Exercising Faith-What Does it Mean?

 Circuit training—a phrase that brings up bad memories from the past. With multiple weight machines set up in close proximity, you basically run from one to the next, and on and on it goes for about 45 minutes or so. The first few sets were typically done quite easily, as the weight is lighter than regular lifting, but as you worked through each machine and your heart rate steadily punched upward, I would begin questioning what in the world had ever prompted me to begin in the first place. This was exercise not intended for the faint of heart—but for the dedicated athlete.

Now Zumba—that's my kind of workout, but even with Zumba I struggled initially to learn the dance steps and to build up my stamina and confidence. No proper form of exercise comes without a learning curve and a period of adjustment—physical and mental, but with perseverance, you make strides as you keep at it. And when you think about it, faith is no different. I wasn't born trusting God and automatically knowing how to live as a transformed believer of Jesus—it was through many small experiences over time that I learned those things and continue to do so.

Building, or exercising our faith requires spiritual muscle development. It won't just happen unless you put in effort. You will never accidentally fall into being a person of great faith. And so it takes deliberate practice, just like any other form of exercise. Many times, I am guilty of praying for a greater faith, then being puzzled and frustrated with trial after trial. If you want to be a person of great faith, trials aren't optional. That teenager that's giving you a hard time? Faith building. That church leader that seems to make rules based on personal preference causing you irritation? Faith building. A spouse who runs to another's arms, devastating your heart? Faith building. Bills that are out of sync with your income? Faith building.

When you think of people in Scripture known for their faith, you'll see they were people who faced pretty difficult situations. Abraham was asked to offer his son. Esther came before the king unannounced with a desire to save her people—an action that could easily cost her life. Joshua instructed the people to march around the walls of Jericho, believing that God would spare them from harm and give the city into their hands. David picked up a small rock and faced a large giant who wanted to kill him. Moses led his people into the middle of the sea, believing God would hold back the waters from destroying them. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to worship an idol and walked inside a fiery furnace, not knowing if they would be delivered or not. 

All of these people are known for their faith—yet each one faced their own trials with confidence in God. It's true that trials stink. I know I don't like them and I bet you don't either. But trials are necessary if we want to truly grow in our faith and learn to trust our Heavenly Father. Without them, we would not learn to rely on His strength to see us through, and we would not grow in our faith. 

What are you facing today that you are wrestling against? Are you feeling bitter or angry that God allowed this situation in your life? Honestly, there are those moments we find ourselves angry with God—and yet He understands our emotions and feels compassion for us. But as a loving Father, He wants more for us than an easy life that won't encourage our spiritual growth and build our faith. When I think of people I have known who have passed away, the ones with the most powerful legacy are those who faced challenges and continued to walk in faith. So when we face things we wish we weren't called to face, may we see how God is exercising our faith by allowing things that have a greater purpose than the pain we are experiencing in that season. Our God is good and He deeply loves us. Even when our life gets hard and our hearts are hurting. May it be said of us when we take our last breath, "their faith is what I remember and appreciate the most". 

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6, ESV).

That your faith may not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God (1 Corinthians 2:5, ESV).

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith (1 John 5:4, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we want to be people known for our faith, and yet our hearts often struggle with trials. Help us in those hard seasons to trust You and believe that You will bring good from whatever we face. We know that faith building isn't easy and requires trials and so we ask that when we face them, we would learn to wholly lean on You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Grief Associated with a Broken Marriage

