I love when my husband is thinking good things about me. I love when he is thinking of our kids, our friends, our family members, or our two crazy dogs. These are safe people to have in his brain, and I am happy to share brain space with them. I especially love when he allows God to share a spot in there with us. But I can firmly say I hated the enemy taking residence in there, threatening my peace and sanity.
For me, one of the harder things to process in the face of infidelity, was my own thoughts. Where was he? What is he doing? What does she look like? Why is he doing this? Is she better than me? Is he telling the truth? Will he come home? How did this happen? Why is God allowing this? Why do other people get to have faithful marriages, but I don't? Will my kids be okay? So many questions swirled around my brain and caused anxiety and fear. I longed for the days of security and peace.
As Christians, how can we deal with these painful thoughts, and allow peace to rule in our hearts and minds? Some days, I wasn't able to remove them from continually invading my mind. Over and over I would take them to my Heavenly Father, then have them assault me again. These thoughts are ugly and turn our focus on what we have been blessed with, to our problems. The days I struggled the most, I tried to shift my focus by staying busy. That would work as long as I was busy, but those night hours in the dark were the absolute worst.
How many of you go to bed and spend the night in deep despair, worrying over things that may not even happen? In the dark of the night, they seem certain and filled with doom. Anxiety makes it hard to breathe well, and sleep evades us. Then the light filters in, and the house begins to stir, and you realize your problems aren't quite so bad. That is not to make light of what we are dealing with, but we often feel most negative in our thought patterns in the middle of the night.
While I think it's impossible to stop the thoughts from invading us, I do think we can make choices on what we do with them. What worked best for me was to speak them to the Lord, and ask Him for help. Each time I thought something painful, I asked Him to help me, or comfort me. I allowed myself to cry when I needed to, knowing He cared for me and sorrowed with me. While Satan longed to get comfortable in my brain, I shooed him away with whispers to Jesus. We don't like sharing brain space in our spouse's mind with the enemy, but we also don't want to open ours to the enemy and allow his lies to jade us. Jesus speaks truth, and I choose to listen.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV
We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV
When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. Psalm 94:19 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to keep my perspective based on truth, and not the lies and fear of Satan. Help me to share my fears with You, and allow You to replace them with peace only You can give. I want my thoughts to be on things that are honorable, and just, and pure. In the darkness of night, when the enemy tries to steal my sleep with fear, give me rest. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Saturday, January 12, 2019
Friday, January 11, 2019
Bearing one another's Burdens
You may remember the Bible story about Moses and his friends, Aaron and Hur. Here is a scripture reference that gives you a good picture of what they did for him:
But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. Exodus 17:12 ESV
During a battle, the Israelites were only winning while Moses held up his arms. Can you even imagine trying to hold your arms up for an entire day? Now, I love some Zumba, and one class I take is called Zumba Tone. For one hour, we do Zumba dances while we hold light weights above our heads. When you initially hold them up, it's super easy, but after an hour, yikes- I need Aaron and Hur!
I have been in a battle for my marriage over a year, and along the way, my arms grew weary. It was an experience that led to emotional exhaustion. There is no way I could hold up my arms that long without help. Along came my Aaron and Hur in the form of family, friends, and fellow believers. They came in droves, bringing kind words, encouragement, food, hugs, and prayers. They sat with me, invited me over, cried with me, and held me up. They didn't come for a couple days or weeks- they remained in the battle with me. I will always be grateful for those who helped carry my burden. When we come alongside someone who has a burden, we are living out a scriptural command (Galatians 6:2), and lightening the load for them.
If you are in a battle, no matter what you're fighting against, share your burden with others. We are notorious for trying to handle our own problems, feeling it's a sign of weakness to ask for help. When we carry a heavy load, we will feel anxious, stressed, and afraid. But when we allow others to share our burdens, we feel more equipped to handle them in a healthy way. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. When we don't ask for help, we are often too afraid to show we are vulnerable, just like everyone else.
