Relinquishing Control in our Marriage Messes

     I don't like gray. I'm not talking colors, I'm talking about things that fall outside the lines. I am more of a black and white girl, and prefer safety nets. I don't like vague or the unknown. These things make my head spin and fill me with anxiety. If I'm honest, I don't like giving control over to anyone else, in case they mess things up. And when my marriage crumbled, I wanted to figure out a way I could fix it- fast! 
     Maybe if I said just the right thing at the right time, I could turn this shipwreck around. If I dressed differently, maybe he would return my affection, and ultimately return home. I came up with quite a few game plans, and watched every one of them go up in smoke. I begged and pleaded with God to fix things. I knew He was able, but He chose not to immediately release me from this fiery trial. I remember the countless times that I lay crumbled on the floor, tearfully pleading with my Heavenly Father to have mercy and restore my husband and my marriage. There was no doubt in my mind of His ability to swiftly answer me in the positive, yet He remained silent on the matter.
     Friends, when God is silent, He is STILL working. If God had answered me right away, and brought my husband home, I would not know Him the way I do today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with worry. Worry says I am not trusting God, and that stings when I hear it plainly stated. All of my suggestions to Him on what He could try next, are actually insulting to Who He is. How could I think I knew better than God? I'm ashamed, looking back, at some of my thought patterns which perfectly displayed my distrust in the Lord. 
     Infidelity is so traumatic, that we often don't think clearly. If I can't trust my husband anymore, can I trust God? I knew in my head that God was trustworthy, but my heart was just not getting it. The truth is, God cares for my marriage more than I ever possibly could, but He also cares about me individually. Just as we want our children to trust us, especially with the big things in life, God is no different with us. By choosing to make me wait, He exercised my faith in Who He is. When I tried to maintain the control I never really had, I became anxious. But when I relinquished control and let God fight my battles, I felt peace.  
     If your marriage is a mess, I get it, it's stressful. If you're struggling with trying to control the outcome, I know of One Who is able to handle it for you. Honestly, the problem is just too big for us, but it isn't too big for our God. When we allow Him to step in and take control, we can have faith that the best possible outcome will happen- and only He knows what that is. Letting the fate of my marriage rest in the hands of the Almighty was the only path to the peace I longed for. He knows what we need, and when to move. Stop fighting for control, sweet friend, and lay your burden at His feet. Rest in knowing that this all powerful God can handle it, and we simply can't! 

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV
Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. Psalm 115:3 ESV
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your absolute ability to handle my problems. Forgive me for trying to control my marriage, and its outcome. Help me to remember that I will only feel peace when I leave it in Your capable hands, and that anxiety will attack me when I try to do it on my own. Thank You for caring not only for my marriage, but for me. I love You for being invested in every aspect of my life, and will always be grateful that You chose me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!