His Story- Playing with Fire

     This isn't something you set out to do. If I could have stepped back, and seen the destruction and ruin from my choices, I would have run the other way with abandon. But wisdom was no longer my friend, as I had ever so slightly turned my back on God. Satan only needs a tiny opening, and he attacks with vengeance. I had always considered myself strong, but I was about to be exposed for my lack of exercising His strength in me.
     It started innocently enough. I had met her two years prior in a business setting. A co-worker of mine introduced us, as they had gone to school together. She was in our corporate accounting department at our headquarters, and each month I had to email her new accounts for editing and corrections. At the beginning of the month, I would send the expected email,  and never thought anything of it. One particular month, I had an issue, and needed to call regarding it. We talked for a few minutes, and I found the conversation intriguing. The reason for intrigue, was her playfulness on the other end of the phone.
     I continued to send my monthly email, and found out she had been transferred to another department. I was curious as to why, as I felt she did a great job in accounting. I found out her cell number, to inquire about the transfer. I wanted to know where she planned to transfer, and the reason why. I now had a dangerous piece of information- a personal way to contact a woman who wasn't my wife. 
     We now had established a regular format of conversation, based on me lending advice and support. I would check in every few weeks, and eventually every week, and before I knew it- daily contact! The more contact we had, the more fun it seemed to me. It felt like an outlet from my hectic life- an escape from what I felt trapped in. Conversations would start with business related issues, and then drift into more personal things. I vividly remember talking to her while driving, and she asked me if I was married. I remember feeling guilty when I told her I was, and I remember her pause in the conversation, and then we moved on to other topics of discussion. 
     My heart felt guilt in these conversations and thoughts, and God convicted me throughout this time, but I pushed it aside. So often I would get a text from my wife, followed by one from her. It was if God was reminding me of what I was doing- and who my attention should be on. I thought I could handle it, but without acknowledging the Spirit within, I was vulnerable and weak- a perfect target for Satan.
     This is the beginning of a story I wish I could change, but I let down my guard, and left my First Love- Christ. It's so important to keep ourselves armed with the whole armor of God. His reasons for boundaries and warning of sin, isn't to punish us and keep us from good things. The fact is- He loves us, and wants to protect us from hurt and ruin. Had I been connected in a healthy way with the Lord, I would have avoided hurting my wife, my children, and so many others. If you have been there, you understand the guilt and devastation of your choices. But this is the beginning of my story- and I serve a God of amazing grace. As you journey with me through it, I pray you will see my story with eyes of compassion, and that you would use it as an example of a heart that grows cold to Jesus. Learn from my story- the great cost of turning from God.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12 ESV
If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10 ESV
Be sober-minded; be watchful, Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, how I wish I had listened to Your voice, and followed Your way for me. Instead, I allowed Satan to bring me down. I hurt those who love me the most, and I hurt You. Father, forgive me for the pain I have caused, and I thank You for grace I don't deserve, yet You liberally offer it to us without end. Help me to have the courage to share my journey, praying it will show others redemption found only in You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!