Harsh Words Damage Relationships

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back (Proverbs 29:11, ESV).
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18, ESV).

Can you remember all the great things people have said about you through your life? I know I can remember a few—especially those said by someone that oftentimes isn’t complimentary. I remember praise for accomplishing certain milestones or tasks, and I remember promises made involving serious things like marriage vows. I remember whispered words of encouragement when I was walking through some very difficult moments in life, but man oh man I remember harsh words.

Why is it that the really bad things we have heard stick with us, filling us with whispers of doubt and fear in moments of weakness? They lay under the surface of our thoughts, easily erupting when we need them the least. It should give us great pause before we allow ourselves to speak, knowing the impact can last for decades—sometimes even forever. 

Rash words really are often like sword thrusts, aiming at our hearts and wounding oftentimes more seriously than a physical injury. Learning to rein in our words should be constant. At any moment given the wrong situation, we can so easily lash out with hurtful comments. This is often especially true with those closest to us—the ones we know love us most and will forgive our verbal jabs. I find this is fairly common among couples learning to live side by side, day after day.

Stressful situations can lead us to be careless with our words. Feeling hungry, sleepy or ill can also lead us to snap or say something rude or unkind. When we use words that are harsh or unkind, Scripture says we speak as a fool. These words have consequences and reveal the state of our hearts. If you’re known as one that can aptly cut with your words in a clever, sarcastic or cruel way, you are not a picture of Christ.

Our society places value on sarcasm and criticism, but within a marriage or any relationship, that form of speech damages and tears down. Our speech, as believers, should build up and encourage. As I write this, I am convicted when I think of the many times I have used clever, cutting words and felt almost proud of how I put someone in their place. May God change our hearts and may we be convicted of our speech when it falls short.

Marriages need kindness. Your spouse needs words that affirm and encourage. There is no situation where we are justified in using harsh language. My challenge to each of us today is to pay attention to our words. What tone are you using when you speak? Is what you’re saying beneficial or destructive? Words are often forgotten, but I think it’s so important to know that harsh words spoken are often remembered for many years, causing bitterness, along with emotional and mental pain. Speak kindly, and by doing so, it will reveal the Spirit of God within you. 

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak (Matthew 12:36, ESV),

 

The Little Things Matter

     It was a cold, rainy night in downtown Atlanta. The street was dark and mostly deserted except for a few homeless people sitting on the sidewalk. He rounded the bend, anxious to be away from this area of town when he heard someone calling out to him. He was in a hurry and didn't really want to stop, but from somewhere deep inside him, he decided to listen to this man. In his eyes he saw a sadness and a hunger that touched his soul as he listened to the man's plea for a few dollars and a job. The money was the easy part, but the job—he wasn't likely to be serious about. Doubtful as he was he gave the man an address just a few streets over and asked him to come in the morning. He was in need of a few odd jobs, and this man said he needed work. If it didn't work out, no harm done.
     To his surprise, the man did show up the next morning and worked hard to accomplish a few random tasks. This continued for the next few weeks until it eventually turned into a regular position. This man got his life on track and was able to help his sick mother and provide for their needs. It is not the way the story often goes, but it all started with one little act of kindness. We never know the lives we can touch when we do small simple gestures for someone else. These little things can turn into really big things, bringing glory to God the Father.
     The flip side is we often get careless with our habits and behavior—small indiscretions with company finances. Unkind words said to our spouse. Holding a grudge. Shorting a customer of what they were promised. Overspending on unnecessary things when there are bills that need to be paid. These little daily actions may seem small, but with each indiscretion we become callous to what we are actually doing—disobeying God's Word (sin). We don't find ourselves in the middle of a relationship train wreck without first taking small steps in the wrong direction. No "big thing" that we become involved in is usually arrived at by surprise. We start down a slippery slope of little things that land us in hot water.
     Your little things really do matter, because our small actions have a huge impact on where we go from there. If our little things are honest, kind, careful, considerate, godly and good, we won't have to worry that our big actions will be hurtful and damaging. So let's open our eyes to what we are doing in the routine, seemingly inconsequential moments of our days and make it our aim to do these small things with a pure heart motivated by the goodness of our gracious Father. Give money to that person who's in need. Give your neighbor a listening ear. Hug your spouse after a hard day at work—lending care and support. Give flowers to a sick friend. Whatever it is—do it. Because we never know how God will grow our small acts of obedience and completely transform someone's day or maybe even their life. The truth is, our little things are capable of making a difference—dare to see what God will do with your little things.