For me, I needed people to pray for me. I wanted a few who could talk me through the more difficult times. I longed for a dinner companion. I needed financial advice. The bathroom fan stopped working, and I'm hopeless with that sort of thing. I had friends that encouraged me in my new business venture, and gave advice. People slept over when I was lonely or afraid. These were simple acts of kindness that spoke of their love for me, and lightened my load. Friends, share your burdens so that others can exercise the truth of Galatians 6:2 (see below). And if you see someone with a burden, be Aaron and Hur to them- even if it's coming to Zumba with me.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to share my burdens with others. We often let fear and pride hold us back, but we can't carry our burdens well on our own. Help me to allow others to know my needs, so they can carry out the truth we find in scripture. And always, Lord, help me remember You long for us to give our burdens over into Your capable hands. Thank you for Your willingness to bear them for us, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. Exodus 17:12 ESV
During a battle, the Israelites were only winning while Moses held up his arms. Can you even imagine trying to hold your arms up for an entire day? Now, I love some Zumba, and one class I take is called Zumba Tone. For one hour, we do Zumba dances while we hold light weights above our heads. When you initially hold them up, it's super easy, but after an hour, yikes- I need Aaron and Hur!
I have been in a battle for my marriage over a year, and along the way, my arms grew weary. It was an experience that led to emotional exhaustion. There is no way I could hold up my arms that long without help. Along came my Aaron and Hur in the form of family, friends, and fellow believers. They came in droves, bringing kind words, encouragement, food, hugs, and prayers. They sat with me, invited me over, cried with me, and held me up. They didn't come for a couple days or weeks- they remained in the battle with me. I will always be grateful for those who helped carry my burden. When we come alongside someone who has a burden, we are living out a scriptural command (Galatians 6:2), and lightening the load for them.
If you are in a battle, no matter what you're fighting against, share your burden with others. We are notorious for trying to handle our own problems, feeling it's a sign of weakness to ask for help. When we carry a heavy load, we will feel anxious, stressed, and afraid. But when we allow others to share our burdens, we feel more equipped to handle them in a healthy way. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. When we don't ask for help, we are often too afraid to show we are vulnerable, just like everyone else.
For me, I needed people to pray for me. I wanted a few who could talk me through the more difficult times. I longed for a dinner companion. I needed financial advice. The bathroom fan stopped working, and I'm hopeless with that sort of thing. I had friends that encouraged me in my new business venture, and gave advice. People slept over when I was lonely or afraid. These were simple acts of kindness that spoke of their love for me, and lightened my load. Friends, share your burdens so that others can exercise the truth of Galatians 6:2 (see below). And if you see someone with a burden, be Aaron and Hur to them- even if it's coming to Zumba with me.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to share my burdens with others. We often let fear and pride hold us back, but we can't carry our burdens well on our own. Help me to allow others to know my needs, so they can carry out the truth we find in scripture. And always, Lord, help me remember You long for us to give our burdens over into Your capable hands. Thank you for Your willingness to bear them for us, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Thursday, January 10, 2019
My Husband
If a guy can like you at your skinny-legged, buck-tooth stage of life, he is probably into you. I met my husband when our family moved to NC from Canada. His family attended the same church, and my brother became fast friends with him. He spent many days hanging out in our home, and I thought of him as a brother in many ways. But for him- he did not think of me as a sister. From the tender age of 11, I knew he had a crush on me.
We grew up with our lives intertwined through church and family connections. Through the years, I would receive little gifts from this boy who had become my brother's best friend. I vividly remember receiving a stick-pin (anyone remember those? hey.. they are making a comeback!) and a brown stuffed dog, I named Ralph. From a young age, he had a giving heart and persistence. But in my advanced age of one and a half years older than him, I always considered him too young for me.