     People associate grief with death, but when it comes to a broken marriage, you will likely experience grief. Grief can occur with any emotional parting with someone or something we genuinely care about. When my husband walked out of the door the second time, I truly felt fresh grief as I was faced with what I felt was the end of our marriage. 
     There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. At some point since I initially discovered infidelity in our marriage, I went through all five stages. But I experienced all of the first 4 before he left the second time, and when he left in December of 2018, I felt the final stage of acceptance. We had gone through so much working towards resolution and reconciliation. I didn't believe there was anything further I could do to save our marriage. I had prayed a thousand prayers, cried a river of tears, begged and pleaded before my Heavenly Father, and still- he left. I didn't have any more fight left in me.
     The best thing about God is that when we can't fight anymore, He can! In fact, when we give up our own struggling for what we want, He does His best work without any interference by us. And so while I had felt all of these painful feelings of grief, He was about to get to serious business with the fate of my marriage. While I laid down my will and simply let go, He stepped in and began some pretty amazing things- things I couldn't see over the next week. The week ahead would be painful, but I tried to focus on bringing in the New Year enjoying the company of our kids, and doing some fun things to celebrate. 
     Have you felt grief in your life? Most of us have experienced it with the death of a loved one, but have you felt it in other areas, excluding physical death? It's interesting how our brain experiences grief in the trauma of a marital crisis, but it makes sense. God says when we are joined in marriage, "two become one flesh" (Mark 10:8). When the one flesh is torn in two again, there is a form of death- marital death. This is a painful event that causes us to experience grief, especially as the betrayed spouse. Scripture promises us that God is a God of comfort and help. He won't leave us throughout our grieving process, and will seek to strengthen and help us navigate through until we come out of the other side. And even then, He is with us in the "new" that awaits. 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4 ESV
My flesh and my heart may fail. but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26 ESV
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1 ESV
For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." Isaiah 41:13 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for walking beside me through my grief. You've felt it, and You know how difficult the emotions are. I pray for any currently facing grief, that You would draw close, give comfort, and in time- acceptance. Thank You for bringing me through the fire, and for faithfully walking through it by my side. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

How I Felt About Him When We Were Apart

     My husband always had my heart before he walked out the door. I found him fun, attractive and my other half. For almost 25 years, he was there, and I always figured he would be. When I discovered his affair, I had some pretty hurt and angry feelings- naturally. I had always joked about shooting him if he ever cheated on me, never thinking it was a real possibility for us.

     When he left, I honestly was torn in two about how I felt about him. I felt disgust and anger one minute, and compassion and love the next. My heart and mind had loved him so long, it didn't know how to feel differently. And yet I kept finding myself astounded that this man I had loved so long would betray me in this way. I would see him and feel like I either wanted to hide, or hug him. It was a very confusing time for me.

     I have never been that person that yells, screams and throws things. While other people offered their feelings of what they would do (or think they would do), it just isn't like me to be vindictive or ugly. It isn't that I didn't have those feelings or daydreams, but I couldn't do it and feel good about it. To be honest, my biggest feeling for him was concern- concern for how he was damaging relationships, hurting those who loved him the most, and turning his back on God. None of this was like the man I had loved and lived with for most of our lives. This concern was motivated by my feelings of love for him that I still felt.

     We had our face to face moments, and usually after the initial pain and anger started to shift, we could spend time together and show kindness and care. He was very forthright and honest at owning up to our situation, and I think that helped me to feel compassion rather than hatred. Another contributing factor - a big factor- was what God kept speaking to my heart. Over and over again He urged me to love him, pray for him, and show him kindness. It wasn't always easy, but I knew it was one way of reminding him that God loves us without conditions. And God asks us to love like He loves. This love is sacrificial, and a love we often feel for our kids, but less often feel it for an unfaithful spouse. Loving a spouse is a choice- one we make each day. I chose to love him regardless of his behavior and choices, and whether he returned my love or not didn't matter- I was choosing to love him the way Christ loves me. The rest was up to my Heavenly Father, and I trusted Him for whatever was ahead for us.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sin. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV

Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 1 Peter 1:22 ESV

May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ. 2 Thessalonians 3:5 ESV

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to love- even when it's hard. I thank You for faithfully loving me, no matter what I do or say. Your love is faithful and kind, and I want to love like You love. Help me to love like that, Father, In Your precious name I pray, Amen! 

