Nothing stings quite like betrayal- especially when it comes from your spouse. It's painful and unexpected, yet it happens more frequently than we'd like to think. Forgiving betrayal isn't easy, and takes working through a complicated process of emotions. Some never get past it, while others are able to with time. Jesus was no stranger to betrayal, and He understands our feelings and emotions as we face our own Judas's. The marked difference in how I face being betrayed, is my own sin throughout the process, and my failure to see myself as a Judas to Jesus in my own ways.
In my personal Bible reading, I've read a lot about Judas lately, as we walked through the story of Jesus being crucified and raising Himself back to life. I love how we can read scripture over and over again, and yet new things grab you each time. A particular scene caught my attention- one of Jesus washing His disciples feet in the Upper Room before the Passover Meal. He removed his garment and wrapped a towel around His waist, and got to work. He didn't exclude Peter- knowing Peter would deny Him those three times. And He didn't exclude Judas- even though He knew his betrayal would be the catalyst allowed to lead to His own death. And I have no doubt, had I been there, that He would have included me- dirty with my own sin.
I wonder about Judas, and the thoughts following his betrayal of Jesus. I don't really believe that Judas didn't notice Jesus was different- special even. But I do believe that money mattered more to him in the end. Maybe he was tired of living a simple life without riches and the comforts of the world, as was the way of Jesus and His disciples. He wanted something more, and money seemed to be the answer for him. But I also wonder if he ever looked down at his feet, clean from the careful cleansing of the Master, and felt shame. Did his mind go back to Jesus washing his feet and being told that he wasn't clean, because Jesus knew his traitorous heart? And did he remember Jesus calling him "Friend", when he kissed Him to signify to those seeking to capture Him that He was the One they sought?
The ways of Jesus should always be the pattern I follow in my own life. Judas deserved harsh treatment from Jesus in our way of thinking- but He asks us to reconsider our thirst for retaliation and justice and do something ultimately harder, though much better. As Christians, we are asked to mirror the grace of Jesus in our own life choices and behavior. While an extramarital affair is a painful situation, it would be worse to have my husband hatch up a plan that led to my death- and even in something of this magnitude, Jesus loved Judas. If you're walking through life with feelings of bitterness and anger over your own betrayal, allow me to suggest the freedom we find in letting it go. We may or may not get the remorse and apology we so desire, but we do have the ability, through Him, to forgive without them. We can see the heart of Jesus more clearly when we allow ourselves to picture washing our own betrayer's feet with love and compassion, knowing what they would do to us. Living like Jesus isn't easy, but to hear Him say of us in a coming day, "well done, My faithful servant" will make it worth all the sacrifice. How will you love your Judas? Are you willing to love them like Jesus? It will be hard, but it'll be rewarded in a coming day, and His reward is always worth it.
But Jesus said to him, "Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?" Luke 22:48 ESV
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15 ESV
After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, "Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me." John 13:21 ESV
And when they heard it, they were glad and promised to give him money. And he sought an opportunity to betray him. Mark 14:11 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to love and forgive others like You do. When I am heartbroken and angry from the sting of betrayal, may I extend grace- even then. May I remember that on my best days, I'm still no better than a Judas- guilty and dirty from my own sin and failures. Father, help me to serve others like You taught us, by washing the feet of Your disciples. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Learning to be Content
If there is anything our modern world struggles with, it's learning to be content with what we have. We always want more. We want better. We want something we don't have. A small dose of this means we have goals to achieve something greater than we are currently experiencing. But if we are unappreciative of what we have in this moment, we are missing the mark. The Apostle Paul made a remarkable statement, considering his circumstances. This is the statement he made: "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." (Philippians 4:11 ESV).
Paul wrote this statement during a very difficult time for him. He had been in prison for two years in Rome. He wasn't treated well, nor was he being held there for acts that would actually be considered "criminal". He had been beaten and mistreated. In our flesh, we see this as reason to be unhappy and angry. Paul learned something we should really try to learn ourselves- joy isn't circumstantial when you have Christ. Paul didn't consider this world to be "home", but rather a place of opportunity for building up the kingdom of Christ.
Life can bring about some pretty frustrating and heartbreaking situations. Our work can leave us feeling unappreciated and stressed. Our relationships can bring about pain and sadness. Our marriages can break our hearts. We may struggle to pay bills. We may want more than what we have. And while these are legitimate feelings we face, they shouldn't steal our contentment in Christ. We don't want to be entitled Christians. God doesn't owe us anything- certainly not material comfort. Jesus didn't have material comfort while He lived here, so we shouldn't feel like we are owed that from Him.
