When love is new and exciting, you can't imagine a day you won't feel that way. You get that fluttery feeling in your stomach when they touch you. You can't wait to see them after even a short time apart. They are always in your mind, and you often can't focus well on anything but them. This is love. But it's only part of love, and not what we will experience every day with our spouse.
Relationships grow, and we marry our love. Life settles in and the real life pressures begin to come back into our focus. We had been so busy with dating, and then wedding plans, that we weren't very focused on what else is going on around us. Work demands our focus. Responsibility piles up with owning a home, and paying bills. The grass keeps growing and it keeps needing cut. School loans mature. Pets that seemed cute to start our lives together with, have health issues, and require a lot more commitment and time than we anticipated. Sweet babies enter the scene, and our time alone together vanishes. Wife is busy with the kids, and husband is busy with his career. Tensions begin to escalate as we enter the full phase of family life.
It's interesting how different men and women are at our base level. Men are generally career and goal oriented, while women are more nurturing and loving by nature. How can two polar opposites function perfectly together? The truth is, they can't, and that is okay. God created us differently to compliment one another. But as we go along in life, we begin to see these differences as big problems that we are sure, others don't have. And we begin to doubt.
And one day, a very foolish thing comes across our minds- I don't love my spouse anymore. Some people process this in a more healthy way, and realize that we all feel "out of love" with our spouse from time to time. Others assume this is the end of a marriage, and call it quits. In our case, it led to an affair. Marriage kind of love is a choice- and not built on romantic love. There will be days I don't feel hopelessly in love with my spouse, and what I do with that is vital to a healthy marriage. While we need to put effort into maintaining our romantic love, we also need to remember our vow to love our spouse- regardless of my feelings and conditions.
Love is from God- and He is the essence of love. He is the only One that will perfectly love us at all times. Sadly, we won't return the favor, because we are selfish in nature. Our marriages are to be patterned after Christ's love for us- without condition. If we truly love one another like He loves, we will be wise enough to stay in the fight for our marriages. I remember the promises I made to my husband almost 26 years ago, and I know this- love is a choice, and I choose to love him, even on the hardest of days, because this is the love God has shown to me.
With humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, Ephesians 4:2 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me remember that love is a choice. I won't always feel romantic love for my spouse, but I will choose to love anyways. I thank You for the pattern of love You have shown us- a love full of grace and compassion. Your love has nothing to do with merit, and everything to do with choice. And so I will also choose to love Your way. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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