Along came college, and I was off to UNC-Charlotte, while he attended Lenoir Rhyne with a football scholarship. At this point, we were friends and occasionally talked to one another on the phone. Not a cellphone- one with the long cord on the wall that got stretched out from my pacing habit. He ended up in trouble and this event actually led to a date, and a few years later, a wedding ring. I was most attracted to his confidence, interest in spiritual things, and fun nature. He was known for his integrity and strong work ethic. He could always be counted on when someone needed help- that is just who he is, and was. He has beautiful blue eyes, and an electric smile. This was a good man, and I was blessed to have him.
It isn't just "bad people" that fall for Satan's traps. The fact is, it is usually people that are prominent, and useful. Throughout my journey of being the betrayed spouse, I have heard comments about his character from people that don't really know him. Those hurt, because I knew his actions were not his true character, but rather manipulated by Satan for his ultimate ruin. It is hard to see someone you love and respect, make such a drastic transition. I firmly believe the ability to fall is within each one of us who belong to the Lord and we must protect ourselves with the armor of God. While I was hurt by his actions, I was protective of him because of who he was- a man that had lost his way.
If you have been betrayed by your spouse, I want to encourage you to do something really hard- feel compassion for them. To live in the absence of grace is against the character of godliness. To see my husband in this state of sin and rebellion was the worst thing I have witnessed. It wounded my heart, not just for me and our children, but for him. Showing compassion and grace doesn't guarantee the outcome of your marriage, but it is an opportunity to love like Jesus loves. There were days this felt impossible for me, apart from the help of my Heavenly Father. Not every situation will lead to a restored marriage, but when we love others like God loves us, we will never walk away defeated.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of grace and compassion that You liberally bestow on me every single day. Help me to not just accept it from You, then refuse to show it to others. It's hard some days to pass it on to those who hurt and betray us, yet we have done the same to You. Help me to pray for my husband and show compassion, even on days when it's hard. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
*** You can also visit my blog at theselightafflictions.com or roomcdonald.com
We grew up with our lives intertwined through church and family connections. Through the years, I would receive little gifts from this boy who had become my brother's best friend. I vividly remember receiving a stick-pin (anyone remember those? hey.. they are making a comeback!) and a brown stuffed dog, I named Ralph. From a young age, he had a giving heart and persistence. But in my advanced age of one and a half years older than him, I always considered him too young for me.
Along came college, and I was off to UNC-Charlotte, while he attended Lenoir Rhyne with a football scholarship. At this point, we were friends and occasionally talked to one another on the phone. Not a cellphone- one with the long cord on the wall that got stretched out from my pacing habit. He ended up in trouble and this event actually led to a date, and a few years later, a wedding ring. I was most attracted to his confidence, interest in spiritual things, and fun nature. He was known for his integrity and strong work ethic. He could always be counted on when someone needed help- that is just who he is, and was. He has beautiful blue eyes, and an electric smile. This was a good man, and I was blessed to have him.
It isn't just "bad people" that fall for Satan's traps. The fact is, it is usually people that are prominent, and useful. Throughout my journey of being the betrayed spouse, I have heard comments about his character from people that don't really know him. Those hurt, because I knew his actions were not his true character, but rather manipulated by Satan for his ultimate ruin. It is hard to see someone you love and respect, make such a drastic transition. I firmly believe the ability to fall is within each one of us who belong to the Lord and we must protect ourselves with the armor of God. While I was hurt by his actions, I was protective of him because of who he was- a man that had lost his way.
If you have been betrayed by your spouse, I want to encourage you to do something really hard- feel compassion for them. To live in the absence of grace is against the character of godliness. To see my husband in this state of sin and rebellion was the worst thing I have witnessed. It wounded my heart, not just for me and our children, but for him. Showing compassion and grace doesn't guarantee the outcome of your marriage, but it is an opportunity to love like Jesus loves. There were days this felt impossible for me, apart from the help of my Heavenly Father. Not every situation will lead to a restored marriage, but when we love others like God loves us, we will never walk away defeated.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of grace and compassion that You liberally bestow on me every single day. Help me to not just accept it from You, then refuse to show it to others. It's hard some days to pass it on to those who hurt and betray us, yet we have done the same to You. Help me to pray for my husband and show compassion, even on days when it's hard. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
*** You can also visit my blog at theselightafflictions.com or roomcdonald.com
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Relinquishing Control in our Marriage Messes
I don't like gray. I'm not talking colors, I'm talking about things that fall outside the lines. I am more of a black and white girl, and prefer safety nets. I don't like vague or the unknown. These things make my head spin and fill me with anxiety. If I'm honest, I don't like giving control over to anyone else, in case they mess things up. And when my marriage crumbled, I wanted to figure out a way I could fix it- fast!