When it comes to infidelity, it is clear that discontentment led to the decision to betray a spouse. Often, it's not even discontentment with a spouse, but with ourselves. We become unhappy with our current state and want something better. The answers in looking for "better" will never be found outside of His best for us- and that won't ever include infidelity. If you're sitting inside of a marriage that doesn't thrill you, apart from abuse, look inside of yourself. Will making some personal changes for the better lead you to a healthier marriage? Being "content" doesn't mean that when we are living outside of His purposes for us, we don't make some changes. It doesn't mean that we don't try to improve our situations. But what it does mean is to appreciate the good in your current situation, seeing the blessings God has given you in this moment.
If you are stuck in a situation that is sapping your joy, Paul would ask you to consider what is ahead for you. We can get so focused on the here and now, and forget about our eternal destination- our forever home. Did I feel joy when my marriage was a mess? To be honest with you, I struggled with this same truth from Paul for quite some time. But I learned that I had to trust that God would turn the "bad" of my present, into "good" in the future. I had to come to grips with the fact that my joy couldn't be stolen by circumstances if it's firmly rooted in Christ and all that He offers. People can't make me content. A job can't make me content. A home and material goods can't offer contentment. Contentment is only found in Jesus Christ- He gives us so much more than the fleeting comforts this world offers. I want to be like Paul, and be happy and content in this place of of my life, enjoying the good things God has chosen to bless me with, and not focusing on what I'm missing out on.
Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 ESV
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 1 Timothy 6:6-8 ESV
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for my selfish and greedy ways. My heart always wants more, and I forget to be content in this moment of my life. Help me to be truly thankful for the things You've blessed me with, and to never feel unthankful when I want more than You've given me. Help me to live with the attitude of the Apostle Paul, understanding that true contentment can only be found in You. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen!
Paul wrote this statement during a very difficult time for him. He had been in prison for two years in Rome. He wasn't treated well, nor was he being held there for acts that would actually be considered "criminal". He had been beaten and mistreated. In our flesh, we see this as reason to be unhappy and angry. Paul learned something we should really try to learn ourselves- joy isn't circumstantial when you have Christ. Paul didn't consider this world to be "home", but rather a place of opportunity for building up the kingdom of Christ.
Life can bring about some pretty frustrating and heartbreaking situations. Our work can leave us feeling unappreciated and stressed. Our relationships can bring about pain and sadness. Our marriages can break our hearts. We may struggle to pay bills. We may want more than what we have. And while these are legitimate feelings we face, they shouldn't steal our contentment in Christ. We don't want to be entitled Christians. God doesn't owe us anything- certainly not material comfort. Jesus didn't have material comfort while He lived here, so we shouldn't feel like we are owed that from Him.
When it comes to infidelity, it is clear that discontentment led to the decision to betray a spouse. Often, it's not even discontentment with a spouse, but with ourselves. We become unhappy with our current state and want something better. The answers in looking for "better" will never be found outside of His best for us- and that won't ever include infidelity. If you're sitting inside of a marriage that doesn't thrill you, apart from abuse, look inside of yourself. Will making some personal changes for the better lead you to a healthier marriage? Being "content" doesn't mean that when we are living outside of His purposes for us, we don't make some changes. It doesn't mean that we don't try to improve our situations. But what it does mean is to appreciate the good in your current situation, seeing the blessings God has given you in this moment.
If you are stuck in a situation that is sapping your joy, Paul would ask you to consider what is ahead for you. We can get so focused on the here and now, and forget about our eternal destination- our forever home. Did I feel joy when my marriage was a mess? To be honest with you, I struggled with this same truth from Paul for quite some time. But I learned that I had to trust that God would turn the "bad" of my present, into "good" in the future. I had to come to grips with the fact that my joy couldn't be stolen by circumstances if it's firmly rooted in Christ and all that He offers. People can't make me content. A job can't make me content. A home and material goods can't offer contentment. Contentment is only found in Jesus Christ- He gives us so much more than the fleeting comforts this world offers. I want to be like Paul, and be happy and content in this place of of my life, enjoying the good things God has chosen to bless me with, and not focusing on what I'm missing out on.
Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 ESV
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 1 Timothy 6:6-8 ESV
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for my selfish and greedy ways. My heart always wants more, and I forget to be content in this moment of my life. Help me to be truly thankful for the things You've blessed me with, and to never feel unthankful when I want more than You've given me. Help me to live with the attitude of the Apostle Paul, understanding that true contentment can only be found in You. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Being Real in a False World
We live in a world where we feel pressure to be perfect- similar to my last post. Social media is the worst for putting fake images on display. Take for instance a picture you may decide to post- if you were 100% honest, how many re-takes did you take? What filter did you use? How long did it take you to find the very best possible one of you? And for real- why do women stick out their lips?.. as Trey Kennedy would say, "do less, and God bless." I mean, who cares if someone else looks awful, the bottom line is this- I'll post the one I look the best in. Why am I so shallow that I need to display a great image, when at best, I struggle each day with a handful of my own insecurities?
If you come to my home for a meal, I would be annoyed if you saw the mess in my closet or the tumbleweeds of dog hair I vacuumed before you got there. I want my own version of "Magnolia" perfection. I watch Chip and Joanna and then feel inadequate when I scrutinize my own home. Don't get me wrong- I'm a Fixer Upper addict, and that show carried me through some really lonely seasons of life. It's just that it opens my eyes to my inabilities to pull together a look that causes decorating envy. So instead, I'll wander the Project 62 section in Target, and wish I could start re-vamping my spaces, and I guess I could for a small fortune. But why can't I just be satisfied with my own blessings, because I have many! And why do I feel pressured to uphold a Joanna Gaines standard?
I was scrolling through Instagram today, and saw a post by Lauren Daigle that I absolutely loved! She posted 10 selfies of mostly weird or silly faces and captioned her post with this- "Just a little something real for ya while you scroll through the myriad of Instagram perfection mirages." I told my daughter just last week, "can you imagine if we just posted pictures of our worst moments? When we had the worst hair day, and a pimple the size of our nose?" Because none of us are perfect- not our houses, not our bodies, not our lives. But because we only post our greatest moments, and most flattering pictures, we cause a whole world full of people to feel insecure, inadequate, and unsatisfied.
I think of how this relates to the subject of infidelity. We are always looking at what we think is greener grass, thinking surely there is something better for me out there. But when we get a good look at that greener grass, it's as inadequate as what was growing in our own yard. We are a generation of dissatisfied people, always wanting what we don't have. Since the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we all are imperfect, stained, and messy. It's time to face the reality of our imperfections, and not put forth false personas. The images we are sending are causing generations of people to feel insecure. It's okay to be real- to post the picture you're cross-eyed in. To invite the company over when the grass is a foot tall because you've been too busy. God isn't impressed with fake- He values a sincere heart.
So today, I want to encourage you to embrace who God made you to be. I'm no Joanna Gaines, but I was made in the image of God, and He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. He didn't only die for the prettiest ones, the most talented, or the sharpest crayon in the box- He died for all! My shortcomings are a testament to my humanity. So no matter what I post, I am here to remind you that I don't have it all together. I don't have all the answers. And as long as I'm on this side of eternity, I never will.
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 ESV
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me not put forth a false perception of perfection. I don't have a perfect marriage, family, body, or home. I don't have it all together. Let others see me as genuine, and may my inadequacies give me opportunity to connect with others that are struggling with their own securities, opening the door for me to introduce them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
If you come to my home for a meal, I would be annoyed if you saw the mess in my closet or the tumbleweeds of dog hair I vacuumed before you got there. I want my own version of "Magnolia" perfection. I watch Chip and Joanna and then feel inadequate when I scrutinize my own home. Don't get me wrong- I'm a Fixer Upper addict, and that show carried me through some really lonely seasons of life. It's just that it opens my eyes to my inabilities to pull together a look that causes decorating envy. So instead, I'll wander the Project 62 section in Target, and wish I could start re-vamping my spaces, and I guess I could for a small fortune. But why can't I just be satisfied with my own blessings, because I have many! And why do I feel pressured to uphold a Joanna Gaines standard?
I was scrolling through Instagram today, and saw a post by Lauren Daigle that I absolutely loved! She posted 10 selfies of mostly weird or silly faces and captioned her post with this- "Just a little something real for ya while you scroll through the myriad of Instagram perfection mirages." I told my daughter just last week, "can you imagine if we just posted pictures of our worst moments? When we had the worst hair day, and a pimple the size of our nose?" Because none of us are perfect- not our houses, not our bodies, not our lives. But because we only post our greatest moments, and most flattering pictures, we cause a whole world full of people to feel insecure, inadequate, and unsatisfied.
