Be an Encourager

 One of the most discouraging seasons of my life produced something infinitely valuable—those who stepped in as real encouragers to me. When you're down—really down, it's sometimes hard to muster the faith and courage within yourself to believe that somehow, you'll get through. You may have experienced circumstances that apart from God and His people, you have no doubt you would have hit the point of despair. And the reality is, we are rubbing shoulders with people this very day who are in similar circumstances; thick in the midst of their own personal trials and tragedy. It's easy to think you aren't the person to help, hoping someone else is more equipped for the task, but if you know of a need, at the very least, we can be their encouragers.

When my marriage fell apart back in 2017, a handful of people immediately come to mind who made that period of pain and heartache better, because they cared for me through their actions and words. While I was tempted often to hide away in the safety of my home, there were those who encouraged me to get up, and get out. If I missed an event or a church service, what I didn't need to hear were these words: "Where were you?, we missed you (which generally just meant why wasn't I where I was expected to be)." What I did need to hear were encouraging words like: "we are so thankful to see you today—I can imagine it must be hard to come, but we are so happy you did." The words we say to those who are hurting or spiritually struggling are so impactful, and because of that, we need to use the utmost care in how we speak.

We also can be encouragers to those who are spiritually struggling, rather than use words to bully them into biblical compliance. We can treat them in any of these three ways: indifference, unkindness that borders on threatening, or loving encouragement. As Christians, the only real choice should be number three, and anything other than the third choice will not bring about real spiritual change at the heart level. One of the best ways to look at this is through an example.

Eric grew up in a christian home, often in church services with two loving, godly parents. As Eric got older and made his own choices, he started down the wrong path, with the wrong friends, and his attendance became sporadic, at best, at his local church. One morning, he woke up and decided to go to church. When he walked in, he was tense, expecting people to question him and give him a hard time. Instead, an older man who was close to his Dad, came over and gave him a big hug. "Eric, how great to see you today! I was just praying for you last night, and thanking God for you and the blessing you are to all of us. I'd love to take you to lunch today, and catch up on all that's happening in your life. I've heard you're doing well in school, and I'd love to hear about your baseball season." Eric was greatly encouraged by this gentleman, and agreed to meet him for lunch. A door was opened for communication and connection through this man's love and encouragement.

Now Eric may be a made up story, but there are thousands of Erics around—and some of them may be in your circle of connections. You can choose to chastise his behavior, and further his discouragement, alienating him from God and His people. Or you can be someone who steps up to the plate and offers words that have power to touch the hearts of the lost or the hurting—possibly even bringing the wanderer back to the fold. There are so many things around us in this strange year of 2020 that may cause stress, anxiety and discouragement. There are also many discouragers out there—people who seemingly enjoy putting people down. As God's children, may that never be true of us. 

May we truly open our eyes to the people around us and when we see someone in need of encouragement, be there for them. Love them unconditionally. Trust that God will use you in ways you may never know the extent of, and that your willingness to encourage will be infectious to other believers following your example. As the body of Christ, it is our responsibility to look to the needs of others, and step in to help when we see a brother or sister who needs us.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV).

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (Proverbs 25:11, ESV).

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered (Proverbs 11:25, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, open our eyes to those around us who need encouragement and give us a heart of compassion for them. May we offer words that are like medicine to a wounded soul, and help build up the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