Maybe if I said just the right thing at the right time, I could turn this shipwreck around. If I dressed differently, maybe he would return my affection, and ultimately return home. I came up with quite a few game plans, and watched every one of them go up in smoke. I begged and pleaded with God to fix things. I knew He was able, but He chose not to immediately release me from this fiery trial. I remember the countless times that I lay crumbled on the floor, tearfully pleading with my Heavenly Father to have mercy and restore my husband and my marriage. There was no doubt in my mind of His ability to swiftly answer me in the positive, yet He remained silent on the matter.
Friends, when God is silent, He is STILL working. If God had answered me right away, and brought my husband home, I would not know Him the way I do today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with worry. Worry says I am not trusting God, and that stings when I hear it plainly stated. All of my suggestions to Him on what He could try next, are actually insulting to Who He is. How could I think I knew better than God? I'm ashamed, looking back, at some of my thought patterns which perfectly displayed my distrust in the Lord.
Infidelity is so traumatic, that we often don't think clearly. If I can't trust my husband anymore, can I trust God? I knew in my head that God was trustworthy, but my heart was just not getting it. The truth is, God cares for my marriage more than I ever possibly could, but He also cares about me individually. Just as we want our children to trust us, especially with the big things in life, God is no different with us. By choosing to make me wait, He exercised my faith in Who He is. When I tried to maintain the control I never really had, I became anxious. But when I relinquished control and let God fight my battles, I felt peace.
If your marriage is a mess, I get it, it's stressful. If you're struggling with trying to control the outcome, I know of One Who is able to handle it for you. Honestly, the problem is just too big for us, but it isn't too big for our God. When we allow Him to step in and take control, we can have faith that the best possible outcome will happen- and only He knows what that is. Letting the fate of my marriage rest in the hands of the Almighty was the only path to the peace I longed for. He knows what we need, and when to move. Stop fighting for control, sweet friend, and lay your burden at His feet. Rest in knowing that this all powerful God can handle it, and we simply can't!
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV
Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. Psalm 115:3 ESV
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your absolute ability to handle my problems. Forgive me for trying to control my marriage, and its outcome. Help me to remember that I will only feel peace when I leave it in Your capable hands, and that anxiety will attack me when I try to do it on my own. Thank You for caring not only for my marriage, but for me. I love You for being invested in every aspect of my life, and will always be grateful that You chose me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Maybe if I said just the right thing at the right time, I could turn this shipwreck around. If I dressed differently, maybe he would return my affection, and ultimately return home. I came up with quite a few game plans, and watched every one of them go up in smoke. I begged and pleaded with God to fix things. I knew He was able, but He chose not to immediately release me from this fiery trial. I remember the countless times that I lay crumbled on the floor, tearfully pleading with my Heavenly Father to have mercy and restore my husband and my marriage. There was no doubt in my mind of His ability to swiftly answer me in the positive, yet He remained silent on the matter.
Friends, when God is silent, He is STILL working. If God had answered me right away, and brought my husband home, I would not know Him the way I do today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with worry. Worry says I am not trusting God, and that stings when I hear it plainly stated. All of my suggestions to Him on what He could try next, are actually insulting to Who He is. How could I think I knew better than God? I'm ashamed, looking back, at some of my thought patterns which perfectly displayed my distrust in the Lord.