I think of how this relates to the subject of infidelity. We are always looking at what we think is greener grass, thinking surely there is something better for me out there. But when we get a good look at that greener grass, it's as inadequate as what was growing in our own yard. We are a generation of dissatisfied people, always wanting what we don't have. Since the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we all are imperfect, stained, and messy. It's time to face the reality of our imperfections, and not put forth false personas. The images we are sending are causing generations of people to feel insecure. It's okay to be real- to post the picture you're cross-eyed in. To invite the company over when the grass is a foot tall because you've been too busy. God isn't impressed with fake- He values a sincere heart.
So today, I want to encourage you to embrace who God made you to be. I'm no Joanna Gaines, but I was made in the image of God, and He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. He didn't only die for the prettiest ones, the most talented, or the sharpest crayon in the box- He died for all! My shortcomings are a testament to my humanity. So no matter what I post, I am here to remind you that I don't have it all together. I don't have all the answers. And as long as I'm on this side of eternity, I never will.
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 ESV
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me not put forth a false perception of perfection. I don't have a perfect marriage, family, body, or home. I don't have it all together. Let others see me as genuine, and may my inadequacies give me opportunity to connect with others that are struggling with their own securities, opening the door for me to introduce them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Relationship Post : So You're Not Perfect?
We can often wrestle with our own flaws and imperfections, aware that we have many. For me, I have an extensive list- some are physical characteristics I wish were different, and some are character traits I haven't yet been successful in changing. These imperfections can irritate me and while I want to change them, I often lack the discipline required to be victorious over them. While others may see me as acceptable overall, I am always aware of my limitations. Most days, I don't allow them to get to me, but somedays, I struggle with them. It's funny, really, how we see our own faults and then hold others to a standard that is impossible to achieve. Like the one we share our life with.
In the beginning of a relationship, we often don't see the faults they possess, or even if we do, we believe we can change them. When we fall in love, we become blind to their flaws- "love is blind", right? And then after time begins to pass, we become shocked and disappointed to find out they are just like us- flawed individuals, falling short of perfection. We may even begin to question our choice, and some may even decide to throw in the towel. The thing is, you'll exchange them for another flawed person who will eventually disappoint you as well.
If you chose well, (and as a believer, you chose a like-minded believer) then it's time to take a step back before calling it quits. What qualities attracted you to them in the first place? Are the imperfections deal-breakers (there aren't many that should make that list), or just the result of being imperfect humans? Just like you, they have their own shortcomings and struggles. Instead of pointing out the failures of our spouse or significant other, we should look for ways to build them up and encourage them. We will never like every quality they possess, and they will never like each ours either- and that's okay!
When sin entered the Garden through Satan's tempting of Adam and Eve, we all became imperfect. None of us will achieve the status of perfection, even though some believe they are pretty close to the mark. It's my spouses responsibility to love me, regardless of my faults. That doesn't mean he shouldn't encourage growth where I need growth- but it does mean that he understands that just like him, I'm going to fail and make mistakes. I'm going to mess up and have my own set of insecurities. And at the end of the day, we commit to sticking it out together, because we are just two flawed humans who fell in love, made vows before God, and promised to help each other through our weaknesses and failures. Jesus was the only perfect One, and I'll always fall short of His standard this side of Heaven, but thank God His blood covers it all! So the next time your spouse splatters toothpaste on the mirror, leaves the dirty clothes on the floor, or is late for the third time this week- remember they are human, just like you. Acknowledge that you fell in love with a person that isn't perfect, and that's okay!
** Just a side note - I chose random flaws, and not ones that reflect my own husband;)
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
As it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; Romans 3:10 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 ESV
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 ESV
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, we are far from perfect, and while we know our own flaws, we often have trouble accepting them in others. Help me to be understanding, kind and forgiving when I'm faced with the imperfections of my spouse. Thank You for loving me despite the sin that makes me so flawed and messy. Help me to show that same love to others, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
In the beginning of a relationship, we often don't see the faults they possess, or even if we do, we believe we can change them. When we fall in love, we become blind to their flaws- "love is blind", right? And then after time begins to pass, we become shocked and disappointed to find out they are just like us- flawed individuals, falling short of perfection. We may even begin to question our choice, and some may even decide to throw in the towel. The thing is, you'll exchange them for another flawed person who will eventually disappoint you as well.
