Back in August of last year, I returned
home after several months of living with my sister. My time back home consisted
of a couple months, and I know people have wondered why I came home, only to
leave again. What motivated me to return, and why didn’t it last?
My life is in North Carolina. The woman I
was involved with was from Michigan, and nothing I knew or was involved with,
other than her, was there. My family was in NC, my children were in NC, my work
was in NC, my friends lived in NC, and I built a business in NC. My mind was
torn, at the time, in where I really wanted to be and who I wanted to be with.
I could see the hurt I was causing to those I loved here in my home state, and
it bothered me immensely. But other times, I could avoid seeing those I loved,
and I pushed it from my heart and mind.
I was also deeply influenced, not only
from my own selfishness, but also from the lies of Satan. I could hear his
voice whispering words of doubt- telling me that it was too late to rebuild what
I had destroyed, and that coming back would result in people looking down at me
the rest of my life. But I would get windows of clarity, and see those lies for
what they were. And so I returned home, believing I could make the necessary
changes, and patch broken relationships. I felt that with effort, I could
restore the spiritual brokenness I was experiencing, and while I should have
known better, I was believing in my own capability to fix things, rather than
recognizing that only God could restore what I had carelessly destroyed.
And after returning home, it didn’t take
long for me to see that I was not where I needed to be spiritually, to make
things right. I received grace from others, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I
would see those I knew were praying for me, and it amplified the feelings of
guilt I already felt, and so I desired to remove myself from those feelings
once again.
It was my own foolishness that once again
contacted the other woman, and felt I had been missing what we had together.
And yet when I walked away from home, it only took a week for God to open my
eyes to my situation, and the foolishness of my thought pattern. I want to warn
any who are flirting with danger, when it comes to your marriage. No matter how
far you’ve gone, it is never too late to turn around, and make things right
with God. Whether you get the opportunity with your spouse, children or loved
ones, that is secondary to making things right with God. Don’t listen to the
lies of Satan, that it is too late for you. God is a God of grace and mercy,
and we can never wander so far that He won’t pursue us and lead us back to Him.
How grateful I am to this wonderful God I serve, and His compassion to His
sinful people- a compassion I don’t deserve, yet He showered me with it.
Restore to me the joy
of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV
Repent therefore, and
turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may
come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed
for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the
things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago. Acts
3:19-21 ESV
Dear
Heavenly Father, I don’t deserve Your grace or mercy, and yet You liberally
shower me with it. Humans have a problem giving it to others, and yet You, a
God that is Holy and just, give it to us- Your people. I thank You for it, not
only today, but every day. Thank You for being a loving and gracious Father, In
Your precious name I pray, Amen!
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