Infidelity is so traumatic, that we often don't think clearly. If I can't trust my husband anymore, can I trust God? I knew in my head that God was trustworthy, but my heart was just not getting it. The truth is, God cares for my marriage more than I ever possibly could, but He also cares about me individually. Just as we want our children to trust us, especially with the big things in life, God is no different with us. By choosing to make me wait, He exercised my faith in Who He is. When I tried to maintain the control I never really had, I became anxious. But when I relinquished control and let God fight my battles, I felt peace.
If your marriage is a mess, I get it, it's stressful. If you're struggling with trying to control the outcome, I know of One Who is able to handle it for you. Honestly, the problem is just too big for us, but it isn't too big for our God. When we allow Him to step in and take control, we can have faith that the best possible outcome will happen- and only He knows what that is. Letting the fate of my marriage rest in the hands of the Almighty was the only path to the peace I longed for. He knows what we need, and when to move. Stop fighting for control, sweet friend, and lay your burden at His feet. Rest in knowing that this all powerful God can handle it, and we simply can't!
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV
Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. Psalm 115:3 ESV
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your absolute ability to handle my problems. Forgive me for trying to control my marriage, and its outcome. Help me to remember that I will only feel peace when I leave it in Your capable hands, and that anxiety will attack me when I try to do it on my own. Thank You for caring not only for my marriage, but for me. I love You for being invested in every aspect of my life, and will always be grateful that You chose me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
How Infidelity Wounds Body Image
If there is one thing I am certain of, it is how body image greatly suffers in the face of infidelity. Nothing invalidates us more than being passed over for someone else. The wounds don't quickly disappear, and may be a life struggle. We can seem to feel pretty confident in our looks and who we are, until we are rejected by our spouse. Those who have experienced this, can give me a painful head nod.
Rejection is an enemy of body image. We have the best intentions of feeling SELF confident, until it crumbles under the disapproval of our spouse. Never were my eyes more critical of myself than when I was faced with the awful truth of being left for another woman. What is it in me that is lacking, I wondered? Now let me be honest- I had a couple ideas up my sleeve already, since we women are generally pretty hard on ourselves. And since I'm being vulnerable here, I will let you in on my insecurities.
My primary insecurity is my loose, motherly stomach. If only it were still firm and flat, then maybe I would not be in this predicament. And where did all this cellulite come from? I used to try so hard to GAIN weight when I was younger. And why must my hair be so thin? I wish it was thick, full and naturally wavy. And if you really take a good look at me, I have a double chin. There- my flaws are out there for all of my blogging stumblers to find.
But the more I looked for my faults, the more I found the love of Christ. No matter what faults I saw, He chose me. No matter how many gray hairs I have, He knows each one, and completely accepts me. How shallow of me to question my body image in the face of sexual betrayal. Was my cellulite or double chin to blame for this mess? There is such a relief when we realize that our faults don't justify this kind of behavior. And if our love is based on physical traits, we don't know love. Too often, we fall into the trap of earning love based on sexual appeal and physical features. While it's true that we want to look nice and maintain our appearance for our spouse, it's also true that our love needs much deeper roots than that.
If your flaws are deflating you, step back and remember God's thoughts of you. He never holds cellulite or thin hair against us- He is far too busy looking at our hearts. Our culture puts far too much value on the outside appearance, and we miss the heart of those right in front of us. Some hearts are hurting and bruised. Some hearts are hard and lost. We need to really see others for who they are, instead of what they look like. God created you in His image. He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die in our place at Calvary. Don't miss the hearts of those you love, and don't be afraid to show yours to others. We are so much more than a face or a figure. Release your flaws to Him, knowing that we all have them. In the eyes of our Precious Savior, we are treasured beyond measure.
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 ESV
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to remember that You gave your life to spare mine. It's so shallow to be focused on our outward appearance and miss the hearts of those around us. I pray for people to see my heart as well, and I pray that when they do, they will find You there. Thank You for loving me without limitations or conditions, and help me to love others with that same abandon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Rejection is an enemy of body image. We have the best intentions of feeling SELF confident, until it crumbles under the disapproval of our spouse. Never were my eyes more critical of myself than when I was faced with the awful truth of being left for another woman. What is it in me that is lacking, I wondered? Now let me be honest- I had a couple ideas up my sleeve already, since we women are generally pretty hard on ourselves. And since I'm being vulnerable here, I will let you in on my insecurities.