If you chose well, (and as a believer, you chose a like-minded believer) then it's time to take a step back before calling it quits. What qualities attracted you to them in the first place? Are the imperfections deal-breakers (there aren't many that should make that list), or just the result of being imperfect humans? Just like you, they have their own shortcomings and struggles. Instead of pointing out the failures of our spouse or significant other, we should look for ways to build them up and encourage them. We will never like every quality they possess, and they will never like each ours either- and that's okay!
When sin entered the Garden through Satan's tempting of Adam and Eve, we all became imperfect. None of us will achieve the status of perfection, even though some believe they are pretty close to the mark. It's my spouses responsibility to love me, regardless of my faults. That doesn't mean he shouldn't encourage growth where I need growth- but it does mean that he understands that just like him, I'm going to fail and make mistakes. I'm going to mess up and have my own set of insecurities. And at the end of the day, we commit to sticking it out together, because we are just two flawed humans who fell in love, made vows before God, and promised to help each other through our weaknesses and failures. Jesus was the only perfect One, and I'll always fall short of His standard this side of Heaven, but thank God His blood covers it all! So the next time your spouse splatters toothpaste on the mirror, leaves the dirty clothes on the floor, or is late for the third time this week- remember they are human, just like you. Acknowledge that you fell in love with a person that isn't perfect, and that's okay!
** Just a side note - I chose random flaws, and not ones that reflect my own husband;)
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
As it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; Romans 3:10 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 ESV
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 ESV
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, we are far from perfect, and while we know our own flaws, we often have trouble accepting them in others. Help me to be understanding, kind and forgiving when I'm faced with the imperfections of my spouse. Thank You for loving me despite the sin that makes me so flawed and messy. Help me to show that same love to others, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Monday, April 8, 2019
April the 8th: Memories- Goodbye Little One
We all have life dreams- things we think of and wish for with all our hearts. Some want to be an actor. Some, a surgeon. Another may wish to take a ride out in space or a submarine into the depths of the ocean. Having goals is great and gives us something to work towards. For me, I wanted to be a wife and a mom. Having babies of my own was one thing I looked forward to, and assumed it would happen without much effort. I wanted to marry my best friend (and I did), and then settle into raising our babies.
While having dreams is a great thing, we often find that chasing them will lead us down paths of heartache. It isn't to say we shouldn't have our dreams, but things don't always happen easily, or the way we imagined they would. It's in these times God is working to exercise our faith and calling us to trust Him. But sometimes in those seasons, we often lose focus of our faith and instead, feel fear and disappointment.
My first pregnancy came without many months of trying. I was elated and couldn't wait for maternity clothes (they were ugly back in the day, mind you), lamaze classes, baby showers and all the fun leading up to Delivery Day. I remember the excitement of my first ultrasound at 16 weeks. The doctor had told me we would likely find out the sex of our baby at this visit, and I could hardly wait. I'll never forget how the anticipation and excitement of this day turned to heartache and sadness. On January 4th of 1995, we learned that our little one had passed away in the womb and would be surgically removed the following day. Disbelief and disappointment were very real that day and the months that would follow. Further heartache would come a few days later when my milk came in with no little one to feed. That was a tough valley in life, and one I never expected to experience.
After a couple months, we found out we were pregnant again. I was excited, but didn't feel well and had a feeling that things weren't right again this time. On April the 8th of 1995, I came home from the grocery store cramping and feeling anxious. Within an hour, I was headed to the Emergency Room to see yet again, that our second child was in Heaven without us. A long season of waiting followed- a season filled with sadness and grief. Everyone around me seemed to be pregnant and having healthy babies, and my arms were empty. I was truly happy for them, but hurting for what I had lost.
Prior to infidelity in our marriage, this season was our biggest challenge. And just as God worked in restoring our marriage, He worked to repair my wounded heart decades earlier when we were faced with infertility. The same God that cared for our marriage, cared for us in those years of wondering and waiting. Sometimes He gives us our own biological children, and sometimes He asks us to care for little ones that are in need of a mom and dad- either are a huge privilege and responsibility. But God hears our prayers for a child, and He makes a way for us to hear those precious words from the lips of a child- "Mom" or "Dad". If you know the pain and disappointment of infertility, my heart hurts for you- it's a difficult road to travel, and one many know all too well.