My Response To Unwelcome Circumstances

     I have a pretty vivid memory when it comes to unwanted life situations. When we pass through things that are difficult, they are often referred to as "fiery trials". Passing through fire means we will experience painful burns- burns that are hard to erase from our memories, and likely have value in being remembered for the lessons they hopefully taught us. My mind goes back to one particular season of emotional pain- a time of separation from my husband following an affair. While I'm close to celebrating my fiftieth birthday, no season was more painful than those two years.
     For many months throughout that period of time, I struggled against acceptance. While I remained close to the Lord out of a desperation for comfort and help, I still despised my circumstance. "Why me?", I would ask Him. I would scan through my past actions, looking for a reason, wanting to know why this was part of my life's story. Most days, I felt it was an injustice to my "good girl" persona. I felt jilted- not only by my husband, but by God. I plodded along with these feelings for quite some time, and then there was a turning point that is emblazoned in my memory. 
     After my husband left home for the second time within the course of one year, I was heartbroken, yet relieved. God was still working on him, and at this point, I knew I had to wait until He broke him. But that's another story for another time. My turning point looked like this: a heaping mess face down on the floor of my bedroom trusting the Spirit to make the right words from my heart for the Father. I had to come to the point of surrender that for now, this was the reality that God allowed to touch my life, so He must have a purpose in it. He isn't cruel. He isn't without intention. And so I simply had to come to the point of surrender and acceptance that even though I didn't like it, somehow and some way, God would make it right. 
     Maybe you're up against a circumstance today that you don't want to be a part of your life journey. Life doesn't look like you wished it did today. So many of us are experiencing Covid related disappointments. Separations from those we love. Inability to worship collectively. Financial struggles and job loss. Small businesses closing the doors permanently as lifelong dreams die. Postponed weddings. Separations from loved ones suffering an illness or celebrating the birth of a new baby. It's not supposed to be this way, we think to ourselves. Why is God allowing this to happen to me?
     Life is going to have its share of disappointments. Things won't always go the way we wish they did. But how are you responding in those moments? Are you accepting them, trusting that God will bring good from them? Do you really believe He has purpose, for His good plans- even in this? Are you straining against what is, and wishing for what you really wanted? In these painful moments, God is looking for not only surrender, but acceptance. And from acceptance, the hope that joy is still possible- even if things don't work out my way. 
     God has lessons in our seasons of waiting. He wants us to trust Him when things are a mess. He wants us to serve Him, even when our hearts are hurting. He wants us to love Him, even when we are in that fire- and especially then. Whatever you may be experiencing today that wasn't a part of your plan in life- may you learn to surrender and accept what is. Pray for His will in your situation, and even when it doesn't measure up with your will, trust that He knows what He's doing. And never stop believing that around the bend, He has good things for you. And He hopes you'll be willing to use those burns to reach others who are walking the same fire as you. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, life can be so hard somedays. Situations and circumstances come along that cause worry, pain and fear. Help us to trust You, even when things look out of control and completely different than we envisioned. Help us to surrender and accept what You allow in our lives, trusting You have good plans for us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Satan's Lies About Sex

     Maybe you've been here as a parent, and this same conversation played out in your own home. "Mom, he said the s-word!" Your mind likely goes to a 4-letter word- the magic number for bad words, it would seem. But on careful digging from your little one, the word turned out to be sex. That whispered word in my long ago childhood- unspoken by most, especially by the right people. And so we began childhood thinking sex bad, when in fact, if practiced God's way, is actually a beautiful good gift. 
     There likely isn't a subject with more books and articles than sex. Sex tips fill women's magazines. "What women really want", a hot topic in men's reading materials. Sex therapists. Sexual addiction. Pornography. Sex chat rooms. Prostitution. Human trafficking. Adultery. Fornication. Divorce. Abortion. Sexually transmitted diseases. There are so many by-products of unhealthy, ungodly sex. When we think of guidance for anything sexual, we likely don't think of the Bible, and yet God is the One who gave this gift to us. As the Creator of sex, He is the only One with answers to its purpose, and who it was created for. This is where our world gets so twisted in its view of all things sexual.
     We read in Genesis that God instituted marriage and then told Adam and Eve to be "fruitful and multiply". He gave Eve to Adam to be his wife, and from them would come the descendants of the world. But sex wasn't just for procreation, it was intended to be pleasurable between a man and his wife. Reading in the Song of Solomon, we follow the passionate love story of a married couple. It is a story that shows the amorous side of sex- not only to be fruitful and multiply, but to enjoy! Our culture likes to think sex is for the young, the beautiful, the powerful- but God says it's for a man and his wife, and it's private and holy. 
     Sex used in the wrong way hurts people. I believe this is one powerful reason God takes sexual immorality seriously. His gift of sex was never meant to hurt others. Earlier in this post, I listed some of the ways misused sex causes pain. Adultery and fornication are two ways that are highly prevalent in our society, causing hurt and devastation. As someone who has felt the sting of adultery, I can tell you the result is painful and far reaching. And as a 40-something year old woman, I could tell you many examples of broken hearts from young people who gave themselves away before marriage and suffered painful consequences. Sexual baggage is heavy and hard to carry, and finds its way into healthy relationships, wreaking havoc on them. I know of young women who have horrible emotional pain following an abortion, in an effort to hide their situation from their parents. These are just some examples of how sex outside of God's plan cause pain and heartache.
     When it comes to Microsoft, we would give Bill Gates words a lot of weight. He and Microsoft go together, and he would be considered an expert in this subject matter. And when it comes to sex, God is the expert. He created it, gave instruction on what and who it is for, and graciously gave it as a gift. There is no better authority than God on the subject of sex, and yet we listen far too often to the world's opinion on this topic. If you've been "doing it wrong", God is a God of second chances. I would invite you to investigate what His Word has to say on the subject, and talk to Him about your own thoughts and actions regarding sexual behavior and practices. While God is a God of love, He is also a God who gives us biblical principles He expects us to follow as Christians. Sex is beautiful, and it is a gift to enjoy within the confines of marriage. Don't buy Satan's lies about what sex is, and who it's for- because his lies are rooted in evil that will lead to pain and brokenness. God's ways will lead to joy and fulfillment, and sex- His way, is always, always worth the wait! 