My primary insecurity is my loose, motherly stomach. If only it were still firm and flat, then maybe I would not be in this predicament. And where did all this cellulite come from? I used to try so hard to GAIN weight when I was younger. And why must my hair be so thin? I wish it was thick, full and naturally wavy. And if you really take a good look at me, I have a double chin. There- my flaws are out there for all of my blogging stumblers to find.
But the more I looked for my faults, the more I found the love of Christ. No matter what faults I saw, He chose me. No matter how many gray hairs I have, He knows each one, and completely accepts me. How shallow of me to question my body image in the face of sexual betrayal. Was my cellulite or double chin to blame for this mess? There is such a relief when we realize that our faults don't justify this kind of behavior. And if our love is based on physical traits, we don't know love. Too often, we fall into the trap of earning love based on sexual appeal and physical features. While it's true that we want to look nice and maintain our appearance for our spouse, it's also true that our love needs much deeper roots than that.
If your flaws are deflating you, step back and remember God's thoughts of you. He never holds cellulite or thin hair against us- He is far too busy looking at our hearts. Our culture puts far too much value on the outside appearance, and we miss the heart of those right in front of us. Some hearts are hurting and bruised. Some hearts are hard and lost. We need to really see others for who they are, instead of what they look like. God created you in His image. He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die in our place at Calvary. Don't miss the hearts of those you love, and don't be afraid to show yours to others. We are so much more than a face or a figure. Release your flaws to Him, knowing that we all have them. In the eyes of our Precious Savior, we are treasured beyond measure.
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 ESV
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to remember that You gave your life to spare mine. It's so shallow to be focused on our outward appearance and miss the hearts of those around us. I pray for people to see my heart as well, and I pray that when they do, they will find You there. Thank You for loving me without limitations or conditions, and help me to love others with that same abandon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Monday, January 7, 2019
A Day in the Life of Broken Trust
It starts with one lie. This isn't a lie that says, "no- that dress doesn't make you look fat (when maybe it does)!" It's something more serious in nature than that. For me, what stands out the most was a lie about location. The trip home from work was taking longer and longer and things were starting to not add up. Once you notice one lie, you begin to see more clearly that others follow. This begins the slow and awful crumble to marital ruin, because one solid foundation of marriage, is trust.
My days and my thought patterns were completely altered once I lost trust in my husband. There were actions that continued to chink away at what was left of our marriage. Weird locations. Cell phone always face down. Constant texting when all of our family was present. New clothing. Long hours at the gym. A loss of intimacy. Weekend business trips. Anger. Sarcasm. Loss of interest in spiritual things. These were all terrifying to witness, and pointed to the awful truth we never want to accept in our marriages- unfaithfulness!
When we begin to doubt that we can trust our spouse, we begin to wonder if anyone is truly authentic. This is someone that should never have been dishonest with us. Marriage should be an open book- one where we are free to share our thoughts and feelings and be completely honest (except for the dress- because maybe I don't REALLY want to know that). When trust is jeopardized, walls go up. When walls go up, communication suffers.
The mind of a spouse that has lost trust is a complicated place. Anxiety sprouts up with anything that seems out of place. The mind goes to conclusions that are often not based on fact, but on fears. We imagine the worst, because we are living it. We initially lose confidence because the lies take away our security. It's a definite body slam to our world, and how we decide to brush ourselves off, and stand up is crucial to how we move forward in a spiritually healthy way. For me, there was One I knew I could always trust. His Word is full of kept promises and security. I knew that no matter who let me down on this earth, God never would. For this simple, yet beautiful reason, I clung to Him with desperation.