I'll never forget the day I first held my firstBORN son- a treasure and a true gift from God. And two years later, He blessed us with a little girl. On this day- 24 years after the second miscarriage, I'm reflecting on my Faithful God. He's been so good to me- to us. Yes, He's allowed us seasons of pain- but in them, I've found a faithful and loving Father. This Father is intimately involved in my little world. He cared for my empty arms and filled them. He cared for my empty heart when my husband had left home, and He led him back to us. How good is God- a God who loves, cares, provides, comforts, encourages and restores. If you don't know Him- I hope today you'll make it your mission to seek Him. Scripture tells us that when we seek Him, and search for Him with all our heart, we will find Him. You'll never be the same, and you'll never be sorry- and better yet- you'll never be alone!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:13-14 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, be with those who are facing infertility today. Give them comfort, peace and Your love as they wait on You. Thank You, Father, for hearing our own cries and for blessing us with a family. Thank You for restoring our marriage and for working so intimately in our lives. We are humbled by Your love and care, and thank You for the hope only You can give. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
While having dreams is a great thing, we often find that chasing them will lead us down paths of heartache. It isn't to say we shouldn't have our dreams, but things don't always happen easily, or the way we imagined they would. It's in these times God is working to exercise our faith and calling us to trust Him. But sometimes in those seasons, we often lose focus of our faith and instead, feel fear and disappointment.
My first pregnancy came without many months of trying. I was elated and couldn't wait for maternity clothes (they were ugly back in the day, mind you), lamaze classes, baby showers and all the fun leading up to Delivery Day. I remember the excitement of my first ultrasound at 16 weeks. The doctor had told me we would likely find out the sex of our baby at this visit, and I could hardly wait. I'll never forget how the anticipation and excitement of this day turned to heartache and sadness. On January 4th of 1995, we learned that our little one had passed away in the womb and would be surgically removed the following day. Disbelief and disappointment were very real that day and the months that would follow. Further heartache would come a few days later when my milk came in with no little one to feed. That was a tough valley in life, and one I never expected to experience.
After a couple months, we found out we were pregnant again. I was excited, but didn't feel well and had a feeling that things weren't right again this time. On April the 8th of 1995, I came home from the grocery store cramping and feeling anxious. Within an hour, I was headed to the Emergency Room to see yet again, that our second child was in Heaven without us. A long season of waiting followed- a season filled with sadness and grief. Everyone around me seemed to be pregnant and having healthy babies, and my arms were empty. I was truly happy for them, but hurting for what I had lost.
Prior to infidelity in our marriage, this season was our biggest challenge. And just as God worked in restoring our marriage, He worked to repair my wounded heart decades earlier when we were faced with infertility. The same God that cared for our marriage, cared for us in those years of wondering and waiting. Sometimes He gives us our own biological children, and sometimes He asks us to care for little ones that are in need of a mom and dad- either are a huge privilege and responsibility. But God hears our prayers for a child, and He makes a way for us to hear those precious words from the lips of a child- "Mom" or "Dad". If you know the pain and disappointment of infertility, my heart hurts for you- it's a difficult road to travel, and one many know all too well.
I'll never forget the day I first held my firstBORN son- a treasure and a true gift from God. And two years later, He blessed us with a little girl. On this day- 24 years after the second miscarriage, I'm reflecting on my Faithful God. He's been so good to me- to us. Yes, He's allowed us seasons of pain- but in them, I've found a faithful and loving Father. This Father is intimately involved in my little world. He cared for my empty arms and filled them. He cared for my empty heart when my husband had left home, and He led him back to us. How good is God- a God who loves, cares, provides, comforts, encourages and restores. If you don't know Him- I hope today you'll make it your mission to seek Him. Scripture tells us that when we seek Him, and search for Him with all our heart, we will find Him. You'll never be the same, and you'll never be sorry- and better yet- you'll never be alone!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:13-14 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, be with those who are facing infertility today. Give them comfort, peace and Your love as they wait on You. Thank You, Father, for hearing our own cries and for blessing us with a family. Thank You for restoring our marriage and for working so intimately in our lives. We are humbled by Your love and care, and thank You for the hope only You can give. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
Performance Based Commitment
In our 21st century world, performance matters. The overachiever generally keeps their job. The better you perform, the happier your boss is, and your employer is better off because of your performance. The same is true of a student. If you put in the effort, your grades will reflect your effort. If you don't do your homework, don't study for tests, and rarely show up for class, you're setting yourself up for failure.
