He was mine. I loved him and called him mine for 25 years. I laughed with him, cried with him, served with him, and lived with him. He was my husband and no one else could say that about him. I like dessert. I really like chocolate cake, but if the piece is big enough, I will share with you. I like to share adventures, time, and advice- but I don't like to share my husband with another woman.
I tried pretty hard not to think about her, and often I was successful. But in the dark of night, when the house was silent and still, I wondered. What did she look like? How could she replace me? Why would she knowingly get involved with a married man? What did she say about me? What was she like? And again- what in the world did she look like??? I conjured up a mental picture that made me feel inferior. I disliked this woman, and wanted her gone.
I also wrestled with this truth- God loved her. Yes, He loves me, and He chose me for my husband, but He also loved her. He didn't like what she was doing, and He didn't want her for my husband, but it didn't change His love for her. You know how I know this? Jesus came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and I knew she was lost. Another example is found in Romans 5:8- But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That means He loved her too- and as much as I wished to despise her, I am called to something infinitely harder.
I will confess something to you- I have prayed for her, but not often enough, and my heart is lacking in love when I do. Our flesh wants revenge. I think of legitimate excuses for harm in the name of "crime of passion". And when I do this, I am guilty of sin. God asks us to love our enemies, and she was an enemy. It isn't a complicated math problem, it's a simple command from the God of the Universe. I wish it wasn't written in scripture, but it is (multiple times) and I can't ignore it.
If you have walked this road of being betrayed by your spouse, you know the feelings of jealousy and anger. It is not an easy road, and loving our enemy is definitely not easy. I don't have all the answers to the issues in our minds and hearts, but I do have scripture that tells me what I should do. I should pray for her, and love her. I am a work in progress, and I pray that God will give me a heart of compassion for this enemy. While my mind wants to go to dark places, I pray that instead, I will dwell on the Light of the World, and that He gives me a heart of grace for all. Loving someone that loves me back is easy, but loving our enemies is being like Christ. God help me in this today, and always.
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, Luke 6:27 ESV
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live a life filled with grace. Not grace for only those who love me, but for those who are my enemies. Help me to pray for them and love them, knowing it is Your way for me. Remove jealousy from my heart, and allow me to live in the freedom of Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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