If you are floundering in a world of distrust and insecurity, I want to encourage you to start with Jesus. In Him, we are accepted. In Him, we are loved. In Him, we will never be lied to or rejected. In His Words, we can find healing. And with Him, we can learn to trust again. Whether it is in our marriages, or in other relationships, we are given the tools through scripture. We may or may not be given the opportunity to rebuild our marriages. I am confident if we are given the opportunity, through Christ, we can restore trust in time. It won't be a quick and easy process, but it can happen with broken and willing hearts. If we aren't given that opportunity with our spouse, we can find solid ground in our Savior. He does not want us to live in a world jaded by lies, but wants us to live in the freedom of His absolute truth. Living in fear of lies is not God's plan for us. So when these fears cross my mind and heart, I need to lay them at the feet of my Heavenly Father, and let them go. There is freedom in the blood of Jesus, and I'm going to choose His freedom over Satan's fear.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God, I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4 ESV
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 ESV
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. Psalm 13:5 ESV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father,
When lies threaten my security, help me look to You for solid ground. While lies hurt me, I pray You will open my heart in time to healing and forgiveness. Help me to find freedom from the fear of lies, and rest in the sure foundation of Your love and truth. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
My days and my thought patterns were completely altered once I lost trust in my husband. There were actions that continued to chink away at what was left of our marriage. Weird locations. Cell phone always face down. Constant texting when all of our family was present. New clothing. Long hours at the gym. A loss of intimacy. Weekend business trips. Anger. Sarcasm. Loss of interest in spiritual things. These were all terrifying to witness, and pointed to the awful truth we never want to accept in our marriages- unfaithfulness!
When we begin to doubt that we can trust our spouse, we begin to wonder if anyone is truly authentic. This is someone that should never have been dishonest with us. Marriage should be an open book- one where we are free to share our thoughts and feelings and be completely honest (except for the dress- because maybe I don't REALLY want to know that). When trust is jeopardized, walls go up. When walls go up, communication suffers.
The mind of a spouse that has lost trust is a complicated place. Anxiety sprouts up with anything that seems out of place. The mind goes to conclusions that are often not based on fact, but on fears. We imagine the worst, because we are living it. We initially lose confidence because the lies take away our security. It's a definite body slam to our world, and how we decide to brush ourselves off, and stand up is crucial to how we move forward in a spiritually healthy way. For me, there was One I knew I could always trust. His Word is full of kept promises and security. I knew that no matter who let me down on this earth, God never would. For this simple, yet beautiful reason, I clung to Him with desperation.
If you are floundering in a world of distrust and insecurity, I want to encourage you to start with Jesus. In Him, we are accepted. In Him, we are loved. In Him, we will never be lied to or rejected. In His Words, we can find healing. And with Him, we can learn to trust again. Whether it is in our marriages, or in other relationships, we are given the tools through scripture. We may or may not be given the opportunity to rebuild our marriages. I am confident if we are given the opportunity, through Christ, we can restore trust in time. It won't be a quick and easy process, but it can happen with broken and willing hearts. If we aren't given that opportunity with our spouse, we can find solid ground in our Savior. He does not want us to live in a world jaded by lies, but wants us to live in the freedom of His absolute truth. Living in fear of lies is not God's plan for us. So when these fears cross my mind and heart, I need to lay them at the feet of my Heavenly Father, and let them go. There is freedom in the blood of Jesus, and I'm going to choose His freedom over Satan's fear.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God, I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4 ESV
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 ESV
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. Psalm 13:5 ESV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father,
When lies threaten my security, help me look to You for solid ground. While lies hurt me, I pray You will open my heart in time to healing and forgiveness. Help me to find freedom from the fear of lies, and rest in the sure foundation of Your love and truth. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Sunday, January 6, 2019
Why we Need the Family of God in Times of Crisis
As little tiny kids, we exercised our independence by saying, "I can do it myself." Being self-sufficient is looked on as a strong character trait. We like to think we don't need others, and can do whatever comes our way on our own. But that isn't how God created us. We were never meant to do life on our own. God knew we were creatures who would fare much better enjoying relationships, and fellowship.