When we put in the work, we expect to benefit. That's the way of the American rat race- perform and achieve. We practice this in so many spheres of our lives that we forget that while performance is a legitimate goal in our relationships and marriages, it shouldn't be the indicator for commitment. That's not to say we throw in the towel and not bother in putting forth the effort to grow and cultivate it, but rather choosing to commit no matter how your spouse performs. This goes against the grain for us humans, as it is contrary to the worldly view of "getting what we deserve." We think if we put forth our best effort for our spouse, everything should go the way we deserve them to, and sometimes, that's just not the case.
As Christians, our goal for our marriages should be grace- based commitment. This type of commitment is what God shows us. He looks at good works as empty, and doesn't throw us a reward for our good behavior. He also doesn't toss us aside when our behavior is sinful and ugly. He is 100% committed to us, regardless of how we perform. God's relationship with us is a picture of what a godly marriage should look like.
A christian marriage affected by infidelity can often shift, trying to "perform to keep". I know, because I've been there. We put pressure on ourselves to be more desirable in one way or another. This sprouts from feelings left over from insecurity and doubt, but are contrary to God's plan for us. Our thought pattern must change to view our marriage in a healthy light.
As healing takes place, these feelings will fade with time, but in moments where we feel the need to perform to achieve a secure marriage, we need to step back and remember God's relationship with us. We are humans and we will mess up. Some days, I have better hair than others, and some days, my smile is a lot easier to find. I'll hurt feelings and blurt out stupid comments. And at the end of the day, just as God shows me grace when I poorly perform, my spouse should do the same. This isn't to say we don't need to apologize for missing the mark, but that our mess-up days won't change the commitment of our marriage partner. This is grace-based commitment- a commitment that says, "I'm here for you, even when you fall short!"
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV
And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV
But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Ephesians 4:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to remember that we are committed to our spouse, regardless of performance. Our behavior from other spheres of life often gets us confused and we forget the standard is different within our marriages. Help me to shower grace on my spouse, and remember that some days will be better than others. Thank You for showing me grace when I fail, and I pray that I will show that same grace to others that fail me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
*** Physical or emotional abuse isn't to be ignored or glossed over- even in a Christian marriage. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help.
When we put in the work, we expect to benefit. That's the way of the American rat race- perform and achieve. We practice this in so many spheres of our lives that we forget that while performance is a legitimate goal in our relationships and marriages, it shouldn't be the indicator for commitment. That's not to say we throw in the towel and not bother in putting forth the effort to grow and cultivate it, but rather choosing to commit no matter how your spouse performs. This goes against the grain for us humans, as it is contrary to the worldly view of "getting what we deserve." We think if we put forth our best effort for our spouse, everything should go the way we deserve them to, and sometimes, that's just not the case.
As Christians, our goal for our marriages should be grace- based commitment. This type of commitment is what God shows us. He looks at good works as empty, and doesn't throw us a reward for our good behavior. He also doesn't toss us aside when our behavior is sinful and ugly. He is 100% committed to us, regardless of how we perform. God's relationship with us is a picture of what a godly marriage should look like.
A christian marriage affected by infidelity can often shift, trying to "perform to keep". I know, because I've been there. We put pressure on ourselves to be more desirable in one way or another. This sprouts from feelings left over from insecurity and doubt, but are contrary to God's plan for us. Our thought pattern must change to view our marriage in a healthy light.
As healing takes place, these feelings will fade with time, but in moments where we feel the need to perform to achieve a secure marriage, we need to step back and remember God's relationship with us. We are humans and we will mess up. Some days, I have better hair than others, and some days, my smile is a lot easier to find. I'll hurt feelings and blurt out stupid comments. And at the end of the day, just as God shows me grace when I poorly perform, my spouse should do the same. This isn't to say we don't need to apologize for missing the mark, but that our mess-up days won't change the commitment of our marriage partner. This is grace-based commitment- a commitment that says, "I'm here for you, even when you fall short!"
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV
And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV
But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Ephesians 4:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to remember that we are committed to our spouse, regardless of performance. Our behavior from other spheres of life often gets us confused and we forget the standard is different within our marriages. Help me to shower grace on my spouse, and remember that some days will be better than others. Thank You for showing me grace when I fail, and I pray that I will show that same grace to others that fail me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
*** Physical or emotional abuse isn't to be ignored or glossed over- even in a Christian marriage. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)