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (ESV)
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, allow our thoughts of sex to be guided by Your Word. Help us to embrace Your principles, and to enjoy sex in the proper way. Remove negative baggage and Satan's lies, and help us to live in the freedom You meant for us in our marriages and relationships. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

December 28, 2018 - Another Goodbye

     When things aren't right in a marriage, you can feel it in your gut. We had been reunited for four months, and although the first two went well, the second two revealed an issue- our marriage battle wasn't over. We got through the holidays with strain and unease, a time I usually enjoyed immensely. In all ways, things were different- the holidays were celebrated in a different way, and our hearts were once again far apart. 
     Even though we lived under the same roof, and were "not okay", I do want to say that my husband made a concerted effort to make Christmas the best it could be, given the circumstances. He has always been generous, and that was no different. I did enjoy the day with my family, and if nothing else, we were still partners- working side by side to keep things going. But when the lights went out that night, I had such a feeling of dread and expectation, knowing he had one foot out the door. With Christmas officially over, I felt the other foot would now follow.
     The day after Christmas, I noticed a pile of gifts that he received were stacked up on the floor of our room. He always puts things away, and I thought it was weird. But the morning I knew he was leaving, I noticed a bag packed in our closet- shoes, belts and some clothing, along with his packed shave bag. My stomach dropped because I was certain, before the close of that day, he would be gone. My nerves were on edge and my heart was a mess. 
     Around lunch time, I checked his location and noticed he was getting closer and closer to home. He wasn't supposed to be coming home, so I knew why he was. I tried to look calm and busy with my business tax information at the dining room table. He walked in the door, and asked if we could talk in private. I literally felt sick. We went back to our room where he stated that he tried, but still wasn't happy. He assured me I had done nothing to contribute to his decision, but was going to leave once again. 
     There was no longer any use to argue. I had come to peace with whatever happened, and while it was heartbreaking and unsettling, it was almost a relief since I knew it was coming. We spoke a few words, he went up and spoke to our son, came back down and we hugged and he walked out the door. It was me and God, and I knew He was with me. It's an amazing comfort to have Him when we experience times like this. So I sang to Him, and talked to Him just like He was sitting beside me, because I can tell you this for sure- He was! Thank You Lord, for meeting us in our deepest heartaches. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. John 16:22 ESV
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, You comfort us when we are sad and heartbroken. I thank You for being so near at those times, and revealing Your tender love to us. Thank You for loving not only the hurt, but the one who is hurting others, and for pursuing them relentlessly. God- You are so good, and I praise You for Your tender mercies and kindness to us. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Counting my Blessings

     When life borders on the miserable side, it's helpful to back up, and make a mental note of what I am grateful for. As a human, I tend to dwell on the negative issues I am facing, and fail to appreciate the positives. As Christians, we are encouraged to embrace our trials, recognizing their ability to draw us closer to Christ, but my flesh often gets in the way.
     My brain was saturated with my situation, and what the outcome would be. I worried about my husband, I struggled with insecurities, I feared the future, I wondered about finances, I felt for my children, and I wished for a different life journey. I felt anger at times, and frustration at other times. I longed for the second coming of Christ in a new way- a way to escape this mess. I cried often, I prayed fervently, I hoped and pleaded. This was my way of life for longer than I wished. Living in this state is not experiencing the joy the Lord offers us- a joy that is not dependent on our circumstances. 
     If you are walking in the more difficult areas of your life story, join me in looking for the many blessings we have, despite the heartache and pain. I have so many blessings, and I don't want to miss them, even amidst hard times. I don't want to live a life lacking thankfulness for the good things I am given, because I am too focused on the harder things. 
     When I step back, and look at my whole life picture, the painful parts of my story are much shorter than the joyful moments. Yes, the painful parts will forever change me, and I pray they change me for the better. I know that God will use those experiences to allow me opportunities to reach in and help others, that will walk similar roads. And honestly, that is also a blessing. 
     We will all feel heartaches and disappointments in life, from time to time. But if we can, in those moments, look to the One Who has blessed us in other areas, we can take a little breath and thank our Heavenly Father for the things we are able to enjoy. It doesn't make the pain go away, and it often doesn't change our circumstances- but it can change our perspective! I want a perspective that focuses on the good things He has given me, and the promises He has made. I can remind myself of the truth found in Jeremiah 29:11- He has GOOD plans for me! 

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, Psalm 103:2 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ESV
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, Ephesians 1:3 ESV
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, when my days are hard and painful, help me to look for the good You have given me. Focusing on the heartache and pain is exhausting and steals my energy and joy. Help me literally count my blessings, and remember to thank You for them. You have been so good to me, and I am thankful. Give me a grateful heart, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!