"One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much (Luke 16:10, ESV).
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you (Luke 6:38, ESV)."
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, guard our steps and keep us from disobedience. Help us instead to lend ourselves to others, giving and loving them with Your heart. Allow our eyes to see these small opportunities you open for us to show kindness, and we trust that You'll use these to do something bigger than we may ever know or imagine. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

Sunday Relationship Post- Speaking Thankfulness

     In our world of entitlement, there is a shortage of speaking gratitude. Saying "please" and "thank you" are seemingly dated phrases. But voicing thankfulness begins at home, and homes need to step it up. The more we both voice and show our thankfulness, the more enjoyable it is for the person to treat us generously. In a marriage, it's no different. In fact, showing appreciation is a healthy way to build a marriage up.
     There are two sides to thankfulness- the person who is giving, and the one receiving. We don't give in order to receive- that should never be our motive. But giving generously and lovingly is a big part of a relationship. Some provide financially for the family, some contribute by their care of the home, and some do both. These are actions that should be appreciated, as they take time, energy, effort, and careful attention. Saying "thank you" goes beyond manners- it shows appreciation for the efforts of others to make our life better and brighter. 
     Just as we need to hear appreciation for our hard work in our careers, we also need to hear it at home. Nothing makes a person more motivated to be a rock star on the job, then when their boss builds them up with compliments and encouragement. A great leader will encourage those who work under them, motivating them to give their best effort. Why not practice this same behavior in our homes? Encourage one another and show appreciation for the things we do- whether we made an excellent dinner, washed the car, earned a bonus at work, paid for a dinner out, or picked up the dry cleaning. 
     When we fail to say "thank you" over and over and over again, we leave the door open for the provider to feel unappreciated and taken for granted. We never want those feelings in any relationship- especially a marriage. Think of ways your spouse provides for you and voice your appreciation. Learn to speak thankfulness, and don't stop with people. We want to use this same principle with how we treat our Heavenly Father. He has blessed us with so much, and we need to acknowledge our blessings by thanking Him for them. So I pray for an attitude of gratefulness over expectedness. And I thank the Lord for blessing me with so many wonderful people and material comforts. 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, Hebrews 12:28 ESV
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! Psalm 100:4 ESV
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live with a thankful spirit, and to let others know I appreciate them. May those closest to me never feel taken for granted because of my selfish, careless attitude of expectedness. I thank You for the many blessings I enjoy, and for giving Your Son to pay for my pardon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen! 
     

His Story- Playing with Fire

     This isn't something you set out to do. If I could have stepped back, and seen the destruction and ruin from my choices, I would have run the other way with abandon. But wisdom was no longer my friend, as I had ever so slightly turned my back on God. Satan only needs a tiny opening, and he attacks with vengeance. I had always considered myself strong, but I was about to be exposed for my lack of exercising His strength in me.
     It started innocently enough. I had met her two years prior in a business setting. A co-worker of mine introduced us, as they had gone to school together. She was in our corporate accounting department at our headquarters, and each month I had to email her new accounts for editing and corrections. At the beginning of the month, I would send the expected email,  and never thought anything of it. One particular month, I had an issue, and needed to call regarding it. We talked for a few minutes, and I found the conversation intriguing. The reason for intrigue, was her playfulness on the other end of the phone.
     I continued to send my monthly email, and found out she had been transferred to another department. I was curious as to why, as I felt she did a great job in accounting. I found out her cell number, to inquire about the transfer. I wanted to know where she planned to transfer, and the reason why. I now had a dangerous piece of information- a personal way to contact a woman who wasn't my wife. 
     We now had established a regular format of conversation, based on me lending advice and support. I would check in every few weeks, and eventually every week, and before I knew it- daily contact! The more contact we had, the more fun it seemed to me. It felt like an outlet from my hectic life- an escape from what I felt trapped in. Conversations would start with business related issues, and then drift into more personal things. I vividly remember talking to her while driving, and she asked me if I was married. I remember feeling guilty when I told her I was, and I remember her pause in the conversation, and then we moved on to other topics of discussion. 
     My heart felt guilt in these conversations and thoughts, and God convicted me throughout this time, but I pushed it aside. So often I would get a text from my wife, followed by one from her. It was if God was reminding me of what I was doing- and who my attention should be on. I thought I could handle it, but without acknowledging the Spirit within, I was vulnerable and weak- a perfect target for Satan.
     This is the beginning of a story I wish I could change, but I let down my guard, and left my First Love- Christ. It's so important to keep ourselves armed with the whole armor of God. His reasons for boundaries and warning of sin, isn't to punish us and keep us from good things. The fact is- He loves us, and wants to protect us from hurt and ruin. Had I been connected in a healthy way with the Lord, I would have avoided hurting my wife, my children, and so many others. If you have been there, you understand the guilt and devastation of your choices. But this is the beginning of my story- and I serve a God of amazing grace. As you journey with me through it, I pray you will see my story with eyes of compassion, and that you would use it as an example of a heart that grows cold to Jesus. Learn from my story- the great cost of turning from God.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12 ESV
If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10 ESV
Be sober-minded; be watchful, Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, how I wish I had listened to Your voice, and followed Your way for me. Instead, I allowed Satan to bring me down. I hurt those who love me the most, and I hurt You. Father, forgive me for the pain I have caused, and I thank You for grace I don't deserve, yet You liberally offer it to us without end. Help me to have the courage to share my journey, praying it will show others redemption found only in You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!