Jealousy and Infidelity

     He was mine. I loved him and called him mine for 25 years. I laughed with him, cried with him, served with him, and lived with him. He was my husband and no one else could say that about him. I like dessert. I really like chocolate cake, but if the piece is big enough, I will share with you. I like to share adventures, time, and advice- but I don't like to share my husband with another woman. 
     I tried pretty hard not to think about her, and often I was successful. But in the dark of night, when the house was silent and still, I wondered. What did she look like? How could she replace me? Why would she knowingly get involved with a married man? What did she say about me? What was she like? And again- what in the world did she look like??? I conjured up a mental picture that made me feel inferior. I disliked this woman, and wanted her gone.
     I also wrestled with this truth- God loved her. Yes, He loves me, and He chose me for my husband, but He also loved her. He didn't like what she was doing, and He didn't want her for my husband, but it didn't change His love for her. You know how I know this? Jesus came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and I knew she was lost. Another example is found in Romans 5:8- But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That means He loved her too- and as much as I wished to despise her, I am called to something infinitely harder.
     I will confess something to you- I have prayed for her, but not often enough, and my heart is lacking in love when I do. Our flesh wants revenge. I think of legitimate excuses for harm in the name of "crime of passion". And when I do this, I am guilty of sin. God asks us to love our enemies, and she was an enemy. It isn't a complicated math problem, it's a simple command from the God of the Universe. I wish it wasn't written in scripture, but it is (multiple times) and I can't ignore it. 
     If you have walked this road of being betrayed by your spouse, you know the feelings of jealousy and anger. It is not an easy road, and loving our enemy is definitely not easy. I don't have all the answers to the issues in our minds and hearts, but I do have scripture that tells me what I should do. I should pray for her, and love her. I am a work in progress, and I pray that God will give me a heart of compassion for this enemy. While my mind wants to go to dark places, I pray that instead, I will dwell on the Light of the World, and that He gives me a heart of grace for all. Loving someone that loves me back is easy, but loving our enemies is being like Christ. God help me in this today, and always. 

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, Luke 6:27 ESV
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live a life filled with grace. Not grace for only those who love me, but for those who are my enemies. Help me to pray for them and love them, knowing it is Your way for me. Remove jealousy from my heart, and allow me to live in the freedom of Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Dealing with Anger

     I'm not one to have a temper. I'm not a screamer or a slammer of doors. I like harmony and I really dislike conflict. I am known for being easy-going and gentle. But in the face of infidelity, anger is real. It isn't fair. The feelings of being put to the side include rejection, yes, but also anger. Infidelity holds many of the same emotions as death. But I think the worst truth we hear loudly is how this was chosen. And this truth leads to anger.
     It's understandable to be angry. The message we are getting from our spouse is beyond hurtful, and extremely selfish. How then, as christians, do we work through the feelings of anger without allowing it to fester and bring us down? Is being angry a sin? Does God understand our anger? Anger is an emotion, one that is part of the human emotional bank. God understands our feelings of anger, and was even angry Himself when He walked this earth. When Jesus entered the temple and saw it being used as a place to make money, He overthrew tables and displayed anger- RIGHTEOUS ANGER. He never sinned, we know that from scripture. His anger at the misuse of the temple was justified. Ephesians 4:26 says : Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, . We can see that anger isn't sinful, but what we do with it, and how we process it can lead to sin if we let it. 
     I confess, right here on this page, that I have sinned regarding the anger I feel over my marital situation. I have had some pretty bad thoughts, and while others may say that is understandable, God calls me to something harder, and ultimately better. Satan would love to use my anger to derail my usefulness to serving the Lord. I can let it be the emotion that gets the best of me, and jades my world with bitterness and self-pity. I can let it be the thought that pops in my head when I wake up, and go to bed at night. I could let this anger consume me and lead me down paths of unrighteousness. OR- I can choose to lay this ugly emotion down at the feet of Jesus, every single time it pops its ugly head up. I can acknowledge that I feel this way, and share those feelings with my Heavenly Father. I don't want to live bitter- I want to live a life of joy and peace. If I let anger be my controlling emotion, then joy will be stolen from me. 
     If you've walked this journey, or are currently walking it with me, you know the struggles associated with this powerful emotion. Satan longs to use anger to steal our peace. When we arm ourselves with God's Word, and His promises to us, we are better equipped to deal properly with anger, and protect ourselves from the havoc it can cause. What we are experiencing is terrible, and it can bring out the worst in us. We have had much taken from us, and anger will take even more- it will steal joy, contentment, and peace.  Make some healthy emotional decisions that will help you process these feelings, and find a trusted confidant to share them with. And as always, take it before our Father, and confess and leave it there. 

For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:20 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31 ESV
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me righteously work through my feelings of anger. Don't allow Satan to use it to derail me from Your good plans for me. I confess it is an emotion I am struggling with, and I pray that I will acknowledge it and lay it at Your feet. Restore to me the joy and peace You long for me to experience. Thank You for Your grace and mercy and love towards me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!