Last January, when my husband left home, I was completely wrecked. It is the only time in my life where the word 'despair' was a reality for me. I couldn't sleep, eat, think straight, or concentrate. It was the darkest time in my christian journey to date. I have no idea how I would have survived apart from the fellowship of the precious ones I worship with, and my Heavenly Father. These loving souls brought over food, flowers, chocolate, stuffed animals, prayers, and conversation. They cried with me- Kleenex cries, where there are too many tears for a hand swipe. They texted me, called me, and just plain loved on me. And I desperately needed it.
No, God didn't intend for us to travel life's journey alone. If you are struggling, hurting and trying to do it yourself, can I encourage you to reach out to fellow believers? Don't let pride or fear hold you back. Just as God lavishes His grace on us, we will find it in those who love Him, and serve Him. Initially, I wanted to hide from other Christians, because I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed that I wasn't a good enough wife (Satan's words to me), resulting in a failed marriage. Satan wanted to use any lie he could whisper to keep me out of the 4 walls of my local church testimony. Because he knows... he knows that in those walls I will find compassion, love, and encouragement. I will find purpose, service and grace. I will be encouraged to exercise my spiritual gifts to the fullest. And when I find those things, Satan's voice gets quieter, and God's gets louder.
I have felt God's presence in a hug from a friend, a tear-filled prayer, and a casserole. God's Spirit is within those He has redeemed, and it's beautiful. The family of God is such a blessing, and our local church testimony is a safe place from the harsh, cynical, sinful world we live in. It is a place of refreshment, and I am privileged to be there. Don't push other Christians away in times of crisis, dear friends. God wants to use them to minister to your needs, so let them minister to you.
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some. But encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:25 ESV
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
For where two are three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for creating fellowship and for the comfort and joy, and accountability it offers me. Help me to lean on other fellow believers when I am weak and discouraged, and to offer it to others when they are in need. I thank You for the privilege of being a part of the family of God. Help me to accept help and hope from the wisdom of my church family. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Last January, when my husband left home, I was completely wrecked. It is the only time in my life where the word 'despair' was a reality for me. I couldn't sleep, eat, think straight, or concentrate. It was the darkest time in my christian journey to date. I have no idea how I would have survived apart from the fellowship of the precious ones I worship with, and my Heavenly Father. These loving souls brought over food, flowers, chocolate, stuffed animals, prayers, and conversation. They cried with me- Kleenex cries, where there are too many tears for a hand swipe. They texted me, called me, and just plain loved on me. And I desperately needed it.
No, God didn't intend for us to travel life's journey alone. If you are struggling, hurting and trying to do it yourself, can I encourage you to reach out to fellow believers? Don't let pride or fear hold you back. Just as God lavishes His grace on us, we will find it in those who love Him, and serve Him. Initially, I wanted to hide from other Christians, because I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed that I wasn't a good enough wife (Satan's words to me), resulting in a failed marriage. Satan wanted to use any lie he could whisper to keep me out of the 4 walls of my local church testimony. Because he knows... he knows that in those walls I will find compassion, love, and encouragement. I will find purpose, service and grace. I will be encouraged to exercise my spiritual gifts to the fullest. And when I find those things, Satan's voice gets quieter, and God's gets louder.
I have felt God's presence in a hug from a friend, a tear-filled prayer, and a casserole. God's Spirit is within those He has redeemed, and it's beautiful. The family of God is such a blessing, and our local church testimony is a safe place from the harsh, cynical, sinful world we live in. It is a place of refreshment, and I am privileged to be there. Don't push other Christians away in times of crisis, dear friends. God wants to use them to minister to your needs, so let them minister to you.
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some. But encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:25 ESV
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
For where two are three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for creating fellowship and for the comfort and joy, and accountability it offers me. Help me to lean on other fellow believers when I am weak and discouraged, and to offer it to others when they are in need. I thank You for the privilege of being a part of the family of God. Help me to accept help and hope from the wisdom of my church family. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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