but peace in allowing the One Who is able, to fight it for me!

And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind  ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" Mark 4:37-41 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for staying with me through the storms I encounter in my life, and for conquering them when I give up my will for Yours. Help me to learn the lessons from the storm, and come out on the other side with renewed faith and strength in Your power and ability. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Anxiety and Infidelity

     Maybe you're someone who has struggled with worry and anxiety throughout your life, and maybe you even know the particular anxiety associated with infidelity. Since I was a little girl, I have been known to be anxious. A new school year, an oral report in college, a first date, or a dentist appointment (even a cleaning because they might say I have a cavity) can make my heart race, and keep me awake at night. I spent the early morning of my wedding day sick to my stomach because I would be the focus of attention for the day. A broken tooth or a root canal, could put me in cardiac distress;) 
     I have always been frustrated with anxiety, and wished for a way to get rid of it. I tried prayer, and I still worried- and I hated that. I tried medication, and it did help a lot, but I still worried. I asked God to help me have greater faith and trust, and had no idea how that would occur. When my husband left initially, and even just prior to that day, I was the most anxious I had ever been before. 
     There are so many problems and scenarios that run through the brain of a betrayed spouse. There are numerous questions in the "why" category- why did he do this, why did I not notice sooner, and why am I not enough? Then there were the "what" questions- what will I do, what should I say to people, what about our children, and what will ultimately happen? And then the "how" questions- "how will I support myself, how could he leave us, how can a christian do this, and how will I ever be ok? So many issues caused a feeling of restlessness and fear, and yet I knew God's presence with me.
     When you face the tougher things in life, we find out a lot about our faith- not faith that I belong to God (I knew that I did), but faith in His ability to handle 100% of my burdens. I realized that my faith was weak, and my worry was a result of trying to handle things bigger than me. If I didn't know Christ as my Savior, then the burdens are mine to figure out. But when I serve the Almighty God, I am foolish to carry my own burdens, when He wants me to hand them over to Him. 
     For most of a year, I struggled against handing my anxious thoughts, and worries, over to Jesus. I felt a need for control that I found out, I never really had. While my husband was warring against Satan in one way, I was warring against him in another- he was using my worries to cause me to doubt the ability of my Heavenly Father. When I recognized this, it was such a relief to know that I could just give up. Not giving up in defeat, but simply letting go of trying to control the outcome of my marriage, and just leaving it with God. When I was able to come to this place, I knew that whatever God had for me, was the absolute best, and I would be content with whatever that was. Will I ever worry again? I am sure that I will (especially at the dentist). But I hope I can look back to this time in my life when I was so aware of my inability, and He displayed His perfect ability to fight my battles for me. 

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to lay down each burden, as I get them. I am unable to handle them properly on my own, but You are perfectly capable. Forgive me for feebly trying to manage my troubles, and then falling to anxious thoughts. Lord, Your power and authority make You the perfect solution to our troubles, and so I place them at Your feet. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Holding on to Hope

     Have you ever hoped to win a million dollars? I’ve actually wasted time imagining what I would do with it. Just in case you wondered, I would pay off our house, our cars, and college for the kids. I would probably take an exciting family vacation. And of course, give some to something worth-while. This is me hoping in the impossible. But when it comes to real life possibilities, there is always hope.

     It’s easier to hope for the little things- a sunny day after too many rainy days, a cup of coffee after a restless night of sleep, or a shower after a workout. But for the bigger things- a good job, buying a new house, or considering a move across the country, we can feel a little stressed and unsure. Our hope can waver when it doesn’t seem there’s a sure answer in the near future.

     But then we hit a storm in life, and it’s tough to have hope. I know, because it was something I had to constantly remind myself of- hope in all situations. In fact, I put a reminder on my lock screen on my phone that says: I wait for the LORD, my soul waits. And in His Word I hope. Psalm 130:5. There is a story behind that...

     It had been a particularly hard day. One where we had made progress in our relationship, and then I found out he went back to her. I was DEVASTATED. I spent a tear-filled night in bed, begging for something to hold on to that would give me the hope I longed to keep. I could feel the Spirit with me, but I had no answers. Then, in the morning, the verse of the day arrived on my phone- it was Psalm 130:5 (the verse above). Wow! God speaks, He really does. Hold on to hope, my friend. God really is able, and can do what seems impossible. Just when we think there is no way possible, He opens a way. It may not be the way we thought it would be, but if He is in control, we can rest in knowing it's the very best way for us. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience Romans 8:25 ESV

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 ESV

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me not to lose hope. You are the God of hope, and all things are possible with You. On the dark days, and in the sleepless nights, help me to remember Your power and might. You made the heavens and the earth. You designed the human body- so complex, and so orderly. You conquer our enemies, and You are always able. Thank You, Lord for being the source of my hope. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

ps- I almost posted this yesterday. And guess what the verse of the day was yesterday? Psalm 130:5;)

Fear Associated with Marital Insecurity

     There is no sucker punch quite like hearing the words, "I'm leaving you." A thousand thoughts swirl around your brain and heart as you try to reconcile this statement with your reality. There are no words I expected to hear less than these, in my life journey. If you have been told these terrible three words, I wish I could reach through and give you a hard hug. One that says, "I understand." Everything that once felt certain, now hangs up in the air of uncertainty. 
     I have been a supported spouse for most of our marriage. Apart from the emotional wrecking ball of this statement, is the fear of what to do. I raised kids, kept house, fed my family homemade meals. I washed clothes, cleaned house, was the sole keeper of the family pets, and a myriad of other things. While I worked plenty hard, I didn't have an income to show for it. This work of being at the hub of a family is hard, and often under appreciated. It's been a gift, to be home and be present in my children's lives. But in this moment, I feel panicked. Where will I go? What will I do? What about health insurance? There are so many uncertainties that it begins to steal your peace, along with your breath. Fear is a weapon of Satan, and he is wielding it against me in full force. 
     The bottom line is this- I don't know the answers to what I will do, and where I will go and how I will provide for myself. Here is the thing though, we never know about tomorrow, but I have been given today. Only God knows my future, and how my story will go. And while this chapter of my journey is hard, God doesn't want me to live in fear. Fear is a good friend of worry, and I am sadly acquainted with both of them. So, how can I move out of the bondage of living in fear, and getting to a place of trust and hope? Do I need the answers to tomorrow, in order to do that? 
     The best place to look for answers to our fear and insecurities is in God's Word. The Bible has a lot to say about fear. Some of my favorites are these:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
For God gave us a spirit NOT of fear but of power, and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from ALL my fears. Psalm 34:4 ESV
The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34 ESV
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6 ESV

Can you see what God is saying to us through His words? When we have Him, we can cast aside fear. He longs to take them from us- ALL of them. It doesn't mean that I don't need to come up with a solid game plan for my life, but it does mean that I don't have to be afraid. He will fight my battles for me; I don't need to do anything but be silent. If fear is stealing your joy and peace, join me in casting them at the feet of Jesus Christ. You may, like me, have to do it repeatedly, but as we give Him our fears, He will give us His peace. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I do know He will meet me there! 

Dear Heavenly Father, I give my fears and worries and anxieties over to You. I confess they are a constant struggle, and I long to trust You in all things. We know You are here with us today, fighting our battles for us. We also know You are in our tomorrows, places we aren't sure about- but we are sure about You. You are my hope and my Savior, and so I look to You for wisdom and guidance in all that is ahead of me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!