Social Withdrawal

     For as far back as I can remember, I have been a very social person. I love get togethers, talking with friends and family, coffee with a friend, or going somewhere with a group of people. Being alone has its place, but I like it in small doses (and in broad daylight;). I have never been accused of being a loner or recluse, but when our marriage faced infidelity and my husband left, I changed.
     I don't know if it's "normal" or considered customary in cases of separation and infidelity, but I know that for me, I socially withdrew. I had no clue what to say to people, and I didn't want to face their questions or pity. Somedays I handled it better than others, but other days I wanted to lock myself in my room for the entire day. Initially, I would sit on my couch for hours and wonder how this happened. I would read my Bible for hours on end and journaled verses that I found especially helpful. On my couch, I felt safer, and my family teased me about getting up, and out. 
     If you have been betrayed by your spouse, and were separated, you may know what I experienced. It was completely out of character for me, yet it was my unique way of trying to deal with a situation I never imagined would be mine. In many ways, it was an avoidance of enjoying life and moving forward. I felt so sad and heartbroken that I had little interest in doing things that used to bring me joy. Such a big part of who I had been for the past 25 years was wrapped up in my husband, and who we were together. Learning to be separate from "us" was difficult, and it was hard for me to find my way.
     While I avoided family functions, conversations with mutual friends in the grocery store, and other social situations, I found immense comfort in drawing close to the Lord. I felt Him with me, and I craved His soothing presence. Even though I felt alone in many ways, I was vividly aware of how He was present with me. It wasn't that I didn't have people that sat on my couch with me, because I did. My sister, daughter, and niece or nephew spent many hours of many days and evenings on it with me. But moving out of my safety zone was difficult for the first 6 months or so. Eventually, with the encouragement of others, and prodding from the Spirit, I was able to slowly come out of my social withdrawal, and begin the process of finding who I was, without him. The more I came out amongst others, the more I saw how many of us there were. And God began opening my heart to see my situation as a ministry of sorts. If you have been called to walk a difficult road in your life, look around you. There are those who are hurting, and need encouragement, a listening ear, and a friend. Our ministry as christians, is to reach out to those around us with a need. We have been given a unique opportunity to use our journey through a situation, as a way to show others the hope found in our Heavenly Father. And each of you that needed me, well- I thank you for helping me along my own path to healing, and restoring my "social butterfly" status!  

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 ESV
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24 ESV
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me." Isaiah 6:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for helping me overcome social withdrawal. I thank You as well for sending those who encouraged me in my darkest times. I pray that You will give me a heart of compassion for those who have walked my journey, and offer them the hope I found in You. Help me to see the needs of others who are searching for answers, and may I always direct them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!